Man in ladies loo (with little daughter)

[CallmePaul]

Hello Mumsnet, 1st poster here.

So I'm the man in question here, my 4yr old girl needed the loo in a big store today, went into the men's, stinky & horrible & the only 1 available cubicle is engaged, the disabled one is locked & my little one is busting.
I opened the ladies door, wow much nicer than the men's! I asked loudly if it was OK if a man came in with his little girl to the loo, got an OK from a cubicle, business attended to.

Washing her & my hands afterwards I got a pretty loud tut & mumble of humph womans toilets, from a lady who just entered, I get it, I'm a bloke in a ladies loos, I really shouldn't be in there.

I've never taken her in the ladies before, always the men's & some pretty nasty loos at times.

So acceptable behaviour from me or was I out of order?

“Paul” must be so pleased to be getting so much attention from women for his first post on mumsnet. 🚩🚩🚩

If you’re uncomfortable by a dad with his 4 year old in a cubicle you need help. I personally think he should just use the disabled toilet but can only imagine the hysteria that would cause on Mumsnet.

I don’t know if that’s true or not and I honestly don’t have the energy to look it up after dealing all day with being a mum to two severely disabled children. But, honestly, what type of person would knowingly inconvenience a disabled person more than they are already inconvenienced in their everyday lives because, you know, a nifty wee?

It wouldn’t bother me. I don’t know why people are so bothered, you asked before going in if anyone minded, women's toilets have separate cubicles, it’s not like anything private is on show (unlike in the men’s toilets). Our local swimming pool has cubical changing rooms, not male or female areas so it’s no different really. Your daughter needed the loo and you needed to take her. For those saying a 4 year old can go to the loo alone I don’t agree.

@backtowinter would you really want dad taking daughter into men's with guys peeing at urinals?

@Almostwelsh Almostwelsh · Today 21:21

The child is 4. She has been using the toilet at school or nursery unaccompanied presumably. You could have sent her in alone while you waited outside.

I think a lot of posters don't understand that in school or nursery the toilets are child size. They a re lower and smaller so a child can use them.

The other option you had @CallmePaul was to nab a woman going into the loo (or a female assistant) and ask them to take your daughter into the ladies.

I would rather a man brought his little girl into the ladies than a little girl had to go into the men’s any day of the week.

I think this is fine and if I'd seen you in the loo with little girl I would have assumed you were in there for this sort of reason (i.e no other loos free). I guess in the future maybe immediately apologies if someone else comes in, e.g 'sorry, we had an emergency, we're just leaving'. The people saying your little girl should learn to hold it are just savage. I used the men's once when I was 9 months pregnant as no other loo was free and the alternative would have been wetting myself. When you got to go, you got to go.

Wise up

I wouldn't send a 4 year old into an adult public toilet on their own. I would rather accompany them into the 'wrong' sex toilet. Toilets at nursery or school will be sized for them and I still have nightmares about being unable to unlock toilet doors as a child.

I don’t see what the problem is - you didn’t ask to go into a cubicle with another lady? All you saw is them washing their hands with your daughter by your side.

You did nothing wrong! you put your daughter first, good for you

I'm sorry that a man chose to do that to you.

I was sexually assaulted by two boys in a primary school mixed changing room. I do not agree with mixed-sex multiple occupant facilities for anyone of any age because even primary-aged boys can commit sexual assaults.

There needs to be family loos in public places with a child-sized toilet, changing table, child- and adult-sized basins, and an adult-sized toilet behind a screen. This would allow parents of both sexes to take children of both sexes to the loo without invading a single-sex space or subjecting a little girl to the sight of an adult man's penis. The parent could use the screened adult-sized toilet themselves instead of having to tell a child to wait unaccompanied outside.

The correct way to accommodate children is to make facilities for children, not tell women to budge up and let men into our spaces that we fought hard for and continue to need.

Trying to imagine any version of any universe where I would hand my tiny child to a stranger to help them use the toilet…

Some women here need to get over themselves.

Don't get me started on trans issues, but a dad who genuinely wants to help his DD for 5 minutes is fine.

Women's loos have men cleaning them so this is not much different.

Funnily enough, yes I would assume a man with his 4yr old daughter in the supermarket in the middle of the day isn’t there to rape anyone. Call me crazy, I guess!

It was have my child crap herself in a corridor or use the ladies, I think I made the right decision.

I am surprised by so many commenters thinking it is acceptable for a four year old child to go to an adult loo by themselves - it not the same as being at school; the toilets are small. Also you never know what could happen. A four year old is too young to be left unattended.

Id be fine with this OP. She is a little girl and I have often heard the ladies loos are much better kept than the mens. All we want for our kids is a clean place to do whats needed. You did your job as a dad.

not take out a 4yo daughter with an upset stomach - asked a female member of staff for help, requested the key for the ‘disabled’ toilet, gone into Macdonalds,
large clean toilet, stayed home

There was a disabled available.
Op just didn’t bother to get the key.
This is the room he should be using.
Not everyone is comfortable with a strange man in an enclosed space.

Trying to imagine any version of any universe where I would hand my tiny child to a stranger to help them use the toilet…

I've been asked to do this and was happy to oblige.

The man waited outside and just said would I keep an eye on his child while she used the loo.

You are living in a strange universe if you think another woman is going to harm a child with the dad waiting on the other side of the door.

some man can just decide her boundaries don't matter because he feels like it.

Huh? She's little, too little to be alone in a public toilet. She needed help. Would you rather she "kept her boundaries" and soiled herself?

Nothing like a good bit of stereotyping on a Saturday night eh Mavis.

I'm really shocked by the suggestion that you should have sent your daughter into tbe ladies alone. After all any bloke who identifies as a woman thinks they can go in there now. No way would I send a 4 year old in unaccompanied. You were accompanying your daughter, you asked, I think its absolutely fine. But it does highlight how important it is to have family toilets. My partner hated taking our daughter into the gents.

If no paremt and child loos, you made the best choice imo.

Far too many Karen's about these days, it's not like you were using the loo yourself was it?!