To think that most women don't even have high body counts?

[etchedowl]

I read this article in the guardian this morning https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/03/when-andrew-tate-and-the-online-manboys-obsess-over-a-bodycount-girls-you-know-what-to-do which is a reaction to the current misogynistic male obsession with a woman's body count i.e. how many men she has slept with. Firstly I agree with the article that it is a totally misogynistic trope and not to be tolerated. But Secondly I wonder to myself, who are all these women with large "body counts"?

Most women I know like myself (now in my early 30's) would have dated and had boyfriend in their teens which mostly they did not have sex with then maybe a boyfriend or two they did sleep with before finally meeting the man they are now married to at some point during university or early 20's.

Most women I know were not out clubbing every week, meeting and sleeping with different men every week or month as the paranoid fantasies of these incel men say but were more likely to be tucked up at home with their long term boyfriends and husbands having a nice meal and watching box sets or even playing scrabble. Even the single women I still know will mostly socialise together at home with going out being the odd time rather than it being a bit never ending smorgasbord of hot men and sex!

Do any of these men actually know any women or do they just believe the absolute drivel they read online by shady men who are ultimately trying to sell them a product by capitalising their insecurity and paranoia?

Please note if there are women out their having a whale of a time having tons of sex then more power to them absolutely no judgement from me. The point of my post it that it seems in no way to me the norm for most women.

From your original post:
Most women I know were not out clubbing every week, meeting and sleeping with different men every week or month as the paranoid fantasies of these incel men say but were more likely to be tucked up at home with their long term boyfriends and husbands having a nice meal and watching box sets or even playing scrabble.
See what I mean?

Most women I know like myself (now in my early 30's) would have dated and had boyfriend in their teens which mostly they did not have sex with then maybe a boyfriend or two they did sleep with before finally meeting the man they are now married to at some point during university or early 20's. Most women I know were not out clubbing every week, meeting and sleeping with different men every week or month as the paranoid fantasies of these incel men say but were more likely to be tucked up at home with their long term boyfriends and husbands having a nice meal and watching box sets or even playing scrabble. Even the single women I still know will mostly socialise together at home with going out being the odd time rather than it being a bit never ending smorgasbord of hot men and sex!

Yup this is me, all my friends and pretty much everyone i know. I knew an odd girl who had lot of one night stands in our early twenties, she had a lot of issues with self esteem.

Yes its bizarre, I am quite able to accept that people who have dated lots different people have had experiences I haven't and that they have grown from that but equally there is room for personal growth and development not to mention adventure in a long term relationship. Its like some people think that when you commit to someone its some kind of death! If that is how they feel about a safe, happy relationship then I find that sad really.

I’m not saying you have led a sheltered existence, more your view is a bit naive when you say ‘most of my friends didn’t sleep with their teenage boyfriends (all of mine did) and then had 2 or 3 boyfriends before settling down.

That’s just not my experience at all, but maybe age comes in to it. I was a teenager in the 90s and there was a very sexualised, ladette culture. I remember being in the Girl Guides and everyone reading More magazine’s position of the week when we were supposed to be making pom-poms. There was a big drinking culture with the introduction of alcopops and the whole Girl Power thing. Pretty much everyone in sixth form finished their A Levels and went to the likes of Zante, Kavos, Magaluf etc and got up to all sorts. They were just normal nice girls and boys, having the time of their lives and all have settled down to have decent careers and families. I’m in my early forties now and many friends are divorced and dating again and their ‘body count’ (hideous term) is still rising. Some of your friends will have sexual partners behind their husbands back, some will knock a few notches off their bedposts when having these types of conversations. And if you don’t believe that, that’s what makes you a bit sheltered.

Most of my friends are single or divorced, some on 2nd marriages. I do agree that a lot of people do get divorced by the time they are 40 so may then sleep with more people. I got married at 21, I had slept with 4 people before dh so he was number 5. I got divorced when I was 32 and have been single since (now early 40’s). I’ve never hooked up with anyone at a night club, clubbing wasn’t really my thing. I have a high ‘body count’ but most were after I turned 34/35 😬. I don’t think it really matters if you’ve slept with one person or 50 people, if you married the first person you slept with then great but things could change as you get older. I only really have one friend who has only slept with one person (the person they married) and they are male.

Me too !

I was young in the 1970s. I've never even bothered to count.

My one night stands in my mid 20s actually boosted my self esteem.

