Man in ladies loo (with little daughter)

[CallmePaul]

Hello Mumsnet, 1st poster here.

So I'm the man in question here, my 4yr old girl needed the loo in a big store today, went into the men's, stinky & horrible & the only 1 available cubicle is engaged, the disabled one is locked & my little one is busting.
I opened the ladies door, wow much nicer than the men's! I asked loudly if it was OK if a man came in with his little girl to the loo, got an OK from a cubicle, business attended to.

Washing her & my hands afterwards I got a pretty loud tut & mumble of humph womans toilets, from a lady who just entered, I get it, I'm a bloke in a ladies loos, I really shouldn't be in there.

I've never taken her in the ladies before, always the men's & some pretty nasty loos at times.

So acceptable behaviour from me or was I out of order?

…THEIR hard fought for rights.

I wouldn't want my little girls being taken into the mens toilets. I'd rather my husband take them into the womens toilets if there's no other option. Mens toilets are stinking and also because of the urinals, I don't want them seeing all the stranger penises 😑 YANBU

I too would probably be a bit surprised to encounter a man in the ladies, but if it became apparent you were accompanying a small child I'd be less concerned.
My 7yo DD is usually okay to go alone if it's somewhere we are familiar with but she knows I'll come check if she's not back shortly.
I've had to go in the gents before to assist my 5yo DS who had become upset at not being able to wash his hands "I can't reach to turn the tap on" or fasten his jeans as "they were being tricky" he'd felt too frightened to ask for help with the tap. So he now typically accompanies me unless we go with DP.

Yes a 4 yo should be fine in a strange toilet by themselves. (I don’t mean that. Welcome to the batshit world of mn where people judge someone who wants to make sure their child is ok in the toilet!) I used to get filthy looks for taking my dses into the women’s toilet (as I’m a woman). When we were in eurodisney they had family toilets- such a great idea!!

Of course it’s okay.
I wouldn’t want my little girl in the mens loos.

I’d have been fine with this.

All those saying a 4 year old can toilet alone. Not really my dc is coming 4, struggles to pull down pants and trousers or ends up getting them soaked, struggles to get on and off the toilet as most are too high and most certainly wouldn't be able or trusted to lock and unlock the cubicle door, then reach the sink to wash hands and hand drier etc. Of course its not ideal to use the womens but given the mens was engaged and his daughter was bursting a toilet is a toilet when in times of need. It is interesting to see the different view points and a lot of people disagreeing. Perhaps I only agree with the OP because I have a child of a similar age and dc has urgency issues where when they say they have to go if I dont find a toilet within a minute they will have soiled themselves. So in my opinion it's okay when with your dc providing the mens facility was in use and the disabled locked at the time.

We need more accessible toilets and they need to not behind a radar lock.

Had there been a second accessible toilet, the OP could have gone in with his DD and no one would have been startled or alarmed.

We don't know if the woman who objected was a rape victim. We don't know if she has paruresis that prevents her from urinating in the presence of men. She may have a past bad experience with a man with a "watersports" fetish and not want to urinate in a man's presence in case he shares that perversion. There's a lot of people willing to judge her as unreasonable when we don't know her past.

It’s just a loo. So long as you don’t make it stink of piss or start flashing, everyone is welcome as far as I’m concerned

@SwirlyWhirls unless you’ve been raped in a public toilet like I have. Then you might think differently. Think before you welcome women into a ladies toilet

You were respectful about it. It wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest. But this is Mumsnet where all men are bastards so 🙃

I couldn't really get upset about this in the situation you've described, but personally I wouldn't leave it that late with a 4yo! High risk strategy to wait until they're desperate...

Yeh is interesting, so far it seems the majority so far think it was OK & understand exactly why I did it.

I totally agree a man shouldn't be in the ladies loos, I've never done it before & completely & utterly get it (I'm actually against Trans men who haven't had the 'chop' yet using them too, but thats not a rant for now!) but I think a couple of replies have assumed I didn't want to use the men's as it was smelly, not at all, I've used it with her before, it's not pleasant, but it was engaged & she really couldn't wait, she's on a laxa med for her tummy, when she needs to go she really needs to go! have had many accidents, it was have a poonami incident in the corridor & a hysterical & v upset little girl as a result or go in the ladies.

I disagree she could have used the loo herself as suggested by a few though, 1- it wasn't a wee BTW! she really can't clean up properly on her own after that just yet, it will come & getting there but not yet & 2- as one reply said a normal sized loo & a small 4 yr old really isn't a good combo, she wouldn't have closed the door or even got on the loo without a step.

You’re a man- therefore you shouldn’t have been in the ladies loos.

Disabled toilets are not exclusively for disabled people.
You are wrong I’m afraid.
They are fitted to allow access equipment and room for disabled people but anyone can use them. When calculating the number of required facilities for buildings disabled toilets are included in the overall calculation.

Because the toilets are sex or child under 8 with parent or guardian.
Who cares if there is an 8 year girl on her own, teach her early to put males first. Especially if her father waited outside.
Sometimes women are our own worst enemies. Always putting other people first.

Wouldn't bother me. It was clear it was for your daughter.

Yes, those pesky disabled people and their selfish entitlement to having their own accessible facilities.

Wouldn't even bat an eyelid. You've got to do what you've got to do

Ps.
Its not the same as blue badge parking.

In a big department store you should have asked staff to help. Saying that I would be surprised but would understand if i see a man with a child.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/man-jailed-for-raping-boy-of-seven-119130.amp

This happened when my son was the same age as this child and is why children can't go into public toilets alone.

Although you wouldn’t have to be taking a child into them I will add in interest of balance to dirty men and pristine women that women’s toilets in clubs/late pubs are absolutely vile and well known to be worse than men’s - and worse than that are also often similarly revolting in the public service buildings where I have worked.
My 6 year old granddaughter wants someone at the door of any toilet as she struggles with the locks, and I also worry about the water taps being too hot - I wouldn’t let her go alone but really she couldn’t cope with the adult provision in public loos. I can’t have a problem with a guy taking his daughter in - he’s quite literally doing his best for a female.

Disabled people don’t have their own toilets.
Disabled toilets are accessible toilets that can facilitate the disabled but everyone can use them.

Why do people always get this wrong.

I think was fine but I personally would prefer all toilets to be gender neutral. Many people prefer separate toilets so at least some cubicles should be disabled and gender neutral

People love to get excited about toilets but this is a total non-issue from my perspective.