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Original poster

To think that most women don't even have high body counts?

648 replies

etchedowl · 03/11/2023 13:08

I read this article in the guardian this morning https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/03/when-andrew-tate-and-the-online-manboys-obsess-over-a-bodycount-girls-you-know-what-to-do which is a reaction to the current misogynistic male obsession with a woman's body count i.e. how many men she has slept with. Firstly I agree with the article that it is a totally misogynistic trope and not to be tolerated. But Secondly I wonder to myself, who are all these women with large "body counts"?

Most women I know like myself (now in my early 30's) would have dated and had boyfriend in their teens which mostly they did not have sex with then maybe a boyfriend or two they did sleep with before finally meeting the man they are now married to at some point during university or early 20's.

Most women I know were not out clubbing every week, meeting and sleeping with different men every week or month as the paranoid fantasies of these incel men say but were more likely to be tucked up at home with their long term boyfriends and husbands having a nice meal and watching box sets or even playing scrabble. Even the single women I still know will mostly socialise together at home with going out being the odd time rather than it being a bit never ending smorgasbord of hot men and sex!

Do any of these men actually know any women or do they just believe the absolute drivel they read online by shady men who are ultimately trying to sell them a product by capitalising their insecurity and paranoia?

Please note if there are women out their having a whale of a time having tons of sex then more power to them absolutely no judgement from me. The point of my post it that it seems in no way to me the norm for most women.

When Andrew Tate and the online manboys obsess over a ‘bodycount’, girls, you know what to do | Van Badham

Tate’s comments that he rejects women who have slept with more than three men betrays a screaming admission of insecurity and immaturity

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/03/when-andrew-tate-and-the-online-manboys-obsess-over-a-bodycount-girls-you-know-what-to-do

OP posts:
Original poster
etchedowl · 03/11/2023 14:40

SwingTheMonkey · 03/11/2023 14:37

@etchedowl I can’t work out why you’re so desperate to prove this article wrong - even in the face of many women telling you it’s quite accurate. It certainly come across rather like you think there’s something wrong with a woman having a large number of sexual partners, despite your protestations to the contrary.

But again the women on here are perhaps no more representative then my experience, even if you take the two surveys mention which puts UK women's sexual partners at 3 and 7 respectively then neither of them would be "high" numbers so I expect women with 10's of sexual partners are outliers rather than the norm.

OP posts:
Dogdaywoes · 03/11/2023 14:40

I lost my virginity at 18 and started dating DH at 23. I had a very, very busy 5 years 😂

So yeah, I'm on of the high body count women. And the fact it puts some men off is an additional bonus to all the fun I had.

Torganer · 03/11/2023 14:40

etchedowl · 03/11/2023 14:35

Its still a useful stat though and it does rather back up my experience.

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How is it useful? The sample size is tiny, over a third didn’t answer and people were self selected. Statistically it is meaningless. It’s like me interviewing my friend group and stating nobody owns a dog based on my findings!

SausagesAreAmazing · 03/11/2023 14:41

I'm mid 50s, lost count some time in the 90s. Absolutely no regrets and don't give a toss what anyone thinks.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 03/11/2023 14:41

lightpineapple · 03/11/2023 14:34

Which is why I didn't say "this is mine and my social circles experience, and I don't understand why others would differ" 😅

I had a little look and it's a survey of just ~4000 self selected people, and of these 38% (!) did not answer (either did not want to or couldn't remember)

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I would be interested to know what the survey takers qualified as sex / counted as a relevant sexual encounter.

would that be any kind of physical contact with an other person’s genitals?
would they therefore count oral sex? Would that depend on whether it was given, received or both?
Or would the question of whether certain acts were counted as “proper sex (in the context of this survey) by most participants depend on whether the participants were of the same or the opposite sex?

SurprisedWithAHorse · 03/11/2023 14:41

etchedowl · 03/11/2023 14:38

I find this so weird though like I am living in a parallel universe because everyone I know did seem to meet and stay with their significant other from a very young age in my family, amongst my university friends. In my world people never seem to break up or get divorced. I met my DH at 18.

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Very, very few of us realise how many different circles, ways of life and experiences there are outside of our own. We all think we have extremely diverse and representative circles but it's actually almost impossible to do that.

