Inheritance/Wills/Step families

[CountryBumpkin02]

I'm married and my DH has 2 adult children, both nice, but we aren't close.
I have no children.
I will eventually inherit my parents property as I am an only child. Dad has already passed :-(
I would sell the house, but obviously then the funds from the sale would go into our joint marital account which is the only one we have. I'm fine with this and sharing with my DH as he has been the main bread winner and has been very generous with his money (some of which was from his parents inheritance). He also has rental properties from his inheritance which will eventually pass to his children, plus his half share of our house will go to them.
My concern is that if I was to pass away, it just doesn't sit right that my parents inheritance would pass to my DH as it would eventually would pass to his adult children.
I just wondered how others had navigated this issue.
Should I open another account - but then does this look awful on my DH?
Any advice appreciated!

make A will and give a portion to your husband and another portion to charity if you don’t want all to be for your husband because of his kids.

Where do you hope for your inheritance to eventually go? Like if your DH wasn't in the picture, who/what charity etc would you like to leave it to?

I personally think that when you're married you should be able to discuss this sort of thing without offence being taken by your DH. However, I wouldn't marry someone in the first place if I wasn't happy with everything of mine being theirs and vice versa.

If you have no children, where would you want your inheritance to go instead?

If it was just us, I would leave everything to him, but my parents had no relationship with his adult children and so their property inheritance eventually passing onto them doesn't seem right? Or maybe it is, I'm very confused!

Close friends children, chosen charities, other relatives children on my parents side.

Where would you want it to go? I understand and am not disrespecting your unease at your step children inhering it though

I think maybe you just need to write a will?

I really don't know. Charity, children within my family. I don't feel my parents money passing to unrelated strangers feels right but unsure how to navigate this. Maybe I should just go on a world cruise and spend it all 😂

Once you inherit it, it won't be your parents' money. It'll be yours.

All money will eventually pass to someone you don't know. The 'charity' (vague!) will be unrelated strangers too.

Think about who you want your estate to go to and in what shares. You sound pretty vague about this at the moment. Then look up the laws on succession where you live. In Scotland, testamentary freedom has some restrictions in that your spouse is entitled to inherit some of your estate.

It just becomes more complex when step children are involved. Would you wish for your parents inheritance to pass to your DH adult children from another marriage? I don't mean that passive aggressively, a genuine question, as I'm unsure.

Make a will and leave it to whomever you want. I guess you can't specify amounts, having not inherited yet, but you could set out the proportion you want to go to each person / charity, I guess.

Ultimately though, the amount you leave to your husband will go to his children unless he pre-deceases you.

Sometimes I wonder why we care that much though. You can't take it with you or dictate what happens after you are dead. Is it so bad if your parents' money goes to your husband's family. You haven't said they are bad people. If your husband dies intestate ( or has he written a will?) and before you, technically you could be taking all his wealth away from his children.

Well why not?

I mean, if I had siblings and was particularly close to my nieces and nephews then I'd certainly think about leaving them my portion of the inheritance my parents (their grandparents) left me. However, if I wasn't close to them then I wouldn't be writing my step kids out of my will just because they're stepkids.

I've just re read your OP and see you're an only child. Unless I had close friends/other family members/a passion for a certain charity, I would like to think my step kids would "deserve" to inherit in my mind.

Who else might you leave it to? If no-one and nothing immediately springs to mind I don't see why not them.

So you die and you're ok with DH getting it.

But not DH dying and his kids getting it?

Where do you want it to go? Assuming there is any left?

You would be leaving it to your husband because you want him to have it and choose how to use it, which might be to support his children - I don’t see this as a bad thing if you have no children of your own. Also you would be dead so who cares. You won’t.

However I would be concerned about him leaving half of your house to his children. That would no doubt cause some problems. It would be better for him to leave his pension to them, or something else that you don’t live in, so that they benefit in some way from his estate but you don’t end up with problems. In theory you would then leave it to his children if that’s what he would have wanted.

It does get complicated though, because a step parent could easily not include step children in the well, especially if the parent of the step children died many years ago and they may not have had contact. But I think this would be more of a concern for his parents (I.e. concerned that their estate wouldn’t make it to their grandchildren but you instead) than yours.

Yes, because I love DH and his dying wish will be to care for his children. Plus I'll be dead. I have enough to worry about whilst I'm alive, not what dh is doing with my money when I'm dead.

i think you should spend it and enjoy it. Go on holidays, buy what you want.

as a pp said once you inherit it it becomes yours. Go spend it and enjoy it.

if you left it all to your dh it would pass to your stepkids. It doesn’t sound like anyone in your life would have grounds to contest it.

Very true

Thanks for your thoughts on this, I appreciate it.

This is an odd way of thinking. He has been the breadwinner and clearly spent a lot more money than you have during the marriage, which might otherwise have been inheritance for his kids.

This dilemma works both ways when there are stepchildren, as if your husband dies first and you inherit, his kids could be left without any inheritance from him. If you both wish …..You can both see a solicitor and make a will each which leaves your estate in trust for your chosen beneficiaries but still gives a life interest to your husband whilst he still lives. Your husband can leave his estate to his adult children in trust but with a life interest to you. You need to discuss this carefully because if your have joint property with your husband you will need to change it to tenants in common at the Land Registry. My late husband and I had this arrangement but on his passing, I decided to sale the property and to legally give up my life interest so that his children could inherit his half of the value of our joint estate straight away. The trust can also be useful when one partner is likely to have to go into a care home on the death of the other because it will protect 50% of the estate from being taken for care costs of the remaining spouse.

Really helpful- thankyou.💐

A great point. Thankyou 💐

Well do that then 🤷‍♀️

I have left everything to my exDH, he has left his estate half to me and half to the children of a close friend. Sometimes I think about changing my will (all my money has come from my parents) as I don't even know these children. If I go first then my money will eventually go to them. Then I think, so what I'll be dead, what does it matter? I will think about it sensibly at some stage, otherwise I don't really care.

If you want to be sure of what happens then you need to consult a solicitor and sort something out.

Do you have cousins who have children?

Of course it is ok to leave any of your estate to those you feel most strongly about. A charity, god children, cousins children etc.

Talk to your DH about your will in general terms, about how you would like to leave any of your own share of assets to god children, family friends etc.

If in due course you do receive significant inheritance use some for your ongoing life with your DH but put some in the best high interest savings possible in your name.