To be worried about five days a week with 3 year old? And what’s your 3 year old like?

[Whatimconsidering]

I am considering changing from a private day nursery (3 days a week) to a preschool for my nearly 3 yo, but the preschool isn’t open in school holidays. For the shorter ones I think I could manage but the long six week one without a break scares me a bit I must admit.

However by the time it rolls round he’ll be 3 and a half. I’m wondering if by then he might be a bit easier. What are your 3 and a half year olds like?

I’m not really asking about what to do though?

Not at the moment unfortunately @Whatimconsidering for various boring reasons but hopefully only until the next summer holidays! I think people can underestimate the impact that broken nights/ early mornings and long days alone with just the children for company can have, it is physically, emotionally and mentally difficult no matter how many days a week you're doing it for and admitting it doesn't make you any less of a good mother in my opinion. My mantra at the moment when my son is driving me loopy is "3 year olds are meant to be annoying" because they are!

It is really hard. One of the problems is I don’t actually know anyone wanting to meet up, they all seem to have their own friends / family members, so while I have met people at groups the relationship doesn’t really go past a friendly chat. Where we live is quite isolated, which doesn’t help.

I find it sad that it seems you’d rather your child be at nursery than with you, regardless of the reasons it is sad.
needing a break after one day isn’t normal, are you sure you’re not lacking in a certain vitamin or something?

I mean this gently but if you find one day with them totally exhausting then six weeks will break you.

I did 8 weeks this summer with a 2 yo and a 3 yo (and pregnant) and it was hard but I regularly spend days with both and no help and knew I could manage.

It doesn't matter what other peoples experiences are; you know yourself best and it sounds like you will struggle.

Yes, you’ve made that opinion clear, and I can’t be a hypocrite here, I’d probably have shared that view once, and then I had my child and had to eat my words.

This morning, he had a swimming lesson which went well, then for some inexplicable reason sat down in the middle of a puddle on the floor so his clothes got soaked. Came home and got changed, he had had a poo, reminded him nicely he can tell us when he’s pooed. When I was feeding the baby he opened a drawer and threw a load of papers and letters out of it. Wonderful. Had a walk in the park and fed ducks, tantrum because I made him hold my hand by a road, refused dinner (eventually ate some with a lot of persuasion) and twelve long hours after he got up finally went to bed after his bath and bed.

And that’s without mentioning the baby.

That sounds like an average day to me. I know you don’t want to accept people’s advice saying see your gp but it really would be worth having your bloods checked.

I think it will be much easier. Just make sure you have an activity planned every day. The 1 year old will be on 3 meals a day and hopefully a regular nap schedule by then.
I would suggest something like:
Monday - Park with picnic, afternoon trip to supermarket
Tuesday - Soft play lunch out. Baking in the afternoon.
Wednesday - Libary/ Museum then swimming
Thursday - Local attraction such as petting zoo, city farm etc
Friday- Different park so woods rather than play ground or sandpit

Obviously you need to mix this up depending on weather.

Yes, a normal and exhausting day

I do find MN advice on some things a bit odd, it does sometimes seem like people think the GP is there to be your personal friend. Being woken at 2 and 4 o clock, then dealing with an active child and meeting the needs of a baby and feeling tired and a bit drained is not a medical issue.

We’re pretty good at activities and things to do to be honest.

Feeling tired and drained is completely normal. Feeling like you need a break after one day isn’t. Feeling like you can’t cope unless your child is at nursery most of the week isn’t. It’s nothing to do with thinking the gp is your friend but genuine concern that you need to be checked out after reading your own posts.

OK @Chichimcgee , I’m not sure that this is helping anyone, it certainly isn’t helping me.

And my ‘break’ is literally I don’t have the toddler, by the way, it really isn’t a break in the sense that I just get to chill and do whatever I want.

