To be worried about five days a week with 3 year old? And what’s your 3 year old like?

[Whatimconsidering]

I am considering changing from a private day nursery (3 days a week) to a preschool for my nearly 3 yo, but the preschool isn’t open in school holidays. For the shorter ones I think I could manage but the long six week one without a break scares me a bit I must admit.

However by the time it rolls round he’ll be 3 and a half. I’m wondering if by then he might be a bit easier. What are your 3 and a half year olds like?

@Whatimconsidering - I mean it makes sense now that baby is small that toddler gets time to run about at nursery as your 6 week old won’t be interested in going anywhere really so you can stay home and rest if needed. But next summer with 1 and 3 year old you will probably be going out to places child friendly with 1 year old, so it wouldn’t be that different taking both?

My 3 year old now needs taking to park or out in garden or us getting playdough out or baking cookies, but if I had 1 year old they would be doing similar activities anyway. Compared to a 2.5 year old now and 6 week old who are at very different play levels

That’s exactly what I was asking though @Caspianberg ! I was wondering if better because both a bit older or worse because both a bit older

A solid routine and planned days out are key. Some people can just go with the flow but I personally need to know what’s happening next so if it all goes sideways there’s an end or a change of scenery in sight. All five of mine are with me all of the time so I’ve had some time for trial and error.

Hi OP. I have a 3.5 year old who also does 3 days at a private nursery. I was considering the same as you, whether to put them into a term time pre-school but have decided against it. I'm due with DC2 soon so will have two come next year. Mine is absolutely lovely but hard work! I totally get your worries about the 6 week holidays. I also have a health condition which causes extreme exhaustion so I really wouldn't be able to manage it. They are extremely sociable and need a lot of mental stimulation. Super fun to be around but in all honestly, it absolutely drains me and I count down to bedtime on our home days, in all honesty. Getting out helps and also don't have a huge amount of family help but on the days I drop off for a few hrs, it makes it easier. I've been considering changing the nursery days as I'll be on maternity leave so reducing it to half days instead of the full days so more time at home but a daily break for me on those 3 days. Also will help financially.

You probably don’t want my advice though, because I didn’t think 3.5 was that bad. But good luck!

i don’t want your advice because you’ve shown yourself to be extremely spiteful.

@dullandgrey thank you - this is the problem with goady spite, you miss helpful posts. I’m considering going back to work for two days and maybe having a 2/2 split with preschool and nursery. He is lovely but as you say it’s hard work and I don’t know if the baby getting older will help - might be more likely to have two running in opposite directions!

@Whatimconsidering - do you have the option of hiring extra help instead during summer?
That way he could do preschool which is probably cheaper, you have him off for the shorter 1-2 holidays, and hire a summer part time nanny for the 6 weeks?

Nanny advantage is that they would help with both children and household bits child related like kid’s laundry for the 6 weeks. Could just get nanny full days a week, and gives option of going places all
together with nanny as extra set of hands or nanny watching one child a few hours or both

It's all hard but it sounds like you're lacking in confidence. A baby and pre schooler is hard. But so are all of the other stages unfortunately in my experience with two. Baby will get older and get their own opinions, then DC clash. I'd suggest getting into a routine of looking after both together. The less time they spend together with you, the more they will play up for you as it will become a novelty. You need to address the problem head on and find your confidence before you end up with a situation where getting them both to school is too hard, the after school routine is too hard ect ect. Could your DH take a week off in the middle to break it up?

You are VERY strange!

OP I don’t know why you’re being attacked. Some people love spending all their time with their kids for 6 weeks but for others (most in my experience) it can be relentless and very hard work when they are very young. Not everyone has children to spend 12 hours a day with irrational toddlers, for some it’s just a stage you have to get through.

I found the summer holidays really hard for a few years after I had my second, even though I worked 3 days a week most weeks and they were looked after by grandparents. The thing that helped most was play dates - you can have adult conversation and the kids just get on with it. The advantage of starting a pre-school is that all of your child’s friends will also be at a loose end for 6 weeks so there will be plenty of opportunity for this if you’re proactive to arrange it. We also got 6 week passes for soft play which helped a lot so we could get out every day without spending much.

hope this helps, ignore the goady posts, there’s nothing wrong with finding it hard.

I came back to this thread…. And found some absolute arseholes on it.

OP, I’m sorry some people enjoy making others feel shit. It says far more about them than you.

I think this is really sad 😞

You mention a husband, where is he in all of this?

Tbh I find the nastiness and lack of empathy for the OP really sad.

I do think if people lack basic understanding, insight and compassion to the extent some of these PP do they should perhaps refrain from trying to give other people parenting advice.