Dogdaywoes · 03/11/2023 14:41

And I have the highest by far of any woman I know (and most men).

SoRainbowRhythms · 03/11/2023 14:41

etchedowl · 03/11/2023 14:40

But again the women on here are perhaps no more representative then my experience, even if you take the two surveys mention which puts UK women's sexual partners at 3 and 7 respectively then neither of them would be "high" numbers so I expect women with 10's of sexual partners are outliers rather than the norm.

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The majority of people on this thread have disagreed with you. But you refuse to believe that you might be in the minority. It's baffling.

Cosywintertime · 03/11/2023 14:41

etchedowl · 03/11/2023 14:38

I find this so weird though like I am living in a parallel universe because everyone I know did seem to meet and stay with their significant other from a very young age in my family, amongst my university friends. In my world people never seem to break up or get divorced. I met my DH at 18.

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Is it Amish? Or Jehovah’s Witness? I don’t know of any place where people marry young and don’t do divorce. 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. I’m so curious where you live, the sort of community?

HunterBidensBurnerPhone · 03/11/2023 14:42

WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive · 03/11/2023 14:07

@TimeForTeaAndG

Personally, I'm not in the below 3 camp and it annoys me that it matters. But when I've spoken to other men about it, I can see the logic behind it.

In a nutshell, it has been explained to me something along the lines of this; Mens basic instinctual desire is to find a 'good' person to raise a family with and remain loyal to them. Men have no guarantee of paternity so tend to like non promiscuous women. To add to that, the more men a women has slept with, the higher the odds of poor marital satisfaction from the women so given women initiate divorce 75% of the time and tend to take the children and half the assets, men feel the need to increase the odds of a lasting partnership and proven paternity by choosing women who have slept with less men.

Obviously that is all very transactional but the men I've spoke to say it's more of a check list at the beginning of the relationship when vetting, like when women want to be with men that earn a certain amount or wants to buy a house and is responsible with money as this shows they can provide security, Thus, good option for raising a family.

Edited

So men want a woman with a low body count so that they can be sure any kid she has is theirs and her inexperience means she won't notice if he's shit in bed?

That's just another way of saying that men want a women with a low body count because they're scared they're inadequate.

Fionaville · 03/11/2023 14:42

I don't even know mine. At a guess it's more than 12 but less than 20. All but one before I was 25. Ive been with the same man for 20+ years. I could probably sit and work out the exact number, but there's no point looking back at any past regrets.
I don't think I'm unusual. Of the women I know, I'd say 25% would have a similar number. 50% less than 10 and 25% less than 3. This isn't scientific 😆 Just what I'd gather from conversations I've had with friends over the years.

The point is though, my DH never asked me. He knew I'd had a few boyfriends and a few one night stands from conversations we've had. Real men don't care.

jolies1 · 03/11/2023 14:42

etchedowl · 03/11/2023 14:38

I find this so weird though like I am living in a parallel universe because everyone I know did seem to meet and stay with their significant other from a very young age in my family, amongst my university friends. In my world people never seem to break up or get divorced. I met my DH at 18.

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It just sounds like your social group is similar to yourself which is pretty normal! You were all settling down and playing scrabble in your early 20’s, while many of the rest of us were travelling / clubbing / dating.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 03/11/2023 14:43

etchedowl · 03/11/2023 14:38

I find this so weird though like I am living in a parallel universe because everyone I know did seem to meet and stay with their significant other from a very young age in my family, amongst my university friends. In my world people never seem to break up or get divorced. I met my DH at 18.

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I know someone like you, with a group of friends like you. All very naice, mild people, with a twee nickname for the "girls group" etc. I think you cling together cos you'd never let a shagabout into the clan, which is why you don't get the inside scoop on promiscuity.

I dare say some of you wish you'd been a bit more adventurous.

WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive · 03/11/2023 14:43

@MissBeevor

well, I can't really tell a man they don't think what they think. I don't like the explanation and I have been happily married for a number of years (I think) and slept with more than 3 men.

I was more replying to the people who said why does it matter, not whether it was misogynistic or not. That's a whole different topic.