I don’t know why so many people are being harsh here! My two DC are similar ages to yours will be. If I was you I’d keep the oldest in the private nursery. It’s hard hard, exhausting work some days having both of them; 1yo still needs carrying and can’t communicate with words yet so lots of shouting, 3.5 yo is a mix of absolutely brilliant and absolutely hideous depending on the hour, I’m still exhausted from being up in the night every night with baby and early starts …. I truly love being a mum but OMG I need a break to be any good at it. I also understand the feeling of a partner being so late home which adds another layer of difficulty to the day. So although I wish I was that absolutely amazing supermum who can spend every minute of every day with both children, I’ve had to be honest with myself and have realised I’m not, and everyone in the family is happier when I’m not a terrible snappy stressed out mess. Long post sorry but, I’m your shoes I’d keep older one in nursery - you don’t HAVE to actually send them to every session remember, if you want some extra days with both together. Good luck whenever you decide to do x

I am not claiming that anyone needs to be supermum and op does need a break. But why isn't she getting it say the weekends etc? Sounds to me like op is jot being supported.
I can't imagine dreading the summer holidays in November. To me that's more than just day to day exhaustion from children.

Apologies for my concern. I didn’t realise you only wanted people to agree with you. There are thousands in your position, being a mother means you don’t get that break, maybe you should have considered that before having another one.

My son has addional needs. He's 4 and can only cope with 12 hours of childcare a week. No childcare at all in school holidays.
I work, from home full time. (Go figure that one! ) I'm often tapping away at my laptop with mum mum mum in the background.

Other than his 12 hours of nursery school a week were are together 24/7. No family support whatsoever .

It's incredibly hard, relentless and exhausting.
But I do think that's the reality of being a mum unfortunately

@Itsmychristmasdress im not, I’ve already explained that I need to think ahead because I need to think about my hours for next year.

If people had said you know what, he’ll be much more grown up, you’ll be fine, that’s one thing. But that isn’t the prevailing opinion.

@Chichimcgee it isn’t about wanting people to agree with me, but telling me how sad I am and how I need to see my GP because having a child or children 24/7 is a bit exhausting and having a bit of a break in between days of having two at once helps me - that isn’t helpful to anyone.

@Coffeelotsofcoffee my sympathies as that does sound really hard, but are you saying that I should make my own life as hard as possible because yours is?

She isn't a single parent, of course she should be getting a break.

To try to answer your original question - 3.5 plus a one year old is pretty hard. My eldest has always been quite full-on and 3.5 was a very rough time for us. I've found that since she was 4 (and little brother end of 1/turning 2) things have become more sustainable and I even get a few moments to myself when I have them both, but when they were both younger days without backup were just hard work. There's no shame in that at all.

If I were you I'd look into splitting his placement if you can, half the week at the year round nursery and half at the preschool.

Early days with two is hard. Toddler plus tiny baby is hard. It's ok and totally normal to experience it as hard!

I’m not a single parent but I don’t see much or DH during the week, he’s out before we’re properly up and comes back when DS is in bed. At the weekends we do things together which is nice but I don’t get a break and it isn’t so much that I want one but when I just get to focus on one child life is so much easier! I’m not sure why that’s proved such a controversial point but clearly it has.

Thank you @BlarghReally . I think we soon forget - my baby is actually quite an easy baby but even easy babies are a lot of work!

Make sure you are getting a break at the weekend so DH gives you a lie in and/or takes them both out for a few hours. Family time is important but so is time to recharge your batteries.

Op I think some people just love to stick the boot in.

It's funny, there was another thread running in the past few days from a woman wondering whether to keep her dc1 in nursery/increase their hours when dc2 came along, and so many people shared how tough they had found juggling two.

And on social media you frequently see people wishing the summer holiday away with much older children... Because having them for six weeks straight is a lot!

I adore my DC and we have a lovely relationship. But I found those days with a baby and a young child so full and draining

He is pretty good to be fair, just he’s at work so much in the week. He’s taking Tuesday afternoon off and it feels like a mini holiday!