OP - I totally get you. I would keep him in nursery personally. Although if you go for it it probably won't be as bad as you think. These things get built up in your head. It will probably be exhausting but not awful. A nice mix of planned days out and playdates to help the time pass and keep you social, and relaxing go-with-the-flow days where little one gets some telly time and learns how to cope with boredom x

Not sure why you're getting such a hard time @Whatimconsidering, there's no denying that 2 at a time is really, really hard sometimes. It goes without saying that I love my two to pieces but absolutely I would put the older one into childcare if I had the option, it's so easy to burn out! The summer holidays just gone I had a 12 month old and nearly 3 year old at home full time and it was a longgg 6 weeks, especially since mums and tots etc shuts down for the summer, younger one determined to throw themselves off playground equipment whilst older one still needs a bit of help, younger one much slower toddling around than older but not happy to just sit in buggy etc etc. It's hard work and I'm dubious of anyone who says it isn't!

Husband generally at work.

Is it sad? I’m asking that in a musing sort of way, not a twatty one. On the one hand, I know what that poster means. I want to adore spending every second with my adorable kids and some people do. I want to be exploring the National trust gardens, excitedly working our way through 99 things to do before you’re 12 (or whatever it’s called) and baking and so on.

And we do. But after one day of it, I need a day to recover. (Bearing in mind on my ‘recovery’ day I still have a baby, I’ve still had a disturbed night.)

Is that sad? I hope not as I chose his nursery carefully but I do worry that it is, that he feels rejected, would rather be at home.

@HenrysHome it’s those conflicting needs I find hard. The worst is when the baby is screaming and I’m cooking dinner one handed while DS sits largely ignored in front of Bing

I don't have a 3 year old yet, he is 1 next month but I just don't see why you'd want to make things more difficult for yourself. I wouldn't want to spend 24/7 with my child for 6 weeks either, it's completely normal to not want to spend every single second with your child and it's also completely normal and human to want a break from your child too.

Stick with nursery and I'd also say to stick with your job. I don't think you'd be a happy SAHM and I say that without judgement, I'd be a miserable SAHM. It isn't for everyone and that's absolutely fine.

@Whatimconsidering I was having this conversation with a friend recently (who has 3 under 3) and she so helpfully pointed out that those moments where their needs are so different help to teach them about thinking about others, the world doesn't revolve around them, patience waiting for things etc. Helps me to feel a bit better when they're both howling!

I love the whole "national trust" thing too and sounds like your DC will have a lovely mix of lovely days with you (for them anyway!!) and a lovely time in nursery learning loads of new skills. I often think I'd be a much better mum with one/both of them in childcare for a bit because you need time away from them to really appreciate them in my opinion!

I don't know op. But if you need a day to recover after looking after your child for a day. I think something is not right. I don't mean that in a nasty way but I don't think that's how it's meant to be. Either you are getting zero support from your husband and are burnt out or there is something more going on with you. Baring in mind you have a young baby I would seek help from a gp for help with PND. I day that as someone who suffers from mental health issues and I am genuinely not trying to be horrible. I also have three children 2 with asd. So I do know how hard it is. But I never dread summer holidays to this extent.

Wow, some people really like to shit on a mum having a hard time and asking a genuine question, with lots of 'how dare you not adore every moment you spend with your adorable children'

It's this kind of attitude that really fucks with you if you're feeling vulnerable. I have a fourteen month old who I adore - he's the most wonderful curious little boy I've ever met, however I also love that he goes to nursery three days a week so I can work, and DP has him one weekend morning. It means the time we do have is more special. I hate the attitude that you have to live every moment and just want to be with your children, it's utter poison.

I'd keep him in the private nursery if he enjoys it op. It's best for all of you and you can plan nice things the days he is home.

Is it not an option at all @HenrysHome ? Sorry if you’ve already considered it, I know it’s annoying when people ask questions that you must have thought of the answer to.

Re SAHM - we / I are very much weighing up various options. Certainly though work isn’t a ‘break’ - it’s a change which can be as good as a rest I suppose. The problem is my work isn’t flexible at all and we do need s bit of flexibility so that does make life quite tricky at times. When I go back, if I do, the baby will actually be 13 months. So only a year before she can do a couple of sessions at the preschool which will give me a much-needed break!

OTOH if I keep things as they are then over the long holiday I can have a day with just DS, a day with just the baby - and a glorious wonderful day for ME!

My third option - and the one I’m leaning most towards - is to reduce my hours to a two day week and keep DS in the private nursery for two days and two days at preschool during term time. This still gives me three days a week with him in the holidays and that’s one more than at the moment but doable over six weeks. I also find nurseries can be quiet over the summer so can see about getting him or the baby in for an extra session to allow me some quality time with the other one.

@Itsmychristmasdress its not ‘looking after my child for a day’ that I need to recover from though and I do think that’s purposefully disingenuous and misunderstanding to the point where it does look as if you want to argue.

I have a young baby. I am up in the night, then my day starts early as DH leaves early, then I have two very young children alone all day and well into the evening. I don’t have PND and even if I did, I’m not sure that making life as hard as possible for myself would be helpful as a recovery aid!

Going to a cool park and playing/having sandwich.

Membership to NT or similar places.

He can have a bike by then so cycling jn the park

Soft play/role play places are good

Meeting up with friends. School mums often like to meet up

Going to supermarket

Staying with relatives.

Put a tent jn the garden

Going to the cinema