To be worried about five days a week with 3 year old? And what’s your 3 year old like?

[Whatimconsidering]

I am considering changing from a private day nursery (3 days a week) to a preschool for my nearly 3 yo, but the preschool isn’t open in school holidays. For the shorter ones I think I could manage but the long six week one without a break scares me a bit I must admit.

However by the time it rolls round he’ll be 3 and a half. I’m wondering if by then he might be a bit easier. What are your 3 and a half year olds like?

But that would be an ongoing problem. Seriously if you can’t manage 2 together for 6 weeks then you aren’t going to cope very well being a stay at home parent. It’s not realistic to think you will be able to structure it to only have to manage 1 at a time.
It’s not just summer holidays, there are 2 week half terms and regular holidays throughout the year.

I have just one 3 year old. He’s very active. Also goes to pre school so just 3hrs Mon-Fri. He had 8 week summer holiday this summer when it was closed.

It wasn’t too bad tbh. I had some work to do also so a bit of entertainment whilst working some days.

But if it helps I found the easiest days were days with no plans and just pottering around house and garden tbh. It busy at main attractions locally in summer, so I keep those for weekends when dh can help.
Weekends we did a lot of pottering in garden, sandpit and water play well used, planted some veg he could water and harvest. Ds Running bike around block or in woods above (nice and shady when hot).
With just some mornings drive to nearby different areas to walk, bike, to playground, or invite neighbour children over in afternoon in garden. Etc..

Maybe once a week I took him to local small farm petting zoo place alone.

Yes I know thanks - I do address this in my OP.

Some of you obviously want to make me feel bad, I am not sure why, but it doesn’t change the fact two together are challenging in a way one at a time isn’t. I can and do cope but I am of the opinion that life shouldn’t be about coping and completely exhausted and wrung out just so you can say ‘hey guess what, I did this! I am better than you.’ If I can afford a bit of a break / respite then that’s good for us all.

I know summer 2022 he went to nursery two days a week and the rest of the time we went to parks, farms, swimming, trampolining, it was lovely. But a baby as well means we can’t do some of those things and the ones we can do can be difficult. That’s now and I know it will change. Just not sure when it gets easier 🤔 and I don’t see any point in making life unnecessarily difficult.

Why did you have a second child when you can’t handle 6 weeks with the one you already had? Poor kids. Leave him at nursery, he’ll have fun.

What are your 3 and a half year olds like?

A lot of hard work. Has mostly outgrown ‘easy’ activities like toddler groups and going to the swings. Wants proper trips out and entertainment. Playing alone is still hit and miss, mostly miss. Obscene amounts of mental and physical energy. Needs to run, outside, daily. Ferociously head strong. No nap to break up the day anymore. Asks 1037492048492 questions a day and talks none stop. Great company (when he’s in the right mood) but absolutely exhausting as well. I’ve found age 3 much more tricky than age 2. I’ve just navigated my first pre school half term break with 3 yo and baby and it was hard. I enjoyed it but I think 6 weeks would be exhausting and expensive.

What time do they both go to bed? Do you not get any time in the evening to yourself?

Just not sure when it gets easier

Sorry, but in my experience, it doesn’t get easier. DS1 needs far more structured activities at age 3.5 than he did at age 2. At 2 he was happy to potter round outside looking at cars and buses and trees and playing in whatever local park we came across. 3.5 is the age when they want proper outings to farms and trains and trampolines etc. I’m a ‘get out all the time’ type with my 3 yo and baby as I find it far easier then being in the house. If getting out to places doesn’t work for you then I would leave him in nursery.

We're all different. I love my DD but I would have found it really hard spending six weeks straight with her 24/7 at that age. Having children for me is about building what will hopefully be a lifelong relationship - wanting some breaks from looking after them when they're very small doesn't make somebody a crap parent. @Whatimconsidering you're getting a really hard time on here and I find it really odd. Please don't think there's something wrong with you, or how you feel.

Do you think they would be better without me @berksandbeyond ?

What is the point of making life as hard as possible? And ‘poor kids’ - at a private nursery with masses of outside space and play equipment and friends to play with and home cooked food? It’s not exactly torture, is it?

@coffeemachinedescale yeah totally, toddlers are hard going.

@Whatimconsidering you don’t need to make life as hard as possible, no one said that, but im assuming you’re depressed and really struggling if you can’t handle your own child and are already panicking about next summer.. in November. So I would suggest you go see your GP. You deserve to enjoy your children and your children deserve happy, active and involved parents.

I’m not panicking - I am asking, and I’m asking now because I will need to make some decisions soon.

If you thought I was depressed, why did you say Why did you have a second child when you can’t handle 6 weeks with the one you already had? Poor kids Because that would be incredibly cruel to say to a woman suffering from depression, wouldn’t it?

Yes OP, it might be worth a chat with the GP. My (lovely) GP has been very open about how hard she found it looking after her own children when they were small, so you might get a lot of empathy.

I don’t really want empathy though I was just wondering if by the summer, with a 3 and a half year old and a one year old life might be easier than 2 and 3/4 and 2 month old. The answer seems resoundingly to be NO!

I just meant that I doubt the GP will think you're depressed for not wanting to do childcare for weeks on end. I doubt any of the GPS are doing it

I’m getting a bit lost here but I don’t think that’s a good use of the GPs time.

Of course it's not. That's my point. Only the most old fashioned GP would think there was anything wrong with you for not wanting to do weeks of solo childcare. Sorry for not being clear!

Apologies - as I’ve said, am a bit lost!

If you have a small baby now though, won’t you have a 1 year old next year that will need taking places anyway?

Op I don't blame you, mine are a fair bit older and they can still be relentless at times.

I wouldn't fancy doing weeks on end with two small children either.

OP you have years ahead of you having to deal with school summer holidays, please stick with the summer childcare cover for your 3 year old whilst you have it - and especially while you have a baby.

Some people love the baby/younger years phase, but i likewise found it really hard when too much all at once, and couldnt' have done two kids simultaneously (at least not well) unless i HAD to - and you don't have to. Save your energy for parenting well the rest of the time and don't back yourself into an unnecessary corner. Sounds like you understand your own strengths and weaknesses :-)

I hear you ❤️ My two were 3 and 1 when lockdown hit. I was a SAHM stuck at home with them both while my husband continued to work full time, for months. No preschool, no toddler groups, not even softplay- no outside help whatsoever. I don’t think I’ve fully recovered from the burnout. You’ve got a few more years before things get tangibly easier so given everything you’re saying about already feeling anxious at the prospect of six weeks with no break, my strong advice would be to continue with all year round not move to term time only yet.

My two are now both at school and I’ve recently gone back to work part time, and frankly I enjoy the “rest” my working days give me during the school holidays. It’s a lot easier to prevent a breakdown, than to recover from one.

@Whatimconsidering okay then, put both kids in boarding school. Everyone lives happily ever after 🤣

OP - AIBU?
people - yes
OP- how dare you disagree with me

Yes @Caspianberg ?

@berksandbeyond no.

My main question was about what 3 and a half year olds are like, and to be honest the only people who have said I’m being unreasonable are you and a couple of others.

And since you believed I had depression and yet thought your post was OK, I’m not sure your opinion is one I care about, tbh.