To be worried about five days a week with 3 year old? And what’s your 3 year old like?

[Whatimconsidering]

I am considering changing from a private day nursery (3 days a week) to a preschool for my nearly 3 yo, but the preschool isn’t open in school holidays. For the shorter ones I think I could manage but the long six week one without a break scares me a bit I must admit.

However by the time it rolls round he’ll be 3 and a half. I’m wondering if by then he might be a bit easier. What are your 3 and a half year olds like?

I totally understand where you’re coming from with this.

I found 3.5 to be a wonderful age, super fun, but intense and definitely not without its challenges in terms of meltdowns and behaviour.

If I were you (I was you two years ago) I’d keep my eldest in the private nursery for now and enjoy them having a wonderful array of activities you haven’t had to provide for those days all year round. That way you can “breathe” for a day “just” with the younger one.

When mine were those ages it helped so much on the days they were both at home to know the next day was slightly easier. It made me a much better parent and gave me a chance of enjoying the time with them rather than surviving it. This included the summer “holiday” before my eldest started school - I felt huge pressure to “make the most of the time” but actually keeping our usual routine of nursery days was better for all of us.

I agree with the PP who said those ages are tricky over school holidays as many preschool activities stop but a lot of the summer activities are for age 4/5 plus.

Since my eldest has been at school my youngest is in a term time preschool and we’re fully in that term/holiday routine. It’s still a juggle to find school holiday activities that both can do but is much easier now they’re 2.5 and 5.

Hope that helps :)

Oh they do @Legomania , mostly it doesn’t bother me. I’d have judged before kids to be fair and while you can’t ever say for definite my baby does seem a slightly more chilled character than DS! And he’s lovely but my god that child has energy … and a lot of the suggestions people made wouldn’t be appropriate or suitable with two kids. Cinema for instance, maybe at 3 and a half DS will be able to sit and enjoy a film but a 12 month old, no chance. Likewise swimming - yes with one, not with two. So it is nice for both children if I can get one on one time with them.

What a lovely post @SpoonieMum19 thank you. I have to admit I’ve been considering deleting my MN account - not over this thread as such but generally I’m not finding it massively supportive at the moment - bur some of these posts are kind and sensible, two things I like a lot.

Is there a particular reason you are thinking of moving him from his nursery to a preschool? They both follow the EYFS so educationally it won't make a huge difference. Schools intake on a variety of factors which don't include attending the preschool there necessarily and they quickly make new friends when they do go to school even if no one he knows moves with him from the nursery. Given your concerns and situation I'd probably keep him at the nursery so he can stay with his friends and have the wrap around care you need.

Six weeks do fly by though and you might enjoy that time as a family before you are caught up in the school system if you do move to the preschool.

@Tumbleweed101 its mostly because if I do give up work private nursery is considerably more expensive. But also because of convenience and to make local friends - mostly him, but me as well!

It's not a question of loving it or not loving it.

It's being a parent

And presumably the OP was ok with that in theory as she's just had another one.

It's not a breeze, it can be drudgery mixed in with lovely moments when they do something new.

But unless there is a health issue going on with the OP I really don't get it.

If she was working and juggling more I'd understand. And presumably her DH can step up at weekends.

It's not like she's getting up at 5 to light the fires and doing all the washing by hand or anything.

It's not that hard.

You're worried about being with your child full time? Sorry, but hahaha

Look , I'm gonna say it like it is.
I do think u need to be honest with yourself about why you are dreading 6 weeks with your own child.its currently november next summer is a way off.

I think as a society we are outsourcing our parenting to institutional care (aka nurseries ) and only able to tolerate limited amounts of time with our own kids.
Then we wander why so many kids get mental health problems as teenagers . We are totally disconnected as a society from our children. We are not building meaningful relationships with them .
I even see posters on here calling it "doing childcare". WTF. it's your own child!
I would absolutely love 6 weeks off work with my kid . We would build so many memories.

@Nanny0gg i don’t get it either. I don’t get that because I’ve had two it means I should want to have them both all the time - I don’t. They aren’t always going to be this little, but while they are quite honestly I think anything that makes life easier is good. I really can’t understand the view that I should make my life as hard as possible because I’m a parent. That’s my reply to anyone pushing this view - what is to be gained by it?

I’m sorry but I have to ask, why did you not stop at having one child? You say that because you have two children why should you have to look after them both at the same time? Surely it’s very plain that that’s what parents do, look after their children. Yes, it can be tiring, boring and very stressful, but it’s what we sign up for.
Sorry, but I’m finding your point of view very odd.

I've just done this i think. My eldest was 3.5 over summer holidays and my baby was 7/8 months. Like you I was wondering how I would get through when making the decision to switch to term time only, so I don't think you're mad, it's hard bloody work! I'm not a natural full time all the time parent, I like my own space too which I don't really expect to be understood by two such small humans.

Anyway, we did, we survived and I'm quite proud of that. I also knew I wouldn't be doing it again so tried to remind myself of that. We got out the house as much as possible and really tried to explore our city as much as possible. There were absolutely tears and tantrums but also lots of lovely bits. We also don't have much/any family support so there wasn't an option to farm one of them off.

