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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that most women don't even have high body counts?

648 replies

etchedowl · 03/11/2023 13:08

I read this article in the guardian this morning https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/03/when-andrew-tate-and-the-online-manboys-obsess-over-a-bodycount-girls-you-know-what-to-do which is a reaction to the current misogynistic male obsession with a woman's body count i.e. how many men she has slept with. Firstly I agree with the article that it is a totally misogynistic trope and not to be tolerated. But Secondly I wonder to myself, who are all these women with large "body counts"?

Most women I know like myself (now in my early 30's) would have dated and had boyfriend in their teens which mostly they did not have sex with then maybe a boyfriend or two they did sleep with before finally meeting the man they are now married to at some point during university or early 20's.

Most women I know were not out clubbing every week, meeting and sleeping with different men every week or month as the paranoid fantasies of these incel men say but were more likely to be tucked up at home with their long term boyfriends and husbands having a nice meal and watching box sets or even playing scrabble. Even the single women I still know will mostly socialise together at home with going out being the odd time rather than it being a bit never ending smorgasbord of hot men and sex!

Do any of these men actually know any women or do they just believe the absolute drivel they read online by shady men who are ultimately trying to sell them a product by capitalising their insecurity and paranoia?

Please note if there are women out their having a whale of a time having tons of sex then more power to them absolutely no judgement from me. The point of my post it that it seems in no way to me the norm for most women.

When Andrew Tate and the online manboys obsess over a ‘bodycount’, girls, you know what to do | Van Badham

Tate’s comments that he rejects women who have slept with more than three men betrays a screaming admission of insecurity and immaturity

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/03/when-andrew-tate-and-the-online-manboys-obsess-over-a-bodycount-girls-you-know-what-to-do

OP posts:
TheWeeDonkeyFella · 03/11/2023 15:26

WeeDove · 03/11/2023 13:20

That's a male obsession. It's a way to make women think they have less value.

Andrew Tit's followers want more sex than they're getting no doubt, but judge women for having sex! So, they want women to have less sex but to be having it with them.

Andrew Tit!

Love it!!

SylvieLaufeydottir · 03/11/2023 15:27

Jeez, I first had sex at 18, hooked up with DH at 20, never had a one-night stand (I tried, but they all ended up boyfriends!), and I've still slept with more than three people.

I'd have zero time for anyone who tried to make an issue of my "number", either way. If I'd happened to be single rather than coupled up through my 20s, you bet I'd have slept with a lot more people. A lot.

Incidentally, for anyone who gets the chance to see it, Ali Wong's show about her post-divorce sex life is funny as fuck.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/11/2023 15:28

etchedowl · 03/11/2023 14:54

Perhaps but nobody in my large family is divorced, none of my neighbours are except that one, none of my friends parents are or their older siblings, I am literally wracking my brains to think of anyone who is divorced and I can only really think of that one family who used to live next door to us when we were kids.

Show quote history

Not yet maybe. Could be affairs. There are a few couples I know who admittedly aren’t divorced and hopefully they’re in happy marriages but you real h can’t tell!

Original poster
etchedowl · 03/11/2023 15:28

jazzyfips · 03/11/2023 15:21

But overall I don't think most women have a "high body count" whatever the hell that actually is. Most women probably have a 2 or 3 long term boyfriends at most before getting married surely?

You’ve lived a sheltered life OP.

No I really haven't.

OP posts:
GlindaGossamer · 03/11/2023 15:28

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/11/2023 14:03

Shakes head in bewilderment at missed opportunities

What other reasons was there to frequent Brannigans? Except for their stated aims, IIRC, of drinking, dancing and cavorting. Grin

Haha, never got to experience Brannigans! Lots of sugary drinks in plastic glasses at Tiger Tiger 😝

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/11/2023 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yep agreed with you here. They definitely use it between themselves.

AmazingSnakeHead · 03/11/2023 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I'm challenging your use of half the degrading words you've used for feminists and women.

Whydoifeelsobadallthetime · 03/11/2023 15:29

Tbh your experience doesn't align with mine, even if I did settle down at 20...
I have what would be considered a high body count but I'm sharing that because I don't think it matters, really.

