To not get paying thousands for a wedding?

[Milkshakeandcream]

I know I'm probably in the minority. It's just something I struggle to understand.

My friend is getting married and it's costing literally tens of thousands of pounds. They haven't really got the money but are saving hard and borrowing and I know that it's what she wants.

I'd be really annoyed if someone judged me for what I spend my money on. We all have to prioritise and do what makes us happy. Knowing this, I still wince at the cost and can't help but think what else the money could be used for.

My cousin spent thousands on a lovely wedding and they divorced three years later.

If you spent a lot do you regret it or was it worth every penny?

Ours was uber cheap. About £2000 in 2000 (oooh that matches lol) We had a lovely day. It wouldnt have been in anyway better had we spent fortunes.

Ours was €30,000 and I don’t regret a single penny. There’s not many days in your life when you can make the entire day about you two as a couple and we didn’t want to cut any corners! The dance floor was full until 2am and memories made to last a lifetime. It made it easier that we could afford it as we got engaged at the start of lockdown so had two full years to save for it. If we hadn’t the cash we may have done it cheaper but we have no regrets!

We were around 23k for 100 day guests and 140 evening guests.

It didn't start out that way, we had a budget of 12k which we were willing to spend ourselves, parents gave us 6k and 5k each.

We just ended up getting a bit engrossed in the wedding particularly as we got delayed by covid which put an extra 2k on our costs by changing providers because things weren't available and adding more people for a bigger party because it was September 2021 so weddings had only been allowed for a few weeks.

We would still not change anything and don't regret it.

I went to one that was well into six figures; the marriage didn't last six months, the princess wanted a party, not a lifetime's marriage. He was shocked someone like her wanted him so didn't say no!

I spent 1k on mine, don’t regret it at all.

I think people want very different things and that’s ok. But I get what you mean op, I don’t really get it either.

I think people can spend however much they want on a wedding but if you have to borrow money to do it, you clearly can’t afford it.

It’s one thing putting a few things on credit cards here and there, that’s completely understandable and makes financial sence. Why borrow money from family members/friends/whoever just to fund a wedding? I personally can’t understand that

Ours was £17k last year and I don’t regret it but we didn’t get into debt for it. How do you know how your friend is paying for it? Lots of family were generous offering help for our wedding. You don’t get much £1k these days!

I don't get it either, but if it's what people want to do more power to them. I'm sure what we did wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea either.

We had a cheapo wedding and then spent our hard saved thousands to fuck off travelling for a year-long honeymoon instead. It was cracking, far nicer to have a whole year of amazing experiences than just one massive very expensive day.

Ours cost less than £5k seven years ago. We weren't going to have a honeymoon but came in so far under budget that we could afford one! I don't see the point in spending tens of thousands and having all the 'extras' which make the cost creep up.

Nah, I don't think people regret it. Even the ones who divorce. It's one day but very important for some. I couldn't justify it but my friend is, she'll be over 20k easily while putting saving for a house on hold (it's not what I would prioritise, it's not my money though). Each to their own. It doesn't half make me cringe though. I spent next to nothing on my wedding, it was the happiest day of my life, I don't think spending big makes that feeling any better.

I'm planning to spend no more than £3k on our wedding next year, we've both been married before so we're keeping it simple.

Mine was £10k, 30 years ago, worth every penny, divorced after 20 years.

Ours cost about £8k, 12 years ago. It wasn't particularly extravagant but catering was important and cost a lot, and a big extended family guest list. I don't think a wedding costing thousands (4 figures) is particularly extravagant, especially if you have a big family and want decent food. We are in London as well, so everything costs more. We skimped on a lot of stuff - very basic photographer, dress bought online, no flowers or DJ/entertainers, used our own cars/normal taxis. We could afford it and didn't have to save specifically (we have a good income and always save a proportion of it).

We spent £5k over 25 years ago. That was when you could only get married in church or a registry office.
Ours was expensive for the time purely because of the numbers invited rather than the reception venue costs. Our other big costs were my wedding dress and DH kilt, which he had made to measure. We did save money on cars (free from a friend who worked in car hire and a black cab rather than limousine); wedding cake made by colleagues DH; and a relative who played the bagpipes.

We're still together.

Good for you for being above all the silly wedding nonsense. So original and cool. I bet you're not like most girls, are you?

How unpleasant you sound @Bigredjumper

I don't get it either. Friends of mine got married last year and they've got themselves into so much debt for it, they're going to be paying it off for at least the next 15 years.

IMO I'd be happy with close family at the local register office, then hire a social club for a party and a buffet in the evening. I think I could get the whole thing done for under £1k, and I would still have such an amazing time.

In saying that, I went to a £20k+ wedding in a very beautiful Yorkshire location. Turns out that the bride essentially just wanted a registry office wedding and big party. So there's 200+ folk sitting in random hotel bars and hallways as the bride, groom, best man and bridesmaid bugger off for an hour to do the legal bit in the event places chapel.

No one had a clue beforehand, weird as fuck, especially he family that had travelled hours from Scotland to stay in the £300 odd a night hotel. I now need to go have a search to see if I can find their social media, curious if they're still together.

we could've just spent the night out on the piss in Edinburgh for all the difference it made.

I'm absolutely not coming in here slagging my friend or anyone else off. She knows what she wants and it's her choice 100%. Never in a million years would I say a word.

I think we all silently have our thoughts and opinions even when we know it's none of our business.

Dh and I are quite tight about a lot of things. With us everything is quite thought out and cautious. If we really really want something then we will spend. We'd probably do most peoples heads in.

£2K 20 years ago. There is apparently an inverse proportionality regarding the cost of a wedding to how long the marriage lasts.

Ours cost less than £500. I did the catering myself, bought some table decorations and favours, paid for help with the catering and washing /clearing up on the day, hired a hall, bought an undecorated wedding cake from M&S and some sugar flower decorations from Amazon, paid for the celebrant, a dress for me and a suit for him. 7 years ago, 40 of our nearest and dearest. It was a lovely day.

I'm quite frugal but we spent around £8k. I actually wish I'd spent more and cut corners less.

my wedding was about £10k but we budgeted £6k -
however some family decided they wanted to contribute which was not at all expected or required.

We worked out what we could comfortably save in 12 months and that was our budget. No debt, no bollocks.

Well why start a thread about her then OP? You’re judging her, & wanting others to join in slating her, for spending what you deem to be a ridiculous amount on her wedding. I don’t get what it has to do with you or why you care?

It’s really hard not to spend thousands if you want to celebrate with family and friends. We paid £10k 19 years ago and it was lovely but not lavish. Mum made the cake, we made our name cards and invites etc.

I completely agree with you OP. I think it’s grotesque. But I’m not from a background where anyone has 20k+ to spare, the only time I’ve ever had that amount of money in my life was a result of several years saving for a flat deposit. I think the wedding industry is capitalism on steroids, and frankly every expensive instagrammable “perfect” wedding day looks exactly the same so I don’t really understand why people want to pay that much to have something so ubiquitous. If you want a party just have a party, don’t tell the venue it’s for a wedding and it’ll probably be half the price. I really don’t understand the mentality of signing a legal contract with serious financial implications just so you can spunk 50k on a banquet in a stately home. Oh and wedding dresses mostly look ridiculous.