Man in ladies loo (with little daughter)

[CallmePaul]

Hello Mumsnet, 1st poster here.

So I'm the man in question here, my 4yr old girl needed the loo in a big store today, went into the men's, stinky & horrible & the only 1 available cubicle is engaged, the disabled one is locked & my little one is busting.
I opened the ladies door, wow much nicer than the men's! I asked loudly if it was OK if a man came in with his little girl to the loo, got an OK from a cubicle, business attended to.

Washing her & my hands afterwards I got a pretty loud tut & mumble of humph womans toilets, from a lady who just entered, I get it, I'm a bloke in a ladies loos, I really shouldn't be in there.

I've never taken her in the ladies before, always the men's & some pretty nasty loos at times.

So acceptable behaviour from me or was I out of order?

Oh dear god. 🤦‍♀️😂😂😂😂

Mind you, I do think that taking a 4 year old girl past urinalysis in use is the greater of two evils than a dad checking if it’s alright to accompany his daughter into the women’s toilet. I’d prefer the 4 year old daughter was prioritised over the adult women in such an instant. The more family friendly toilets there are the better really, so that these debates become moot.

I'm referring to the way in which you spoke to a rape victim.

If you think that's in any way okay, it's a waste of time even explaining to you why it isn't.

The comment that there are is some truly disgusting content on this thread is bang to rights, if not for the reasons that poster suggests.

I wouldn't like it at all, I wasn't comfortable in the ladies, I don't think I should be in there, I have absolutely no problem with anyone saying that.

I'm not moaning about the woman who tutted me, completely her right to do so.

My little one needed the loo urgently, I made a judgement call, perhaps it was wrong, if the circumstances were the same again however I think I'd have to do the same again.

Those thinking I avoided the men's because it stank are completely wrong, I've used it with her before, it's pretty foul but IT WAS OCCUPIED!

Do you know what. I found your post hilarious at first because I know who I am and I know my intentions. It literally made me laugh out loud because it couldn’t be further from the truth and is so outrageous it’s absurdly comical.

But as I reflect, I think it’s disgusting that you think it’s ok to post that. And pretty disgusting that you even had that thought. I think it says a whole lot more about you than it does about me. Is this the person you really want to be?

Actually, if you take a look back, I hadn't replied to the poster that had been raped, that was someone else.

Boys should use the men's too, no need for them to be in the Ladies.

Ok Colombo, I'm curious, what's the bit you think isn't genuine?

I’ve not posted on the thread so far but for mumsnet to say there’s nothing that doesn’t seem genuine is a bit silly.

There have been persistent poo/piss/toilet trolls on here. There’s the whole men in women’s toilets issue that’s a hot topic on here that also brings problem posters. There have also been men that just love to antagonise women. These posters often post with no posting history, late at night. I’m not saying these are my thoughts (although they may be), but you asked another poster and I thought I’d answer.

A first time poster posting something that ‘has it all’ is bound to raise suspicions. This thread has been discussed on other forums and there is some doubt.

I hope I don’t get deleted, I’m just saying why others may see it as not genuine, because you asked the question.

Why would anyone make this up?

You must know that people have made things up because they’re pervs or they’re lonely or they’re want to stir up trouble. There’s been cases of people making up that they’re dying. It’s the internet, anything is possible!

That's a good question, hmm honestly my 1st reaction is no I don't think I would, but if the circumstances were exactly the same but a boy, he'd have pooed himself if I waited, so it's tricky.

Ok possibly I'd use the ladies but I'd be really much more unsure about it & I was pretty unsure with my girl.

So sorry for the waffle but honestly I'm not sure but great question.

I used to take my DS into the women’s toilets with me. I certainly wasn’t sending him alone into the men’s. Aged 8-9 I allowed it because he wanted to but I would get him to have a quick look in first to see if it was empty. One time a group of 3 big, sweary bikers went in after him and I was stuck outside hoping he was ok. Kind of lurking and listening out ready to go in if he needed me. He stayed in the cubicle until they left but it was a bit scary for him. They were just blokes on bikes being blokes and swearing but it’s not something I wanted my 8 year old exposed to. Another example of why we need more family friendly unisex toilets.

Yuck! I was thinking along the same line for another post(er) as well. Just delight in as vulgar (and shouty) as they could be.

‘Persistent poo, piss and toilet trolls?’ EW. That conjures up a revolting image! 🤢 I haven’t noticed that but maybe I don’t click on the threads.

I do think that the OP is genuine though and I can imagine my DH having exactly the same dilemma and then trying to figure out if he did the right thing.

You absolutely did.

