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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get paying thousands for a wedding?

155 replies

Milkshakeandcream · 03/11/2023 20:42

I know I'm probably in the minority. It's just something I struggle to understand.

My friend is getting married and it's costing literally tens of thousands of pounds. They haven't really got the money but are saving hard and borrowing and I know that it's what she wants.

I'd be really annoyed if someone judged me for what I spend my money on. We all have to prioritise and do what makes us happy. Knowing this, I still wince at the cost and can't help but think what else the money could be used for.

My cousin spent thousands on a lovely wedding and they divorced three years later.

If you spent a lot do you regret it or was it worth every penny?

OP posts:
StaySpicy · 03/11/2023 20:47

Ours was about £16k for everything. I don't regret it one bit. It was a lovely day all about us (nice to have one day in life like that!), with everyone we loved most, some of whom are no longer with us. Such lovely memories.

Sn1859 · 03/11/2023 20:50

I’ve never been married myself but I get where you’re coming from. I’ve been to two weddings that cost over £20,000 and both parties have said although it was a nice day, it wasn’t worth that much money! I can see why they are so expensive though. Wedding = ££ it seems!

SpringingJoy · 03/11/2023 20:52

We spent about £9k and I don't regret a penny. BUT...that £9k was all 'spare' income and we lived very tightly for about a year but that was it. No saving for years or lending. We had a £3k unexpected windfall, we used all of my £3k annual bonus instead of using it for a holiday as usual and then cut general spending right back to scrape the other £3k together over a year.

Also worth noting this was 2014. We got a church wedding for 80 guests and a reception in a beautiful, sought after coastal resort...cars, outfits, wedding breakfast, evening buffet, decorations, hair and make up done. All the trimmings. I doubt £9k would touch the sides nowadays for similar and makes me very grateful we did it when we did.

BananaSpanner · 03/11/2023 20:53

Ours cost about 12k. It was a struggle at the time as I was on maternity leave but don’t regret it one bit. Fab day, wonderful memories and all of our loved ones there to share it with us. Could have done it cheaper but it was what we wanted.

windypumpkin · 03/11/2023 20:53

I spent 5K and it was worth every penny

Dacadactyl · 03/11/2023 20:55

Our wedding cost over 10k and that was 14 years ago. We had 100 to the day and an extra 30 to the night. 3 course sit down meal plus buffet at night.

It felt like a lot of money then but we are both from large families and everyone gets on, so it had to be done.

We could've done a church hall thing, but we didn't want to. It was a fantastic day and I'm not planning on doing it again, so why not?!

I say that because we weren't struggling for money at the time, it was budgeted for and we already had a good house deposit. If those things weren't the case, then I'd have put the money elsewhere and been perfectly happy with a church hall.

PastTheGin · 03/11/2023 20:55

We spent around £1000 and had a lovely day. The most lavish weddings I attended have ended in divorce.

Hadalifeonce · 03/11/2023 20:56

Ours cost less than £2000, my FiL still says it's the best wedding he's ever been to.

Angrymum22 · 03/11/2023 20:57

Our wedding cost less than 2.5k nearly 25yrs ago. I think the average back then was 10k+. I dread to think how much they cost today.
We had a wonderful day and still look back fondly.
I’m currently planning a luxury break for our 25th next year. We can’t go abroad ( DS had a stroke last year and struggles with mobility) but hopefully will find a nice cottage or hotel by the sea or some sort of water.

I think most peoples hen does cost more than our wedding.
Id be tempted to elope and just have a huge party rather than spend what equates to a new car on one day.

HashBrownandBeans · 03/11/2023 20:57

Ours was £5k including everything, even the hen and stag dos, but we were very tight and did a lot of decor and food etc ourselves which was very stressful and I wouldn’t recommend it! Was a fantastic wedding though and looked more expensive than it was.

Original poster
Milkshakeandcream · 03/11/2023 21:01

I knew I'd be in the minority. It's what most people do isn't it.

Although my friends wedding is costing 5x these prices.

All I can think is I could pay off my mortgage with that. But people have different priorities. I'd pay a lot for a holiday if it was memorable which I guess is no different.

OP posts:
SomeCatFromJapan · 03/11/2023 21:01

OP same. I'd have hated spending that amount. We were about a grand all in I think.

I'd have obsessed about how I could have put it into my mortgage instead!

But no judgement on anyone else, we've all got our priorities.

