To be worried about five days a week with 3 year old? And what’s your 3 year old like?

[Whatimconsidering]

I am considering changing from a private day nursery (3 days a week) to a preschool for my nearly 3 yo, but the preschool isn’t open in school holidays. For the shorter ones I think I could manage but the long six week one without a break scares me a bit I must admit.

However by the time it rolls round he’ll be 3 and a half. I’m wondering if by then he might be a bit easier. What are your 3 and a half year olds like?

Cross post, thanks @Branster

Holiday clubs?? I’ve found it tough going with my 2YO especially because the nursery is attached to a private school so summer is 8 weeks, Xmas will be a month but from my experience with older DD once they turn 3 and providing they’re semi reliable with the toilet you then have alternative options.

Hmm … toileting is another challenge at the moment but hopefully that will have also changed by the summer. I just very much don’t want to make life difficult for either of us, it’s hard to know what the best options are!

Children are hard work? Surely you knew this before you had one?
It's not skipping around mountains or London singing and dancing.
It's gruelling but surely this is what you signed up for?

6 weeks with your own child? 6 weeks?

You sound strange to me.

So what on saying is maybe this thing you're dreading will actually do you both some good because you will be forced to learn how to manage and deal with your own child.. You may get thru it with more tips, stragety... Coping mechanism.

I just don't think it's healthy to dread 6 weeks with child?

i Just wanted to hop on the thread and say I totally understand the exhaustion! I have a 2.5 Yr old and 1.5 year old who both nap still and it’s a lifesaver!
I do think life with little ones is all about routine tho and once you e found your new 6 week “routine” you will smash it. And dare I say - even enjoy yourself! Pray for good weather and get outside lots x

@LimboNovember perhaps I sound strange, you sound unkind. I know which I’d prefer.

I shouldn’t bother replying but I will and I’ll speak very frankly, I don’t ever have a moment where a child isn’t with me. Maybe once a week DH might be able to take DS to nursery and take the baby along, which gives me around half an hour, once a week.

When I have them both, DS is noisy (he’s only young) he doesn’t always understand I can’t do the things he wants me to do because of the baby, the baby gets overtired and cries, I need to settle the baby, poor DS gets ignored but I get ignored too and before I know it it is four in the afternoon and I haven’t sat down. DH finally comes in about 730 pm and I’m frazzled and wrung out. I manage - just - for two days a week. Any more than that and I do think the exhaustion would get to me. That may be strange and if it is, I’m guilty of being strange.

It isn’t the child personally I dread, but the tiredness. But as I’ve said things can change very rapidly and at nearly 3, DS is a hell of a lot easier than at nearly 2. However a new sibling is a spanner in the works …

Hiya lovely, I know exactly your fears!! Please ignore the weird comments you’re getting. I’m with my two all day, everyday, every month, with a husband who works shift or away. I’ve had similar comments from working mums who say, “you must really love being at home with them, time to have cuppas, and do activities”. Yes, activities, all day, everyday, rain or shine, sickness or health 😂 I do my best and always have an itinerary, with suitable bags packed, emergency supplies and packed lunch ready. Stimulating activities involving age appropriate cooking, baking, outdoor adventures. And yes, I do have the right to find it tedious and draining sometimes. I like how someone else has put it, “by 9am, my eyeballs are melting out my head” YES exactly!!!! They need so much, and it’s not a crime to feel you only have so much to give.

I have no real advice pertaining to your question but now that mine are four and two, I’ve recently found that I’m suddenly no longer treading water and that I’m more often than not, genuinely enjoying their company instead of going through the rote of the day. And am no longer an overstimulated mess in the evenings. I know, that will sound awful to lots of people but hopefully be understood by you in the spirit of hope, OP!

It is very much getting through it, I don’t think I do a bad job - usually - we get out a lot and it’s nice in a way but I think a lot of people will know what I mean when I say it’s the stress of always having to think ahead. So we get to a place at 10, and I’m thinking the baby will probably need feeding at about 11, then I have to make sure DS has lunch at around midday (I don’t mean the world will implode if he has it at half past twelve but around midday) then I have to time it so DS doesn’t fall asleep in the car on the way back (he is horrendous when he wakes up from a day sleep) and make sure I try to get another nap out of the baby and when will I get to make dinner … So relaxing and enjoying the moment is hard, although I do.

And although I do think I have mostly lovely children, they are children, the baby cries, my DS has tantrums, isn’t always compliant.

i also do think he genuinely gets a lot from nursery but hopefully he would from preschool too.

@Whatimconsidering i dread the 6 weeks and mine are older than yours and I have a lot more help and support. I hate how you’re having to explain yourself. I dread the weekends 😬but they’re happy and healthy and loved. Do whatever you need to do xx

I think if you'd put that you also had a baby in the OP you would have got different replies!
Yes it's hard with 2, much harder than 1, also if you don't have any family at all who can give you a break then it can get relentless.

