To not get paying thousands for a wedding?

[Milkshakeandcream]

I know I'm probably in the minority. It's just something I struggle to understand.

My friend is getting married and it's costing literally tens of thousands of pounds. They haven't really got the money but are saving hard and borrowing and I know that it's what she wants.

I'd be really annoyed if someone judged me for what I spend my money on. We all have to prioritise and do what makes us happy. Knowing this, I still wince at the cost and can't help but think what else the money could be used for.

My cousin spent thousands on a lovely wedding and they divorced three years later.

If you spent a lot do you regret it or was it worth every penny?

I think we spent about £25k 21 years ago. It was central London for about 100-120. Well well worth it!
My father gave me £10k towards it, I am the first (and looks like only) one of three girls to get married. My husband paid the rest. I was 40, and know my parents spent years going to friends' children's wedding over the years, so I wanted it to be special for them too. Lots of their friends came from abroad (I live in England but grew up in America).
It was a truly lovely occasion, I timed it so no one was just hanging around waiting for something to happen. The food was excellent, the wine and beer flowed. We had a tribute band. A memorable event that I do not regret one penny - mind you we could afford it! It didn't require months or years of saving. We would have scaled down if so.

5k twelve years ago and most of that went behind the bar!

I really don't think most people are spending 6k on a Hen Do which is what your wedding cost is today by inflation (which doesn't take into account how the wedding industry has bumped up costs well above inflation).

I think its ridiculous to spend all that money on one day.

Thing is so many people are saying it will never happen again. You don't know that. 50% of first marriages end in divorce now. 67% of second marriages and 73% of their marriages end in divorce. You're very likely to get divorced only a 50% chance you won't on a first marriage.

You have no idea how your marriage will go.

One of my friends spent hideous sums of money. Abroad hen do with multiple matching tshirts, swim wear, 2 sets of pajamas, all monogrammed with initials. The most expensive clubs on the island. Then a home hen do.

Then wedding 1 had to be small because of covid. Then she did wedding 2 so she could have the huge party she wanted the first time despite being already married. Then she went abroad and did wedding 3. All hideously expensive.

So her wedding celebrations were spread across 3 years with a wedding or hen do from 2019 to 2021

Fast forward to now and she's separated as her husband cheated and said he didn't love her anymore. She is also about to give birth so has gone from living it up at expensive weddings to being a divorced single mother. She isn't laughing any more at the debt incurred and hideous sums of money that were spent on weddings and hen parties now and all that money would have been better spent.

No one knows what will happen to them and I'm of the unpopular view that you should just get bloody married and focus on the marriage not the wedding. I've been to weddings and I don't care about the bow on the chair I'm sitting on or the bloody favours or sugared almonds it's just so wasteful.

It is ridiculous if you can't afford it, but if you can then it is no more ridiculous than spending money on anything else...

I don't know how much ours was. We eloped somewhere far-flung, but it was only us and combined 3 week holiday/honeymoon.

If I was guessing I'd say somewhere in the region of £15k? But that included flights to three countries and circumnavigating the globe so I don't regret the expense.

I wouldn't want to spent 20k plus on a one day event in the UK unless money was no object.

I’d not waste money on a wedding personally. Registry office jobby would be my max.

We spent thousands. About six, if I remember correctly. That included the honeymoon.

140-150 guests all day, no separate evening do, including children. We gained a few as the day went on. Free bar too.

Worth every penny.

i set a budget of 10k and the aim was to save 1k a month over 10 months. I didn’t want to use our savings or get any loans.

however we got almost all of it back in cash gifts on the day - although it’s not guaranteed, it is very common to receive a large amount of cash as wedding gifts.

we are in Ireland and from my experience as a guest you try to cover at least the cost of your attendance.
Even if I had know how much we would be given I think the budget we had worked for us

£12k but we had help from parents. I don’t regret any of it - we had a fantastic day. Would never have spent that if it’d meant us getting in debt though.

@Goodornot reading your post my own experiences might cloud my judgement on spending money on things that to me seem frivolous or wasteful, not 'sensible'.

Before I got married I had to drag myself up from a horrendous situation. Reckon it's made me extremely cautious. Your friends experience would always be in the back of my mind.

I also think WHAT you spend on is telling.

We spent almost all of our money on catering and booze (free bar all night), had no evening guests, allowed and catered properly for kids.

Did the flowers, decorating, place settings etc ourselves.

The ones where the flowers are lavish, hoards of bridesmaids, hours of photos but guests are left without drinks or refreshments in a shitty reception room with everything about how it looks on instagram are where I think it’s a waste.

