To think that most women don't even have high body counts?

[etchedowl]

I read this article in the guardian this morning https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/03/when-andrew-tate-and-the-online-manboys-obsess-over-a-bodycount-girls-you-know-what-to-do which is a reaction to the current misogynistic male obsession with a woman's body count i.e. how many men she has slept with. Firstly I agree with the article that it is a totally misogynistic trope and not to be tolerated. But Secondly I wonder to myself, who are all these women with large "body counts"?

Most women I know like myself (now in my early 30's) would have dated and had boyfriend in their teens which mostly they did not have sex with then maybe a boyfriend or two they did sleep with before finally meeting the man they are now married to at some point during university or early 20's.

Most women I know were not out clubbing every week, meeting and sleeping with different men every week or month as the paranoid fantasies of these incel men say but were more likely to be tucked up at home with their long term boyfriends and husbands having a nice meal and watching box sets or even playing scrabble. Even the single women I still know will mostly socialise together at home with going out being the odd time rather than it being a bit never ending smorgasbord of hot men and sex!

Do any of these men actually know any women or do they just believe the absolute drivel they read online by shady men who are ultimately trying to sell them a product by capitalising their insecurity and paranoia?

Please note if there are women out their having a whale of a time having tons of sex then more power to them absolutely no judgement from me. The point of my post it that it seems in no way to me the norm for most women.

This is one of the most depressing instances of internalised misogyny I’ve read on here, which is saying something. Well done on letting someone mansplain your own sexual options to you. Did you point out it doesn’t make the slightest smidgen of sense or did you just nod gratefully when all these mysterious men gravely explained to you that marriage involved trading your low number of sexual partners for their big bank balance?

Depend on the length of the relationships tbh, a 50 year old woman how has the first sexual experience at 25 and a relationship every two years will have 12 sexual partners at 50 and that looks absolutely ok to me.
Number of sexual encounters could be lower for that person that from one that is being only in two long term relationship but the amount of sexual partners will differ and be higher in this case.

I honestly think that you can achieve a decent two digit number of sexual partners without the need of ONS, orgies, cheating etc.

Imagine a single woman between two long term relationship being single for two years that had two romances each year, that is another four to add. And who doesn't like a good romance?

You don't have to have a livido over the roof to get up to ten. All that counting is just rubbish.

And also, the accuracy on the answers. This is a question that tends to be lied about, even in anonymous surveys.

But yes, as someone who fills in YouGov polls, we tend to be people who are sat on the sofa on a Friday night and therefore have time to fill in YouGov polls, rather than doing anything more "energetic" ;)

I've seen surveys which suggest 13 before settling down is more typical.

Women saying how many partners they've had is a subject that's still somewhat taboo, so I do wonder about how honest they are to everyone.

Which is why I didn't say "this is mine and my social circles experience, and I don't understand why others would differ" 😅

I had a little look and it's a survey of just ~4000 self selected people, and of these 38% (!) did not answer (either did not want to or couldn't remember)

My concern would only be about STDs but other than that I suppose it shouldn't matter except it might impact on general compatibility, i.e. I seem to be pretty sheltered compared to lots of women on here so probably better suited to my equally sheltered husband!

Hate that term "body count".

Most women I know well enough to discuss this with of my age - early thirties - have slept with at least 10 people (and a fair number with a lot more).

I think your experience - of people either staying with their first partner or meeting someone else soon after and marrying them - is quite unusual. Almost everyone I know had a first big-ish relationship or two some time between the ages of 16-22, was single/seeing people/in a 'sowing their wild oats' phase for a few years, and then met someone later in their twenties who they eventually married/stayed with longer term. I guess different groups of friends are different!

We should all be thinking about the quality of our body counts if you ask me, not how many or how few.

Its still a useful stat though and it does rather back up my experience.

Don't yougov only survey people who have signed up to be surveyed? I'm not sure why their statistics are being taken as gospel on anything.

