To not get paying thousands for a wedding?

[Milkshakeandcream]

I know I'm probably in the minority. It's just something I struggle to understand.

My friend is getting married and it's costing literally tens of thousands of pounds. They haven't really got the money but are saving hard and borrowing and I know that it's what she wants.

I'd be really annoyed if someone judged me for what I spend my money on. We all have to prioritise and do what makes us happy. Knowing this, I still wince at the cost and can't help but think what else the money could be used for.

My cousin spent thousands on a lovely wedding and they divorced three years later.

If you spent a lot do you regret it or was it worth every penny?

I've been to a wedding that cost over 100,000 didn't even last a year, it was a very hard wedding, my brother in laws, all about putting on a show and people pleasing. I've been to a wedding about £30k max range. And it was honestly one of the best weddings a I've ever been too. Close to the bride and they now have had a family. At events people still talk about how amazing her wedding was. Never been to one like it. They made sure everyone was cared for, looked after and also themselves. They understood they were combining families etc. Also been to a very tight budget wedding again that didn't last. I think it's genuinely about the couple and there intention, a wedding is about then and the joining of two families. My brother is spending £20k on his, means the world to him that we're all taken care of what he wants. Me, still engaged but a joke owner and started a family. All have had the similar cash to play with, all chose what to do with it. I wanted to have a home, family and get married whenever, I think as I worked in the wedding industry for years I just can not be bothered. I'm happy and one day I'll get married just not spending a fortune on it, plus I love a good holiday

I agree OP and I just don’t get it. Why would you spend the money on a single day, even if it was an amazing day? Fair enough if you only spent a couple of grand or you earn huge amounts of money, but I think most people get caught up in the nonsense of it

Ours was only £2.5k but a beautiful day and everyone loved it. Yanbu op we could never have spent loads.

If you are loaded then fine but I will never understand people who go into debt for one day just to keep up with the Joneses.

I don’t get all the money spent
the hen do weeks before
the saving for 3 years

jyst have a wedding, drinks down the pub a few days before. Then a big meal or buffet and a small holiday afterwards

Our day last year was all about us too, and we only spent £800 I think everyone should spend exactly what they want to (as long as they're not getting themselves into debt) to have the day they dream of. We like good food so we took ourselves and 6 guests out for a lovely lunch, and that was perfect for us. My sister loves a huge party so spent 45k on her perfect day. Different strokes!

ours was about 30k I think but I wouldn't have changed a thing. it was perfect and everyone still talks about how good it was. Best money I've ever spent (we did make it a long weekend affair though rather than one day)

it's not just the getting married bit, it's having everyone I love together from all over the country, something which would never happen again. it was really the best day.

No I'm not. If you want to think that then that's up to you. I already said I know I'm in the minority. Most people do spend quite a lot on their wedding.

It's not something I can really say in real life or would dream of saying to anyone.

It's interesting hearing people say that it was genuinely one of the best days of their lives.

You can think something without being malicious.

My parents earn a six figure income. They insisted on paying for wedding. It cost 20k, and that was 15 years ago. It was a brilliant day and no regrets (from me, DH or my parents).

I personally think you pay what you/ family members can afford, and it's not worth getting into debt for, or foregoing a deposit on a house. For us 20k was affordable.

What's lovely is hearing people say that everyone still talks about their wedding.

I do get that. I've been to one wedding where I can honestly say that it was a beautiful day, so much thought had gone into every detail and everyone was so well looked after.

Our wedding abroad (Rhodes, Greece) was about £25k all in, including the cost of flights and accommodation there for a week for me and DH, and a contribution towards the cost of flights for the lady doing my bridal and bridal party’s makeup, who is my beautician of many years (covering loss of earnings whilst she was away for this).

We only had 26 people there (immediate family and a couple of close friends) and they all made it their summer holiday. We paid for all wedding party outfits, hair and makeup. Chose a premium food and drink package and told everyone not to get us any gifts as they were already spending enough to be there. Everyone commented on what a fabulous time they had and it really was a great event.

We chose a destination wedding because it did work out a fair bit cheaper than what we would have spent on a country house hotel type wedding here, as there would inevitably have been a bigger guest list involving extended families, friends etc. Also, the weather was a big factor. I’d have been gutted to have spent a similar amount (or more) on a UK wedding only to have it pour down on the day and all of the pictures be grey and miserable. We have some absolutely stunning photos to look back on (ceremony was held on a veranda overlooking the sea, the sun was shining and the sky was blue with barely a cloud to be seen). 4 years later I still genuinely consider it the best day of my life.

I don’t regret anything I spent the money on but the one thing I would change if I could is to have my MIL and her husband able to be there. Sadly, she had not long had a stem cell transplant after relapsing from Hodgkins Lymphoma and could not get medical clearance to fly. It broke her heart and whilst BIL was able to FaceTime her so she could watch the ceremony, cake cutting, first dance etc ‘live’, it wasn’t the same.

