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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That MIL has bought DS an expensive Thomas the tank Train set after I told her we didn't want it?

316 replies

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/03/2008 14:36

She has wanted to buy him one for a while. I told her we would prefer Brio, or even a cheaper one that isn't branded.
This morning I got a delivery of a full train set and various trains and accesories.
He is delighted of course, and loves it but I am angry she has spent too much money and gone against our expressed wishes.

Am I just ungrateful?

OP posts:

Original poster

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/03/2008 16:38

I have recovered from my brief meltdown.

I admit I wouldn't be so pissed off about this if I wasn't feeling so fragile at the moment.

However I hate the fact that my MIL continues to buy things that go against my principles, or even aesthetic tastes and I have to accomodate it.

I'll leave this thread here, and regret even bothering.

OP posts:

tortoiseSHELL · 10/03/2008 16:38

If it's compatible with Brio then when you want to add to it, just add Brio/ELC stuff.

I know where you're coming from with 'brand-aversion', but I don't think it is such a big deal really - and actually the first time they have a birthday party with school friends then they will get all manner of branded stuff. You can't avoid it forever, as they will see what their friends have, see what is in the shops etc. I think it's better to teach them the value of things, and to talk about what you're buying and why, and not to worry too much about whether something is 'branded' or not. For example, ds1 is parading round the house in a 'Jack Sparrow' costume. He is SO happy to have it (he is OBSSESSED!), and as it was more expensive than I wanted to spend, we went halves - he paid for half out of his tooth fairy/pocket money! And he REALLY values it - he knows he paid for some of it. He also has a pirates of the caribbean lunchbox - he needed a new one, and I knew he would love a pirates one, and it wasn't any more expensive than any other type, and he does love it. It's not spoilt him at all!

Megglevache · 10/03/2008 16:40

Message withdrawn

HonoriaGlossop · 10/03/2008 16:40

i think people get overly controlling and hung up on what other people buy.

As the parents you are the major influence on your child and your principles and way of life are going to be (during their childhood) that of the child too. It's THAT you can control, not what other people choose to give as presents

tortoiseSHELL · 10/03/2008 16:42

Just to add, I do think there are occasions where it is ok to say 'please don't buy that' - my mum suggested getting dd a TV/DVD in one player for Christmas (we had talked about getting a cheap one for times when we needed it outside the house), and we said then please don't as it would then be 'hers' and I think she is too young at 4.

HonoriaGlossop · 10/03/2008 16:44

i think a TV DVD player is age inappropriate for a four year old, in a way that a train set for a small boy, isn't

Vulgar · 10/03/2008 16:45

The point about "aesthetics" made me snigger a bit . . .do you want your child's choice of toys to make your house look like something out of a magazine?

I think you're being a bit mean really. She bought him a gift. He loves it. Stop being poncey about branded toys.

Lauriefairycake · 10/03/2008 16:50

I do think there is a general point about not letting stuff in your house that goes against your expressed wishes.

I can honestly say that if I asked someone not to get something and they ignored it I might not let it across the threshold - depends on what it is - am already imagining a large pool table that my lovely mil tried to foist on me (cos dh and his brothers played it). It would have taken up all the living space in our house (tiny cottage)

This isn't quite the same thing as they are the same size but if I had strong objections then I wouldn't let it in the house (I would let it be "for playing with round grandma's" )

I think you are entitled to your objections and if you feel that strongly (sounds like it is the straw that broke the camel here) you get to decide what to do.

Original poster

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/03/2008 16:50

This always happens I can't resist coming back.
I didn't for example appreciate the massive ugly rocking horse bought for the DC that they are both scared of and is a great ugly object around the house.
I didn't like the massive plastic fisherprice kitchen they were bought when we already had one.

I don't like plastic, I don't like branded, I don't like ugly and hate that we have to accept these things into our house.

OP posts:

Lauriefairycake · 10/03/2008 16:51

you do not have to have them in your house - all that ugly tat sounds way too much

time to put foot down............??

tortoiseSHELL · 10/03/2008 16:52

What you need is a bit plastic box, then you can put all the train set in there, put the lid on, and then you won't be able to see it!

Megglevache · 10/03/2008 16:53

Message withdrawn

Vulgar · 10/03/2008 16:54

Of course you don't HAVE to have them in your house but I do think perhaps you are a little controlling . . .

Megglevache · 10/03/2008 16:54

Message withdrawn

meemar · 10/03/2008 16:57

TDWP, fair enough that there are things you don't like, and it seems that your children are young enough for you to have some say in their gifts.

But what will you do in a few years if your DS gets a favourite toy or hobby or collection and you think it's too ugly to be in your house - will you stop him?

I think you need to take a step back and accept that when you have children they will like things that you don't.

Original poster

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/03/2008 16:58

I can't stop her though. She sends parcel ater parcel of clothes and toys, some are lovely, some are hideous.
Plus she just doesn't listen to me when I tell her what we don't wan or need.

Right now DS has 4 sets of unworn pyjamas and a dressing gown from her that she posted to us. She had asked what he needed and I said socks and t shirts and tis is what she sent. He has plenty so I am just waiting to go and exchange them. Again I sound ungrateful but her gifts are always more hassle than a nice surprise.

OP posts:

Oblomov · 10/03/2008 16:59

Primark, just sell it on ebay asap.
And in the future do the same. And then tell her, " I sold it on ebay, because ...."

girlfrommars · 10/03/2008 16:59

OP talked to MIL about MIL getting DS a train set. OP didn't say, "No Evil Witch, you shall not buy a gift for my child, ha HA HA!" She said, "If you do, could you make it a non-branded one that we can add to over a period of time."

She didn't flip over it being given 'just because' (not as a birthday present). She didn't dispute MILs perogative to buy grandchild a gift of her choosing i.e. train set. She just asked that it be non-branded, which would actually have been cheaper and easier to add to.

I don't think she's unreasonable to come onto MN to vent.
I do think some people are tearing strips off her because she cares about branding.

Megglevache · 10/03/2008 17:02

Message withdrawn

Lauriefairycake · 10/03/2008 17:03

Hmmm, sounds like you are (quite rightly) pissed off that she doesn't listen to you.

As for the pj's i would only exchange if I was passing or it was little hassle, otherwise i would drop them in at a charity shop.

Unfortunately you can't make the old bag mil
listen or respect you so you just decide how much tat stuff you want in your house

scottishmummy · 10/03/2008 17:04

hey calling everyone "fecking" "insensitive" and then playing the sympathy oh im crying now is manipulative and uncalled for

dont ask opinions, then get belligerent and stroopy when you hear a something else

primark could quietly have mulled things over no she chose to tell me i had made her cry

Megglevache · 10/03/2008 17:05

Message withdrawn

Original poster

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/03/2008 17:05

M you are very right. I think his is where DH gets it from.

However I am not controlling over my childrens toys, they have plenty of plastic tat and messy art sets, I just hate having 'large' items bought for us.

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 10/03/2008 17:05

I think you're both being a little unreasonable TBH.

She shouldn't send stuff you have said you don't want.

But as unsuitable presents go, this is not that dreadful. And the aesthetics thing is something I think you might have to get used to.

I think you're probably both tending towards the same end of a laissez faire/controlling dimension and you will need to pick your battles.

Original poster

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/03/2008 17:06

Scottishmummy you could have taken that as a hint to step the fuck away from this thread.
You were being deliberately provocative and I am far from being in the mood to fight back at that from a stranger.

OP posts:

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