I’d met a couple of awful men before, who, as they sometimes do, use you for sex, or try to. When I went clubbing I actually sometimes went home with or brought home men, who were expecting sex, and all my clothes mostly stayed on and we didn’t have sex. But I could make that choice. Very liberating.

I have one friend in her late 30s who's still a virgin but I also have a friend who's 23 and she's up to 25 (body count) and friends with everything in between. I don't think a persons body count means or shows anything.. I would never judge anyone based on theirs and from what I've seen men who do are generally insecure and believe his partner should be a virgin before him and his misadventures. Why are men never judged on their body count?

You say you’re not judging OP but the whole tone of your post seems to imply women who have ‘large body counts’ or those who did not follow the same path as you are ‘other’ or different, because you do not know anyone like that.
You may not have intended this to come across as judgemental but it does, which is why you’re getting backlash.
People live different lives, just because you don’t personally have experience of something doesn’t mean it’s not the norm in other people’s lives.

OP, it sounds like you live in the 1950s to me and your experience in no way resonates. I met DP at 35, and had to kiss a lot of frogs. But counting numbers is very juvenile in any event and says little about the people concerned or their motivations.

Absolutely !!

It's called prude shaming and it's pretty common on here.

"That’s just not my experience at all, but maybe age comes in to it. I was a teenager in the 90s and there was a very sexualised, ladette culture. I remember being in the Girl Guides and everyone reading More magazine’s position of the week when we were supposed to be making pom-poms. There was a big drinking culture with the introduction of alcopops and the whole Girl Power thing. "

I was also a teenager in the 90s and it wasn't like that for my friends. The ladette culture was mass media, not necessarily real life. I read More magazine (hidden from parents) but didn't use it as a life manual. I'm not sure the drinking culture of the 90s was any stronger than the 80s and 70s. In the early 90s it was cider before alcopops so I'm sure they had drinks that teenagers liked in earlier times. The one thing that changed was women starting to drink pints rather than more 'feminine' drinks like sherries or halves.

You exaggerate.

0 seconds

Prick

Agree with everything you said apart from meeting husband at University or early 20's good Lord that's a bit of a reach.

Are you calling me a prick, or Tate a prick? 😆

Early thirties. What is high? I'm much much higher than DH. I wouldn't say I have a massive body count but definitely higher than most women I know.

@coldcallerbaiter I know right?
If men have an average count of 5
And women have an average count of 3

WHO ARE THE MEN SHAGGING?!

If more men were shagging fewer women, surely that would make the women’s counts higher?!

Maths was never my strong point…

I am lots older than you OP but even in "my day" some of us had a lot of partners and some of us settled down at what now seems a very young age with their first or second partner, at around 20 or 21. If I had slept with every man I dated or who expressed an interest in me, my total would be about 35-40 but because this is not who I am it is much lower. I also have friends who have all but lost count, or did not keep count and in no way do I judge them as they are not me and I am not them. One of my friends had an ambition to sleep with a man from every country in the world She had a map on her wall and would put a pin in each country she conquered!

You do sound a little judgy and self satisfied @etchedowl . Lots more women than you think will be in the 10s. Lots. They just won’t tell you.

And you may not have any divorces in your big family and friend group, neither do I. But there’s also a lot of unhappy marriages with people who married young, with little experience of the world, because everyone around them was doing the same and the social pressure to fit in was huge.

Re your confidence you won’t see divorces once your social group hits 40 - I could shag a recently divorced 40 something man from now until doomsday and not repeat myself.
My body count rocketed in my 40s thanks to that demographic!

As for Andrew Twat & his incels, they need a lower body count in the hope lack of experience will cover their lack of ability.

He also looks like he cries after sex and runs off to take a wire brush to his 🍆.

I'm def the odd one out amongst most women, didn't give my virginity to anyone til this year with my current partner whom i'm certain is the "one", and only person i ever want to have sex with. I'm just turned 34.
I always idolised the idea of only ever having one partner though, as my parents got together at 15 and were eachothers only. Even after my mum died 13 years ago, dad hasn't had another partner in any sexual way, and never would, he's very open about that.

and yet you still manage to sound very sheltered, because you assume your experience of settling down with a boy you met in your teens and spending Saturday nights in your 20s sitting in playing Scrabble with said boyfriend is most women's norm.

Why's everyone so worried about AI? It's shit.

one who had a hoe era in her late teens due to insecurity about her appearance

When hoe is used to insult women but rake, as in "rakish good looks" is used to compliment men, we know we are looking at misogyny and not garden tools.