Man in ladies loo (with little daughter)

[CallmePaul]

Hello Mumsnet, 1st poster here.

So I'm the man in question here, my 4yr old girl needed the loo in a big store today, went into the men's, stinky & horrible & the only 1 available cubicle is engaged, the disabled one is locked & my little one is busting.
I opened the ladies door, wow much nicer than the men's! I asked loudly if it was OK if a man came in with his little girl to the loo, got an OK from a cubicle, business attended to.

Washing her & my hands afterwards I got a pretty loud tut & mumble of humph womans toilets, from a lady who just entered, I get it, I'm a bloke in a ladies loos, I really shouldn't be in there.

I've never taken her in the ladies before, always the men's & some pretty nasty loos at times.

So acceptable behaviour from me or was I out of order?

A bit presumptuous. My 4 year old wouldn't be able to do that due to hidden disabilities.

But if you're a woman then that's fine.

You go to the adults toilet

@Soapboxqueen disabled girls and women have rights also. The disabled toilets are not a nice extra for able-bodied people who are too important to wait their turn for a wee.

I thought it was a discussion forum?

Was interested in the female perspective.

@Itsjustagoogleaway I assumed he meant locked as in engaged for the disabled loo. Needing to ask for a key is not something I've come across before but I'm not someone who requires disabled loos so it could be a normal thing. Maybe OP didn't realise either.

Hmmm I get what your saying about being uncomfortable but if my child was about to poop themselves I would being using any toilet available.

Good for you

Many other women find it shaming and humiliating

And, as said, what we need is actually to have self contained individual toilets....

We're not the Borg. If you have a girl, you should probably learn that quickly.

in that case, you didn’t notice the full extent of options

But you do understand some women feel threatened by a man in an enclosed space and you should be mindful of tha5 nex5 time.
Use the disabled or a family room if available.
Never the ladies. Women who have been abused by men may not have the confidence to tell you to go away.

Although I get your point, I wouldn’t let a 4 year old using a public toilet on their own.
they wouldn’t be able to reach the soap, the tap or hand towels, might have issues with the lock, have issues with the flush if it’s different from the type they are used to. I really think 4 is too young to be using adult toilets unsupervised. I still have to help my 6 year old.

Thanks for reporting. Smells funny.

I think it’s much safer for a young girl going to the ladies toilets with her dad rather than going to the men’s toilets where there are men standing up peeing etc.
I see women taking sons into the ladies.
I will probably get flamed for this but I’d rather a dad with a daughter was in the ladies than a transwoman with a penis.
I have also chosen to go into men’s loos to use a cubicle in the past when the queue for the ladies was just too long but maybe we are different about this in mainland Europe.
However, I’ve seen places with small children‘s toilets in a room with the baby change facilities (these always used to be just in the ladies toilets) and think this would be a much better way forward allowing parents of whichever gender to take children to the toilet when out.

Ah. I rather assumed the disabled toilet was locked because someone was in it. @CallmePaul can you clear that up please? I guess also child may not have had time for them to get the key.
Op did the right thing by checking whoever was already there was ok with it. But I agree family toilets would be better.

If I walk into the loo and you are in it, how do I know that you aren't a manic sex pest?

The man who walks past the door sign that days "women" has already ignored one boundary, what's to say that he will respect my boundaries?

A man that's planning to rape a woman doesn't usually have a 4 year old child in tow. So your comment is just silly.

It's all gone too far this whole safe space with no room for flexibility. Having dealt with the traumatic experience of sexual assault at a young age, I feel really strongly about many things but who's in the cubicle next to me has never even surfaced or been an issue. I really believe that some people just want an argument.

I’m really sorry that happened to you - and I appreciate my post was overly simplistic, sorry. But I don’t think we need to worry about a man who is obviously taking his 4 year old daughter to the loo, presumably in a cafe/similar in the middle of the day.

Some inner cities have problems with disabled toilets used for drugs.
I assumed it was that type of locked.
Maybe not.
Just goes to show our different experiences.

"Some people are such idiots"

Especially the ones who don't read the OPs posts before wading in.

So the point of the thread is what?

And the point of leaving out the part where she's on meds and likely to crap herself was what?

Seriously?! A 4 year child? I would much rather a dad take his daughter into the women’s toilets than force a little girl to wet herself.

Personally OP I would have no issue with what you did, wouldn’t bother me at all - but I have young daughters so am understanding of why. And my DDs regularly tell me how gross the men’s toilets are and my little nephew always comments when I take him into the women’s about how much nicer they are!!!

Yes they absolutely do. I'm not trying to take away from that but I'm trying to be practical here.

According to OP his daughter was about to shit herself and the only working loo in the men's was occupied.

Assuming things were as imminent as he claims, the disabled loo was the best port of call rather than the floor.

If there was any time at all to wait he should have waited for the men's to be free or taken get somewhere else.

I would go mental if my husband let my 4 year-old go the toilet on their own and he waited outside. You did the correct thing

Umm, he’s with a small girl and they are clearly there just so that she can use a cubicle?