Man in ladies loo (with little daughter)

[CallmePaul]

Hello Mumsnet, 1st poster here.

So I'm the man in question here, my 4yr old girl needed the loo in a big store today, went into the men's, stinky & horrible & the only 1 available cubicle is engaged, the disabled one is locked & my little one is busting.
I opened the ladies door, wow much nicer than the men's! I asked loudly if it was OK if a man came in with his little girl to the loo, got an OK from a cubicle, business attended to.

Washing her & my hands afterwards I got a pretty loud tut & mumble of humph womans toilets, from a lady who just entered, I get it, I'm a bloke in a ladies loos, I really shouldn't be in there.

I've never taken her in the ladies before, always the men's & some pretty nasty loos at times.

So acceptable behaviour from me or was I out of order?

I would be fine with this. What threat is a man just seeing to the needs of his little girl. I have had this issue with my disabled son when taking him out. We do have a radar key for disabled toilets. But some smaller independent businesses don't have a disabled toilet. Only male/female so I have to take him in the ladies. He's 21 severely autistic non verbal no awareness of danger. You wouldn't send it two year old into the men's alone.

I think you were wrong to go in.

It’s not just about whether he’s a danger.
For a rape or abuse victim it’s their actual presence in an enclosed space with the victim…

Thankyou @SwirlyWhirls

Perfectly acceptable, they are much cleaner, much better & dare I say it much safer for your daughter to use, I wouldn't bat an eye lid.

And when your daughter is eight or nine and going in by herself how would you feel about some strange man going in there then?

funny how men always seem to find an excuse to go into women’s spaces, but never the other way around. No woman is saying that their little boy would rather use the men’s loo so is it ok if she goes in there.

No I would not have a problem. Women’s toilets have cubicles, there is no need for a 4 year old to see men piddling into a trough or whatever the urinal set up is and I certainly wouldn’t send her into a public room full of smaller enclosed areas alone even if it is a women’s toilet.

Something is off here. It’s either a goady bloke wanting to make women uncomfortable or a poo/piss/toilet troll.

Reported either way.

This!

I’ve also reported.

Why is this an issue? He is with a small girl helping her use the toilet. Sometimes people just need to try and not be wound up by everything.

I'm disabled. Please buy a radar key and feel free to use the disabled toilets so you don't have to put up with idiots. Most of us don't mind, and you deserve to use the loo in peace!

I cannot believe that women who say they represent the interests of women would rather a small girl face the horrors of a men's toilet than a perfectly proper dad see them wash their hands in the communal area.

you tell him, Mrs TP! or for the best result, stay home ! poor phantom child

I think it’s fine in this situation OP. Far better than making your little girl go in the men’s toilets or on her own in the women’s - I can’t believe that most mums on here would be happy with that. I understand the concern about men invading women’s spaces thanks to the whole trans issue but in your case I think it’s acceptable.

He's the adult so yes. If the men's toilets are minging then he needs to campaign for better

Or for family toilets which would suit all

I don't want a man in women's space. I really don't

Just really impressed that you managed to scope out the men’s toilets, then take her to the ladies, shout out, make clear you were going to be going in there, whilst you daughter was going through violent bowel movements. Being a person with IBD, and having a child who has experienced both severe vomiting and diarrhoea whilst out, we have just used the nearest facility, no matter what state it was in. You can hold your child over a toilet, or wipe it with loo roll or wipes (which I’m sure you have in your bag being a father of a 4yr old).

I’m surprised how grumpy people are getting about this. Most 4 year olds I know would be scared to use a public loo on their own. Using it at school or preschool is completely different. Yes I’d be very surprised to see a man in the ladies but if with their daughter I would understand there was a need for them to be there.

@MrsTerryPratchett Yes a dad taking his child to the loo, which is a normal thing for a parent to do.

Same. Abuse of Women’s spaces and accessible spaces in the same thread. Grow up.

bravo !

Hello,

We're getting a lot of reports about this thread. Obviously, we can never vouch for anyone, but so far there's nothing about the OP that leads us to believe they're not genuine. We're here to make parents' lives easier - all parents.

Thanks all.

I actually can't believe so many people have a problem with this, but don't have a problem with sending their 4 year old alone into public toilets!

Too many "Karen's"

So you need to resort to misogyny and ageism?

A man that's planning to rape a woman doesn't usually have a 4 year old child in tow.

If the four year old is in the cubicle, all I see is a bloke in the women's loos.

I assumed he was in the cubicle with her?

I wouldn't have a problem with this. But maybe next time to avoid any awkwardness, you could let her go in by herself but stand in the doorway holding the door open so you can still shout to each other and see when she's done, and if need be she can finish washing hands etc. in the men's if she struggles to reach the sinks and dryer?