Man in ladies loo (with little daughter)

[CallmePaul]

Hello Mumsnet, 1st poster here.

So I'm the man in question here, my 4yr old girl needed the loo in a big store today, went into the men's, stinky & horrible & the only 1 available cubicle is engaged, the disabled one is locked & my little one is busting.
I opened the ladies door, wow much nicer than the men's! I asked loudly if it was OK if a man came in with his little girl to the loo, got an OK from a cubicle, business attended to.

Washing her & my hands afterwards I got a pretty loud tut & mumble of humph womans toilets, from a lady who just entered, I get it, I'm a bloke in a ladies loos, I really shouldn't be in there.

I've never taken her in the ladies before, always the men's & some pretty nasty loos at times.

So acceptable behaviour from me or was I out of order?

It's fine, there are cubicles so no issue.
When my son was little I always took him to either the disabled toilet or women's, no way on earth would I let a child walk use public toilets in their own while I waited outside.

In this situation yes you were correct. You didn't want to risk your daughter seeing a man with his knob out peeing into a urinal as men do in men's loos .

Wouldnt bother me

I wouldn't send four year olds in by themselves. There has been incidents of predators preying on children by themselves in toilets.

Your young daughter’s needs trump any objections I could possibly raise - not that I have any. Women’s loos are enclosed and give privacy. I don’t have a problem sharing an area with wash basins and dryers with a man, nor should I.

I think its absolutley fine, you checked and were with your 4 year old daughter. However some people are so bonkers they would have a 4 year old little girl go into a disgusting piss floored mens then have a completely innocent bloke take his daughter to the loo in the ladies in clean safety.

They're cubilcled, its not as if women are exposed in open stalls! Clutches pearls "Oh no I have to wash my hands next to someone who is obviously a male guardian of a preschool little girl." Get. A. Grip. And no I would not let a 4 year old go to a public loo unaccompanied, women are not automatically safe adults.

It’s a cubicle. Why are people so obsessed. Nobody can see you having a pee or wants to see you. I would have done what you did if I was in that position. My little boy will be coming in the ladies with me for as long as he feels he isn’t comfortable going into the gents alone. I would have just thought what a caring dad to put her comfort and needs first.

Who lets a 4 year old go unaccompanied into public loos? That’s really irresponsible and not comparable to school in any way. OP, it’s important to consider context always and, in your context, you didn’t do anything wrong. I can’t imagine many rational people would take exception to you there with your little girl.

I don't have a problem with you taking your 4 year old child into the only available toilet when she was desperate to go. Anyone that does, clearly doesn't have kids (or an ounce of empathy). I'd have done the same OP.

Toileting independently at school or nursery is very different to going in a public toilet! My 4 year old still needs to be lifted onto higher toilets, can't reach even the lowered taps and will often foget to lock the door. Besides that, most 4 year olds are not comfortable going into an unknown space on their own. Who are these 4 year olds patiently queueing in M and S with the adults while their dad waits outside?!

For what it's worth, I think you should have used the mens but I wouldn't judge a parent with desperate child and it was good you announced your entrance.

Ah British toilets. DH was in the men's loo on the station in Nice (France). One long wall of pissoirs, plus some cubicles and sinks opposite. He was washing his hands when a formidable middle aged lady in a pink nylon coat came in with a mop and bucket which she set down with a clank. Bonjour messieurs she called out. Bonjour madame came back. Nobody turned a hair.

Male predators, correct?

It’s just a loo. So long as you don’t make it stink of piss or start flashing, everyone is welcome as far as I’m concerned!

I also would not send my 4 year old into a public toilet and wait outside. Yes, they go at school but that's a completely different environment.

I wouldn't be bothered by this. You were there with your daughter, not on your own.

Apart from the pervs who want to check up on vulnerable women - like Kat* Dol

I think it's fine OP you were justing doing what is right for your daughter . Mens toilets are too disgusting for a 4 year old girl. You did ask if it was ok and you were respectful.

Have had this discussion at great length with DH because with a 7 and 3 yo DDs, who both 100% need parental help with toilet (DD7 has meltdown if not accompanied) and DD3 can’t balance on seat on her own. Mens loos are vile, so yes sometimes he has to take them into the ladies if I’m not with them.
boils my piss that men can’t keep their toilets in a fit state for fathers to bring their children in. Puts all the work of toileting on mums when out and about.

it boils my piss that men go in women's toilets. They can use the men's.

I would be fine with this. She’s just little. You tried the other options first and she was bursting. For the other comments saying their 4 year olds would be fine if you waited outside. Mine would not. She does toilet herself at home and at nursery but there’s stools and smaller hand basins toilets etc. in public toilets she cannot reach the flush. The sink/soap or make the hand dryer work and frankly she’d be nervous going in on her own.

I'm not sure either, I've never seen it! 😅

You see, you’re the type of poster that really annoys me. The disabled toilets are for disabled people. My DD1 is blind. I get really riled by the ‘’oh, I’ll only be five minutes in the Blue Badge space’ or ‘I’ll nip into the disabled toilets because I don’t want to wait a nano second more because I am too important’. No, fuck off, and show respect for disabled people and they’re hard fought for rights.

@EverybodyJumpsuit no he does not need to take them into the ladies. He just doesn’t

At 4? I don’t like my 9 year old going in alone never mind at 4. I would be annoyed if my husband sent my daughter in to the toilets alone & i would have no issue with a man in with his daughter.

I would be unimpressed with your attitude

You should not be in the ladies toilets.
If the disabled is locked someone will have a key.
Or use the toilet appropriate to your sex.

Alternataivly a school age child can use a toilet on her own.

Not sure I’d do this though these days given men can actually use a ladies toilet these days legally if they ‘feel more comfortable’ there.

Nothing is black and white these days

So , use the mens or the disabled. You are allowed to use the disabled, they are not just for disabled people.