Zone2NorthLondon · 03/11/2023 15:32

I had body count three in a 24 hour period and still home in time for east enders

CornishGem1975 · 03/11/2023 15:34

I know lots of people like you describe OP, and I don't think you've had a 'sheltered life'. People make different choices. I am one of them. I'm a relationship girl, simply didn't interest me to be out meeting different men every week (no judgement if that's your bag, it just wasn't mine) and I did settle down in my mid-20s. None of that means I've led a sheltered life, that's a weird assumption to make, and really is more judgey than anything else!

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 03/11/2023 15:34

Sanguinello · 03/11/2023 13:19

It seems like it would be a good idea to exaggerate how many people you've slept with if it puts off incel types. You'd be dodging a bullet.

What a fantastic idea!

I'm going on a diet now, I've been staying overweight to act as a jerk filter and that's actually a far better one.

321user123 · 03/11/2023 15:35

I think your perception of this hugely depends on your circle and the circles of those near you.

My immediate friends and I, all bar 2, have only had 1 partner, their DH (we are all 29-35).
One had 3-4 partners and the other a few more.

There are many women acquaintances that have a very different lifestyle and are above 5 probably below 10 though.

There’s old uni or school mates that have counts WAY over 10, much closer to 25. (They are only 28-30yo).
To me that’s promiscuous and definitely not how I choose to live my life and therefore I keep away and keep this to myself (bar a few strangers on mumsnet).

AmazingSnakeHead · 03/11/2023 15:36

It's just occured to me that I have never asked DH this question, nor him me, and we've been together for 15 years. I think it the first few weeks we asked how many people we'd been in love with / how many serious relationships we'd had. For what it's worth I settled early and genuinely regret it, I wish I had slept with more people.

LickChit · 03/11/2023 15:38

321user123 · 03/11/2023 15:35

I think your perception of this hugely depends on your circle and the circles of those near you.

My immediate friends and I, all bar 2, have only had 1 partner, their DH (we are all 29-35).
One had 3-4 partners and the other a few more.

There are many women acquaintances that have a very different lifestyle and are above 5 probably below 10 though.

There’s old uni or school mates that have counts WAY over 10, much closer to 25. (They are only 28-30yo).
To me that’s promiscuous and definitely not how I choose to live my life and therefore I keep away and keep this to myself (bar a few strangers on mumsnet).

Promiscuity isn’t catching you know 😂

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 03/11/2023 15:38

AmazingSnakeHead · 03/11/2023 15:16

The first time I heard a man say this I laughed because I thought it was a joke about only dating women who have killed less than three people. It's actually quite useful because even if I met a man's "requirements" in this department the very fact that he had this requirement would rule him out as incompatible with me.

My question would be: What makes you think you're worthy to become number four?

CornishGem1975 · 03/11/2023 15:38

For what it's worth I settled early and genuinely regret it, I wish I had slept with more people.

Why @AmazingSnakeHead?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/11/2023 15:39

Oh I see my post was deleted.

Was the context not clear that it's a certain type of Andrew Tate type men that use that word, not me?!

I'll reword:

IME plenty of men will use the word 'slag' to describe women, but not in the presence of women when one of those 'nasty feminists' might be lurking ready to challenge their world view. But they will amongst themselves.

@AmazingSnakeHead those types of men use those words for women all the time. I don't. Plus I was responding to a different post that was talking about that language? I apologise if you thought that I was using it myself Confused

EmmaDilemma5 · 03/11/2023 15:40

YABU for even talking about AT - he loves publicity, I wish people would stop giving him any attention.

And who cares how many people women sleep with. It's our own business and no one elses. It has zero to do with anything.

AmazingSnakeHead · 03/11/2023 15:41

WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive · 03/11/2023 14:07

@TimeForTeaAndG

Personally, I'm not in the below 3 camp and it annoys me that it matters. But when I've spoken to other men about it, I can see the logic behind it.

In a nutshell, it has been explained to me something along the lines of this; Mens basic instinctual desire is to find a 'good' person to raise a family with and remain loyal to them. Men have no guarantee of paternity so tend to like non promiscuous women. To add to that, the more men a women has slept with, the higher the odds of poor marital satisfaction from the women so given women initiate divorce 75% of the time and tend to take the children and half the assets, men feel the need to increase the odds of a lasting partnership and proven paternity by choosing women who have slept with less men.