As a lot of people have said on here, a lot of women have had a lot of sex. And a lot of us know a lot of people who have had a lot of sex. In my immediate circle, I'm on somewhere between 20-30. My bestie I'd hazard is around 20 but I've no idea. My dating work colleague must be 50ish. Another friend is on 2. Another under 10 but more than 3. Clubbing friends from my youth were easily on 30-40+ in their mid 20s. Lots of students I doubt are keeping a tally.

You seem to want to be sure that you're right and we're all "like you", but we aren't.

If I hadn't met DH, then I'd be probably be at 100 by now. Sometimes I yearn for those care free days.

Yes but this is an average so includes people of older generations, eg my parents who married at 20, people who are still quite young, people who wait until marriage to have sex because of cultural or religious beliefs, which will impact the numbers. If you polled only the 25-45 age range you might get a different average, as many of us who entered adulthood in the 90’s/00’s had a more open view of sex and easier ways of meeting sexual partners. I met my partner at 34, he’s a couple of years older. I know his relationship history but have no interest in the people he may or may not have slept with 18 years ago at uni or in his 20’s and he seems to feel the same!

Married 20 years, H and I have never even asked each other this.

I did only have a couple of other long term boyfriends. Quite a lot more short term ones though, where boyfriend would be overstating the duration of the interaction and their importance in my life.

I don't actually know my body count (horrid phrase that). What I can say is that I worked hard to raise the national average above 3!

Honestly op, you’re coming across almost Amish. 😂 I don’t recognise your view of women in their twenties and thirties, I was good double digits before I married as were most of my friends. We all had tons of boyfriends, the odd one night stand, some short relationships, some longet ones, and a whale of a time before settling down.

The women who had two or three serious boyfriends then married were the type who didn’t go out much, were just looking to get married and were introverted , shy, religious, didn’t have many friends and stayed local to their parents etc. and I’m knocking on 50.

And that is exactly why such men are not “husband material”.

(Or to put it more clearly, should not be in adult relationships and certainly should not be marrying (I.e. forcing some poor inexperienced young girl to be chained to them for life) until they have got over their misogyny/fear of failure and learned that women are not possessions that can be devalued, but equal partners with life experiences, just as they have.)

@etchedowl I can’t work out why you’re so desperate to prove this article wrong - even in the face of many women telling you it’s quite accurate. It certainly come across rather like you think there’s something wrong with a woman having a large number of sexual partners, despite your protestations to the contrary.

This one suggests the average for women is 7, and 6.4 for men. It's a hard thing to get an accurate answer on because you're relying on people self reporting rather than any hard data.

https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/whats-your-number/#:~:text=Next%2C%20we%20dug%20deeper%20on,lifetimes%2C%20while%20men%20averaged%206.4.

I find this so weird though like I am living in a parallel universe because everyone I know did seem to meet and stay with their significant other from a very young age in my family, amongst my university friends. In my world people never seem to break up or get divorced. I met my DH at 18.

Well no not really it’s an average of those who are the type to respond to these surveys. From the elderly, to the religious, to the young married, to those who struggle to find a partner.

Do you live in the uk? Or from a very religious background, or a small community you never left ?

I just don't know where these incel men get their stats from.

They get them from that bell end Tate who makes them up to suit his deeply unpleasant, money-spinning agenda.

"never ending smorgasbord of hot men and sex!"

To be honest, this does describe the late nineties/early 2000's for me.

Lots of fun, although the truly mind blowing shaggers could be counted on one hand...

I really hate the expression “body count”. It sounds - intentionally I’m sure - makes me think of murders.

I couldn’t care less how many people anyone had slept with. I think people who imagine it has anything changes about a person as a result (except perhaps getting better at sex!) are being ridiculous.

Do you understand how averages work?

Do you understand that your own network is far too small to be representative of the wider population, and your experience does not always equal fact?

I have a vile body count by AT standards and so does every adult woman of my acquaintance except my MIL and my Aunts who are in their 70s.