Ours cost about £10k but that was 29 years ago. As was more usual then, my parents (dad and stepmum) paid the majority. I paid for me and my (1) bridesmaids dress, dh paid for suits for him and his best man. Mil paid flowers. Fil was too tight to offer anything. My mum and her husband paid part of the honeymoon (typically they gave us something that my dad wouldn't benefit from).

Even 29 years on I wouldn't change a thing. There were so few choices back then, no one was thinking about reportage style photos for the whole day, or chair covers, or sweetie carts or fish and chip vans, etc etc etc......

We got married in the church my family had gone to for years and had the reception in a local hotel. We had an evening out for our stag/hen dos. My friend made the dresses. Dh got a suit he wore to weddings until he got too fat for it!

It didn't feel cheap, or restricted. It was pretty much what weddings were like back then and ours came in a little under the average at that time.

Well if you’re not judging her OP then I don’t understand the point of this thread. Are you worried that your wedding will be compared unfavourably to her expensive wedding? Do you regret how much you spent on yours? Why would anyone on here care about how much a couple we don’t know spend on getting married? Just admit that you’re sneering at her wedding/financial decisions 😂

@Merryoldgoat I'm with you there! I find it bonkers people spend all this money but then your guests still have a pay bar because you've blown it all on a silly venue or a horse and carriage. I'm dead against making people pay for drinks but I know it's an accepted norm nowadays. Only invite as many people as you can afford to host is my feeling!

I'm with the OP too in that I don't feel comfortable with people saving 2 years for one day of their lives, it puts so much pressure on it. Whereas that money could alleviate so much other stresses they'll have in their early years of marriage - it'll allow them to take a good length maternity leave and nursery fees if kids come along, that sort of thing.

Tbh, I'm just not a party person so don't really get the fuss. The B&G ending up spending £100+ per guest, the guests spend at least that on travel, gift, fresh outfit elements, childcare, overnight stay etc. It's all an industry con as far as I'm concerned!

Considering the prevalence of affairs and the challenges that modern relationships face, I can't help but wonder if allocating those funds towards more practical and lasting investments would be a wiser choice. Perhaps directing that money towards securing a family home, building a solid financial foundation, or even investing in experiences that strengthen the bond between partners might be a more pragmatic approach.

The idea here is not to undermine the significance of a wedding ceremony, but rather to question the societal pressure and expectations that often drive couples to spend exorbitantly on a single event. Prioritizing financial stability and long-term security, especially in a world where uncertainties abound, seems like a rational consideration. It's about striking a balance between celebrating a meaningful commitment and making practical choices that contribute to a stable and fulfilling future.

The ones where the flowers are lavish, hoards of bridesmaids, hours of photos but guests are left without drinks or refreshments in a shitty reception room with everything about how it looks on instagram are where I think it’s a waste.

The majority of our money went on catering and the bar. I didn’t have a professional photographer, bridesmaids, makeup artists, fancy chair covers or formal dining. Appreciate that we didn’t need to hire a venue.

Sounds like the fantastic wedding I went to.

We were so well looked after all day and night and so were the dc. It was a day that really brought people together.

Think like you they did a lot themselves but spent out on food and little special touches for the guests.

Oh bore off.

I got married years ago not that anyone gives a shit. I'm sneering at nobody.

I don’t care what anyone spends..good luck to you but “our guests told us it was the best best wedding they’d ever been to “ is no measure ! Sooo many people say that!

All in, ours was upwards of £20k, altho we had contributions from family of about £8k. It was absolutely fantastic and I’d do it all again exactly the same, given the time again. We wanted the guests to have a brilliant time and they did. Our priorities were lots of great food, plenty to drink, great entertainment and, of course, for it all to look pretty! We could’ve found other uses for the money, but that was what we wanted. I’ve been to wonderful weddings that clearly cost a bomb and I’ve been to just as lovely weddings that were done on a shoestring.. they’re all fabulous in their own way.
You always get the guff on here about how only cheap weddings make a happy marriage… I’d beg to differ, I’m terribly fond of my lovely husband!

You’re not ‘in the minority’ at all. A lot of people just nip down the register office with two witnesses. We did that and took our witnesses out for a fancy lunch, and still had change of £500.

Ok OP yeah & let me guess, you spent next to nothing on your wedding & that makes you think you’re so superior to your silly ‘friend’ who feels the need to spend loads on her wedding…you bore off, you sound jealous to me.

I think it's crazy too.