And not a cat in hells chance I'm letting a 4 year old go in a public toilet alone, nor do I believe the majority of people would if it came to it

Yip someone helped me to know how to quote, was decent of them, pretty obvious I had no clue.

I can cope with the answers, just surprised at the -in a few cases anyway, frankly batshit mental vitriol.

Parenting is hard, well I find it really hard anyway, but yeh don't offer advise eh mate, just take the piss, that's the way to help a parent.

No flounce here, just needed bed & the whole 4 hrs sleep I got with a restless sprog onto of the 4.5hrs I got the night before.

How have I been vulgar? I don’t believe I have. I’ve used the same terminology as the OP and rather than ‘pooed’ or ‘pooing’ I used ‘soiling’. Really to emphasise that this is what was at stake here. If he’d been too timid to use the womens loos and she’d had an accident we would all be berating him for being a shit father.

I did get shouty - my bad - I got totally fed up with posters being utterly ridiculous and not considering the toileting needs of this girl yet donning the feminist battle armour. It’s not sticking up for women’s rights if we judge a dad for making sure his daughter gets to the toilet on time and the man bashing, as mother to a DS is making me angry. So apologies, again for shouting.

This thread is just full of absolute rabid nonsense.

I think it’s disgusting that you think it’s ok to post that. And pretty disgusting that you even had that thought. I think it says a whole lot more about you than it does about me. Is this the person you really want to be?

yes. A person that isn’t scared of calling out others when something seems off. And your posts do. Too many women feel scared of confronting uncomfortable comments. If I am wrong then no harm done, as you said you know yourself.

See upthread?

That's the sound of women's boundaries being tested.

And ignored.

Again.

Yes, isn't it?

Just rearead your post above.

‘Persistent poo, piss and toilet trolls?’ EW. That conjures up a revolting image! 🤢 I haven’t noticed that but maybe I don’t click on the threads.

I do think that the OP is genuine though and I can imagine my DH having exactly the same dilemma and then trying to figure out if he did the right thing.

I’ve been on and off mumsnet over the last 15 years, there are some revolting people hanging around unfortunately. It’s the internet, it’s not really surprising. Poo/piss toilet/knicker/period trolls are reasonable common. Knowing that sets alarm bells off for me on posts like this.

We have a son and a daughter, their dad has managed to never even think about using the women’s toilets with them. He also wouldn’t come and post on mumsnet about men in women’s toilets in any circumstance as he’s a decent man who knows how uncomfortable that may make some women.

Ok so now the facts of the situation are being weaponised to accuse posters of having a 'fetish' 🙄 which is truly warped.
I see a lot of broken and unhealed women on this thread.

I’m always confused by women who think a man mustn’t go into a women’s toilet with their four-year-old because women and girls shouldn’t have to wee with a man on the other side of a door, but think it’s fine for the four-year-old daughter of the man in question to walk past a load of blokes pissing in urinals.

Also, if you are a woman who thinks it’s beyond the pale for a man (who gave a warning first) to take his four-year-old girl into the ladies, do you refuse to use public women’s loos that have a ‘This toilet may be cleaned by a male attendant’ sign? Personally, I don’t know anyone who would refuse to enter a public loo on those grounds, but presumably lots of you would, judging from the responses here.

Obviously all down to personal feelings, but personally I have no issue with a man taking his daughter into the ladies’ loos with him. And before anyone asks, yes, I have been a victim of sexual and violent assaults by men. I’ve also been sexually assaulted by a woman, though, so perhaps my view is that people are very naive if they think men are the only danger.

Your daughter will be fine. She’s with you. In a couple of years she will be able to go in to the ladies on her own anyway.

As a grown arsed man, you can’t just come in to the ladies just because you don’t want your dd to go in to the men’s toilets. Just take her in to the men’s, carry her if needs be so she doesn’t have to walk on the smelly floor.

Men aren’t allowed in women’s toilets. Men in women’s spaces is usually frowned upon. So I don’t see why it should be any different when a man has his daughter with him.

If people frown upon a 9 year old boy (who is no threat to anybody) being in the ladies with his mum, then they can get lost if they would allow an actual man. It just weakens your argument against boys and their mums completely.

Oh my posts seem off so you get to label me a sexual pervert? I really do think you need some help.

Not everyone is a predator. Most people are ok you know. I don’t know what you have experienced to make you so suspicious but I’m hugely grateful that my experiences have taught me that most people are ok. Many are lovely. A small minority do bad things.

I will not be silenced by your name calling. You (unwittingly …. perhaps) are trying to silence a woman with an opinion here and it won’t work.

I think broken and unhealed is right 😞