LickChit · 03/11/2023 14:44

The whole concept of men being interested in how many other men their girlfriend has slept with is CRINGEY AS HELL. Misogynistic, yes, but also incredibly juvenile and a sign of insecurity. Just pathetic.

I have never, ever talked about this with a man. And I can tell you, I have slept with far more than 10 people, as have the vast majority of my good female friends.

WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive · 03/11/2023 14:44

@MissBeevor

well, I can't really tell a man they don't think what they think. I don't like the explanation and I have been happily married for a number of years (I think) and slept with more than 3 men.

I was more replying to the people who said why does it matter, not whether it was misogynistic or not. That's a whole different topic.

SoRainbowRhythms · 03/11/2023 14:45

LickChit · 03/11/2023 14:44

The whole concept of men being interested in how many other men their girlfriend has slept with is CRINGEY AS HELL. Misogynistic, yes, but also incredibly juvenile and a sign of insecurity. Just pathetic.

I have never, ever talked about this with a man. And I can tell you, I have slept with far more than 10 people, as have the vast majority of my good female friends.

Agreed. I've never had this conversation in any relationship I've been in, and I've been married twice.

HunterBidensBurnerPhone · 03/11/2023 14:45

But again that Yougov survey says the average number of sexual partners for a woman is only 3

Lolololololol. Bless Yougov for being so gullible.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/11/2023 14:45

You do you OP but in my 20s I was out clubbing and having a good time. Yes, I might’ve slept with the odd man on a ONS that I regretted but no more than usual. In fact my teenage and early 20 years apart from being engaged at 20s I had very few sexual partners.

Why on earth should it matter to Andrew Tate or to anyone else for that matter how many women have had sex is beyond me.

Original poster
etchedowl · 03/11/2023 14:45

Cosywintertime · 03/11/2023 14:36

Honestly op, you’re coming across almost Amish. 😂 I don’t recognise your view of women in their twenties and thirties, I was good double digits before I married as were most of my friends. We all had tons of boyfriends, the odd one night stand, some short relationships, some longet ones, and a whale of a time before settling down.

The women who had two or three serious boyfriends then married were the type who didn’t go out much, were just looking to get married and were introverted , shy, religious, didn’t have many friends and stayed local to their parents etc. and I’m knocking on 50.

I admit I am introverted but I have done wild things in my time believe me. I am not shy though or especially religious I have lived on my own abroad, lived in London while studying for my Masters. I have a successful career, I'm not into pubs and clubs but neither am I a meek sort hiding under my mothers petticoat.

OP posts:
SwingTheMonkey · 03/11/2023 14:45

@etchedowl again, why are you so desperate to refute the data in the article?

CanIPetThatDawg · 03/11/2023 14:46

etchedowl · 03/11/2023 14:21

But overall I don't think most women have a "high body count" whatever the hell that actually is. Most women probably have a 2 or 3 long term boyfriends at most before getting married surely?

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you come across as so very sheltered

jolies1 · 03/11/2023 14:47

All I know OP is that when I’m in my 90’s in my care home, I will look back fondly upon my loving happy years with my husband but also will be glad to reminisce on the years I was young, single and having a lot of fun

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/11/2023 14:47

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 03/11/2023 14:43

I know someone like you, with a group of friends like you. All very naice, mild people, with a twee nickname for the "girls group" etc. I think you cling together cos you'd never let a shagabout into the clan, which is why you don't get the inside scoop on promiscuity.

I dare say some of you wish you'd been a bit more adventurous.

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I went clubbing with women who were similar to this (and men too) and me and my best friend who were more promiscuous certainly got the odd well meaning comments and “set ups” with nice men, when I really couldn’t have been less interested.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/11/2023 14:47

On the point of self-reporting @etchedowl and anyone else who has mentioned it - let's not also forget that women are shamed with the lock and key analogies, and with the "double the number she says she's slept with for the true number" (and half the number for the men), not to mention peer or perceived peer pressure from your relative 'world'. Also that men (and a lot of women) don't seem to realise that 'promiscuous' and 'monogamous' are not direct opposites.

The whole conversation is just so boring. Genuinely, why do people even care, unless it's a pondering of 'I've had so many sexual encounters but I'm still not in a happy relationship' type thing?