I did 3 long summer holidays with baby + toddler at home and it was easier each time...the most recent one the younger no longer naps so that is one less thing to worry about. The first one was absolute hell as baby cried basically non stop day and night for the first few weeks of its life. To be honest I can not remember much about that.

One thing is that by 3.5 most children will sit and watch TV for a couple of hours if you get really desperate.

We used to go out in the morning, home for lunch, TV/nap/rest for a couple of hours in the afternoon then out to the park before tea. There are often activities at the library or children's centre that are cheap/free, but not many things that you can drop off a 3year old

Do you not work?

Yes, 2 and 4 are good ages. Although everyone I know with young children agrees that it's full on with both of them at once

Use the 6 weeks to establish a routine and you'll probably find it easier all round.

For the six week holiday, DH took a day of annual leave every Wednesday. This was mainly so I could work (I can work in evenings but it'a knackering to wrangle a kid all day then work all evening!) but it's also a nice break. I love hanging out with my DD but I also do like a little bit of quiet time, whether to work or get some jobs done!

I would stick with the nursery if you don’t feel you will cope. I do understand though. I’ve had my tough times. During lockdown dds nursery were only taking key worker children so I had her at home with me for months and I had a newborn and obviously we weren’t allowed to go anywhere really. Dh was out at work. It was tiring, lonely and extremely relentless. She’s at school now and my youngest at preschool so both are off during holidays, but they are a breeze in comparison to lockdown days and I absolutely love having them off.

I'm trying not to sound judgemental but I have to be honest I just can't understand how this is so absolutely hard. It comes across as a little bit odd to me. Isn't this just being a parent. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but do you have any symptoms of PND or anything like that?

Isn’t this just being a parent

The just implies being a parent is easy - I don’t think it is. It’s delightful but definitely not easy. But some people are brilliant at it. I am probably not one of them though.

I think we do have a fairly good routine - not sure that this makes an enormous difference.

I will hold off doing anything for a while. But six weeks is a long time to have two very young children without a break at all. As I said on the first page, six hours is a long time!

You sound strange to me tbh, you admit
its gruelling but don’t understand why anyone would worry a bit about it?

Anyway OP, I totally get you. I have a baby and an older child- 6 weeks on my own with either of them would be reasonably ok, but 6 weeks juggling their competing demands and “I’m hungryyyy” just as you’ve sat down to feed the baby or the baby crying just as you’ve sat down to do a nice activity with the older kid… I’d be apprehensive too!

Honestly I’d make life easier and stick with private nursery, especially if he’s settled there, but otherwise I think routine is probably the key.

But I've said its gruelling? The word gruelling doesn't imply it's easy at all?

It's hard work?

Of course people worry.

I've posted millions of times on here asking for help with any load of issues from sleep to eating to keeping a toddler occupied etc but the difference is I worked out how to get through it and cope rather than totally avoid it.

Mine were 2 years apart and I found a student in her final year of childcare who came over twice a week for 2 hours and took the baby out in the pram and while I had 121 time with my toddler. It kept me sane and didn't cost a fortune (going back a bit mind!). When she went back to college, I found an older lady who'd had her varicose veins done and needed to walk every day so she was next! It was having the baby to look after as well that pushed me near the edge.

But you would have 2 days of a break every week surely? You’ve a young baby and haven’t mentioned being a single parent so you presumably have a partner.
You aren’t really doing 6 weeks on your own.

If I went for the preschool I would @Coffeerum . I think you haven’t understood something (not meant to sound rude, I miss stuff all the time!)

@LimboNovember i really, honestly don’t think there is any need to be unpleasant about things. We’re all so different. At the moment, when I have both of them solo, I don’t sit down, or if I do it’s trapped under a sleeping baby as DS destroys the house around me! I feel no one gets the best of me, feel very guilty and low.

The thought of one day like that followed immediately by another then another … it does make me feel a little horrified, I won’t lie! But that’s right now and I know things will change. I just don’t know when.

@Whatimconsidering If I went for the preschool I would @Coffeerum. I think you haven’t understood something (not meant to sound rude, I miss stuff all the time!)

No I fully understand you. I’m pointing out that you have weekends and a bank holiday during those 6 weeks as a minimum. You aren’t really “on” by yourself for 6 weeks straight.

Either way I’ve no idea why you’re toying with the idea of not returning to work after maternity leave when you can’t cope with the thought of 6 weeks with them both. Why on earth would you become a SAHM in those circumstances?

@Coffeerum all sorts of reasons. I’m not actually posting about that at the moment. What I will say is I feel I can parent one at a time very well but both at the same time is difficult.

Weekends are not a haven of stress free time - DH is around which is really helpful but Monday to Friday is a hell of a long time.