No regrets here going term time only - it's so much cheaper! Good luck!

I found it easy but that's pretty irrelevant really. I think if you're worrying about it now you should stick with the nursery.

If when they summer rolls around you decide you'd like an extra day with him at home how easy would it be to pull him out? I know some places want a lot of notice but others aren't bothered.

You’re not sorry, but we’ll leave that aside.

But what a puzzling response.

My children aren’t always going to be a baby and a toddler, in fact, that’s a tiny window in their lives. At the moment I have a 2 month old and a 2 year old and together that’s though, that’s really tough. Then I’ll have a 1 year old and a 3 year old and that’s also tough, although as we edge towards 3 that’s easier but the baby gets harder.

Then we have 2 and 4 and it’s still tough but light at the end of the tunnel, then 3 and 5 and hard moments but getting easier … then 4 and 6 and … See where I’m going with this?

I do love my children and I do enjoy spending time with them. But with both of them and at such young ages - and without wanting to over egg my pudding, that really isn’t a permanent situation - all the time is a lot. I have been considering the future and the different combinations that may work for us as a family and I don’t think many people would choose to have two very young children all of the time with no break.

I do actually think given the choice I’d have probably had a slightly bigger age gap but age wasn’t on my side (which may be another factor in why a day with two of them half kills me!) and besides I wouldn’t then have had .these children and I wouldn’t want any other child! I’m smitten 🥰 just tired

That’s so lovely @Potplant19 I have actually found 1-2 easier than 0-1! But I also know I feel a sense of relief when the day is over.

Have you considered seeing a doctor about your tiredness? You may have have a physical reason which could be helped or a mental health issue leaving you so exhausted. Young children are a lot of work but your level of tiredness sounds worrying.

Do you have a friends with similar age children you can spend time with while the children play?

I have a 3mo and a 20mo (not at nursery) and it's such hard work. Just because it's doable, doesn't mean you have to do it.

If nursery wasn't ridiculously expensive I'd send the toddler 2 days a week, but we're waiting to send him to preschool as its so much cheaper and I can't justify nursery costs as a SAHM.

Seems like keeping him at nursery would be easier but the only thing I'd say is that if he's going to be 3.5 next summer then he'll be going to school before you know it. So only one or two of those six week stints to do? It would be a lot cheaper.

For the first summer hols your baby will be 8mo which is a great age as they can't cause much havoc and they've weaned.

For the second summer you will have found your feet with two kiddos and it probably won't seem as daunting at all.

I have not considered seeing a doctor about my tiredness, and will not be wasting the time of the NHS. These posts which suggest there is something medically wrong with being tired after being up at night and running around after an active toddler and dealing with a baby are mad!

Thanks @lavenderdilly but your dates are slightly off - baby will be just approaching first birthday these summer holidays. Which is a lovely age in many ways but can also be challenging as often mobile but still very much a baby!

Also just to add that (like me) you are in the postpartum period, you are depleted from pregnancy and tired with a new baby. You won't feel this knackered forever!

@Whatimconsidering

Ah I see, I was making a bit of a guess. I absolutely hated 1yo - 18mo so I feel you! It was tantrum town.

I think 16-19 months were tricky with DS. Very frustrating as he didn’t have much language, just a handful of words like car, cat, mummy and so on. Things got a little easier when he could string two words together (mostly ‘no’ followed by whatever it was he didn’t want!) at just before 2. He now never shuts up can talk a lot but current struggles are tiredness - he’s at that funny stage of needing a nap but not needing a nap - jealous of the baby, bossy …

My 20mo isn't talking yet and it is a source of much frustration as he understands absolutely everything!

I think if I were in your shoes I would keep your LO in nursery! These are hard years!

I remember times of being absolutely knackered when mine were similar ages - like I was wading through mud by 5pm. Also being delighted to go to have a wisdom tooth removed as it was a rest 😬 However the times I was most knackered were when I was also low in iron so don't rule that out - pregnancies and breastfeeding drain your iron stores. Things are a lot easier if you are with other people, the days are shorter but I saw what you wrote about not having a network yet. And lower your standards and put the TV on, do things that physically exhaust him but not you - soft play, children's centre, preschool swimming classes where you don't have to get in the pool. I think fun days out where you have to walk round and carry and plan everything are a pain in the arse at that age!

Because you're talking about 6 weeks!

That's all. SIX weeks!

So having been there, done that for lots longer than 6 weeks, I think it's pretty easy actually.

That's life with a young family, really.

On the one hand you wish they would nap and on the other hand, naps really tie you down.

When I had small children at home with me 24/7 I got the baby used to napping on the fly in the morning. The morning nap was the one the baby was to drop anyway. For the afternoon nap time, I turned on the TV for the older child ('quiet time') and got dinner prepared. Normally I made enough dinner to last at least two days so I didn't have the looming crisis ahead of me every single evening.

Any reason your H can't get home a good deal earlier? Your days are long.

Would you consider hiring a mother's helper (a local responsible teen) for summer afternoons? He or she could take your older child outside to play or spend time playing indoors with him on rainy days. You could have help every afternoon or a few afternoons a week (Tues, Wed, Thurs, for example).