FloweryName · 03/11/2023 21:02

We spent a lot, £25’+.

There are a few little touches that although lovely, were probably unnecessary but overall it was well worth it. We have big families and lots of friends and we wanted to host them well. Good hospitality isn’t cheap.

Starmoonsu · 03/11/2023 21:03

We spent thousands and are still married with kids now and have no regrets! I still like looking back at the photos. If you can do it and want to, why not?!

Tocktocknearlybedtime · 03/11/2023 21:06

Mine was about £1200 all in. Think the photos were the single most expensive thing.

Church wedding but as I'm a church member, that was free (gave an optional gift).

We had a relaxed picnic with a mixture of hot and cold food so everyone could mix, or not as the case may be! Could choose to sit inside or outside and had lovely weather in June.

justjeansandanicetop · 03/11/2023 21:07

I agree with you, although ours probably cost in the region of £10k, 11 years ago.

I had the intention of doing it as cheap as possible, but it's very difficult.

I dont particularly regret it, as there wasn't really an alternative, if we wanted everyone there, wish we did.

But I do very much agree that the whole industry is pretty crazy.

Dacadactyl · 03/11/2023 21:07

Milkshakeandcream · 03/11/2023 21:01

I knew I'd be in the minority. It's what most people do isn't it.

Although my friends wedding is costing 5x these prices.

All I can think is I could pay off my mortgage with that. But people have different priorities. I'd pay a lot for a holiday if it was memorable which I guess is no different.

I also think it depends where guests are coming from OP. We had people coming from the other side of the world, specifically for our wedding. Many others travelled from the other end of the country. With this is mind, we wanted to give everyone a good do.

IsItFinallySeptemberYet · 03/11/2023 21:08

So don’t pay thousands for your wedding then OP 🤷🏻‍♀️ Why are you worrying about how much your friend is spending?!

Horriblewoman · 03/11/2023 21:12

I think mine was about 25,000 and I have 0 regrets. It genuinely was one of the best if not the best day of my life and if I could do it over and over and over again I would. Our guests have told us that it was one of the best they’d been to. We prioritised good good, good wine and good music and had a party that we’ll never forget.

after postponing it twice in the pandemic we wanted something that was fun and full of our favourite people in the whole world and that’s what we got.

but it made no difference to us financially, we didn’t scrimp - it was a budget that was comfortable for us and included an un requested parental donation.

Bigredjumper · 03/11/2023 21:12

You're not in the minority on mumsnet. It seems here if you spend more than a tenner and expect any effort from family and friendly you're seen as hugely unreasonable and frivolous.

Good for you for being above all the silly wedding nonsense. So original and cool. I bet you're not like most girls, are you?

Catsmere · 03/11/2023 21:13

Friend of mine and her family are flying to Thailand (from Australia) for her sister's wedding. No, her sister doesn't live there. I just think "And how long is this marriage going to last?" It seems crazy to me to invest so much money in the ceremony, not to mention imposing all that travel and expense on others (my friend is not wild about going - her job is low pay).

Crooklodge · 03/11/2023 21:14

I think it's pretty scary how much folks spend on weddings, suppose it's all relative to earnings/parents caah. I honestly can barely even remember mine and I was completely sober, I sure remember having thrush that day though!

I can't imagine spending 10k+ on a wedding that I don't even remember.

Ours was less than 1k. Wedding dress was spotted as I was running through bhs for the bus, reduced to £33, bargain! I missed the bus...

Friends of ours lived with 2dc (5 and 3ish) in one bedroom in the mum's house for 2 years to get a house deposit because they spent 27k on the wedding. Absolutely madness, the mum is not particularly child (or adult) friendly and the wedding service but not that nice.

StillWantingADog · 03/11/2023 21:15

I think ours was well over £10k.
I don’t regret anything but if I turned the clock back I wouldn’t spend as much money again
if I ever remarry (not planning on it!) it will be register office with no fuss at all

whosaidtha · 03/11/2023 21:15

We spent about 10K 10years ago. Wish we'd spent more. Honestly one of the best days of my life!

FoleyHuck · 03/11/2023 21:16

Ours cost about £17,000 all together.

We saved hard for a year, family kindly contributed and we came out of the day without a penny of debt and without feeling like we'd 'wasted' any (we were happy with the value we got from all suppliers etc, and didn't feel we encountered 'wedding tax' anywhere).

Best day ever, wouldn't change a thing about it.