Myself and DH have discussed having a vow renewal in the next few years, so we can get all dressed up in our wedding gear again and this time she can be part of it, as we’re conscious that, whilst she is now in remission, she isn’t a very well lady and we really don’t know how much longer we’ve got to make memories with her.

All that said, I have close friends (and a brother) who have had lovely weddings on a small budget >£5k. Ultimately, it comes down to what you and your partner want from the day and what you can afford. A factor will be how you plan to pay for it. All of ours was paid for from part of a redundancy payment I received, so it didn’t involve going into debt to afford it. Would I have been prepared to borrow/save for the wedding we had - absolutely. But I recognise not all people feel the same and there’s no judgement either way. The secret is not to forget that after the wedding comes the marriage and that’s the most important part of it!

2k 27 years ago but 1k of that was on the honeymoon. 😂

I always felt the same as you. In fact I didn't want to get married at all. I thought spending thousands on one day was ridiculous. But then when I had kids I did want to get married. And by that stage we had been together so long, the point was kind of to have a massive party to celebrate with friends and family. Having young children, we wanted somewhere we could stay and have entirely for private use. Which limited options and racked up the cost. But it was absolutely worth it. The majority of budget was venue and food. After that, we did a lot ourselves but still everything is very expensive. I can't actually remember how much we spent- I think somewhere around 15k. I wouldn't change anything. If we didn't have kids I might have done more myself. At one stage I was planning to make our wedding cake but quite late on had a 'WTF are you thinking!' moment and paid for one.

Why can’t you say it in real life? everyone IRL knows exactly how I feel about weddings!

YANBU. I read somewhere that the more expensive the wedding, the greater the chance of divorce.

Not sure if it's strictly true but I do wonder what people need to prove. Surely marrying the love of your life is enough. You can have a nice day without breaking the bank.

I’ve been married twice. My friends all say I throw the best weddings which is nice. I don’t really regret spending a lot of money but I probably would if it had got me into debt

Mine, 1998, was as cheap as chips. English church, local vicar (who required us to go on a 'preparation for marriage' course prior!); reception, after party. 40 guests in all. My dress was handmade, £250 (made in Australia, where we lived at the time). One maid of honour, shop bought dress, altered locally, one best man. Off the shelf suit like the groom, his brother.

No stupid stag/hen parties, as in, we both went out and got pissed with our mates, but not in Ibiza...

Vintage car, dad's mate. Flowers, mum's mate's daughter. Cake, my aunt. Photographer- family friend from across the road.

Reception local guitarist- who we never heard!

Then, essentially off to the pub with rooms, where we stayed, where all the singles sorted themselves out. My brother (chief usher) knocked on our wedding night door at 3am looking for contact lens solution.. 😂

But:
Nothing flash, nothing 'amazing'.

I honestly don't understand where the costs come in.

I still look back on that day, 25 years ago, with enormous fondness.

I think the whole shebang cost prob £5000.

I think my wedding cost no more than £1,000 all in. We wanted to be married, that's the important part.

I think mine cost about £8 million and I have no regrets, it was such a lovely day and...no...only joking, just joining in on the numbers game.

Mine was about £4k and that was abroad in Italy so we could easily control numbers/attendees, weather and got a really great holiday out of it too. Felt like a good way to do it.

My DS and DIL to be announced this evening that they've cancelled their plans for a big wedding and are going for a registry office ceremony and party at the local pub instead. I'm so happy, they were up to 15k already and that was without her dress, his suit etc. The thought of them spending all that money (and potentially getting in to debt for it) on a wedding was awful and I so nearly said something but glad I didn't have to.

Neither of our parents offered any help financially and we had no savings then so we eloped. Cheap as chips. Still good together 20 years on.

I would have liked to have a proper wedding though.

Annoyingly one parent paid for sil wedding few years later so gave DH some money (lesser amount) that would have been enough for a small reception.

@Fordian well your 5k wedding at today's prices would be just under 10k with inflation. so easy to see where extra costs come in so easily

I think it just depends on whether you want a "wedding" and what that looks like to you.

I think once you spend X on venue, X on food, drink, photographer, cake etc and it comes from thousands of pounds, you may as well just cough up and stop worrying about if its £5k, £10k, £15k, whatever and get the day right. No point spending that much and not feeling like it was perfect. As long as you can afford it.

I'd never say to someone who was getting married "good god you could pay off you mortgage with that".

I'd silently think it. I'd also think that I hope they don't divorce after spending all of that.

We spent a lot (£35k) but on the things that we wanted - good food, 12 foot long dessert table, subsidising guests rooms, paying for all costs incurred by the wedding party.

I also spent exactly what I wanted on the dress I wanted and chose beautiful blue satin Jimmy Choo shoes and matching bag with my inheritance from my DM who died 3 months before our wedding and taught me life is to short to not do what makes you happy.

But, there is no way I would've spent anywhere near that much if I couldn't afford it without getting into debt for it