Obviously that is all very transactional but the men I've spoke to say it's more of a check list at the beginning of the relationship when vetting, like when women want to be with men that earn a certain amount or wants to buy a house and is responsible with money as this shows they can provide security, Thus, good option for raising a family.

Edited

Yeah, this makes perfect sense. So to summarise, it's because these men know that they are utter shits who have nothing to bring to a relationship except the fact that they are men. They are hoping that by choosing a woman who has literally nothing else to compare them against they stand a better chance of her sticking around when they demonstrate how poor a partner they are.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 03/11/2023 15:41

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/11/2023 15:39

Oh I see my post was deleted.

Was the context not clear that it's a certain type of Andrew Tate type men that use that word, not me?!

I'll reword:

IME plenty of men will use the word 'slag' to describe women, but not in the presence of women when one of those 'nasty feminists' might be lurking ready to challenge their world view. But they will amongst themselves.

@AmazingSnakeHead those types of men use those words for women all the time. I don't. Plus I was responding to a different post that was talking about that language? I apologise if you thought that I was using it myself Confused

What men say about women when we aren't present, or they have forgotten that we are present because of the way the office is laid out, is eye-opening.

Bambooshoot · 03/11/2023 15:44

321user123 · 03/11/2023 15:35

I think your perception of this hugely depends on your circle and the circles of those near you.

My immediate friends and I, all bar 2, have only had 1 partner, their DH (we are all 29-35).
One had 3-4 partners and the other a few more.

There are many women acquaintances that have a very different lifestyle and are above 5 probably below 10 though.

There’s old uni or school mates that have counts WAY over 10, much closer to 25. (They are only 28-30yo).
To me that’s promiscuous and definitely not how I choose to live my life and therefore I keep away and keep this to myself (bar a few strangers on mumsnet).

So women who enjoy sex and have over a certain (arbitrary) number of partners are bad, by your standards? Why is that? Should women not enjoy sex? Are women not allowed to experiment with whoever they please? Why not, why is this something “promiscuous” and evil? Do you think consensual sex devalues women? Does this apply to men too? I don’t understand why you have bought into such limiting beliefs?

Weddingpuzzle · 03/11/2023 15:44

PianPianPiano · 03/11/2023 15:09

I lost count when I was at Uni.... Genuinely no idea what my 'number' is.

Me neither - I genuinely have no idea I just know it's a lot and I had a (mostly) good time and I don't regret any of it. I have only ever been asked this by one of my gay best friends who loves to talk about sex - I'd be pretty unimpressed by anyone else asking me this. DH doesn't have a clue and I have no idea of his total either as it's not something anyone needs to know really is it?

AmazingSnakeHead · 03/11/2023 15:44

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/11/2023 15:39

Oh I see my post was deleted.

Was the context not clear that it's a certain type of Andrew Tate type men that use that word, not me?!

I'll reword:

IME plenty of men will use the word 'slag' to describe women, but not in the presence of women when one of those 'nasty feminists' might be lurking ready to challenge their world view. But they will amongst themselves.

@AmazingSnakeHead those types of men use those words for women all the time. I don't. Plus I was responding to a different post that was talking about that language? I apologise if you thought that I was using it myself Confused

Ah I understand. I thought the word you'd used for the nasty feminists was your own word, I missed that part was also from their perspective. Apologies!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/11/2023 15:44

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia innit tho.

TripleDaisySummer · 03/11/2023 15:44

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/11/2023 15:28

Not yet maybe. Could be affairs. There are a few couples I know who admittedly aren’t divorced and hopefully they’re in happy marriages but you real h can’t tell!

Show quote history

Everyone here seems to be divorce or co-habiting/bended family. My DC are unusual in having both parents still together and being married - and nearly unique in both DGP being the same.

I can only think of one other and DD1 is dating her. We're not religious so that doesn't explain it.

Our uni friends are where the couples are ones still married and together - and we haven't hit 50s yet.

Quick google seems to suggest marriage if/when/how long is social economically influenced in UK - so experiences will vary there as well as with age.