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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that no one would help

756 replies

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 06:55

Emergency last night and I needed someone to drive a forty minute round trip. That's all. Never asked for this or any favour really before. I offered to pay. No one would help. Not my mum, siblings. One friend would have but she's on holiday. Got a taxi in the end but it was sheer luck one turned up as it's not a well covered part of the country.

Feel really alone right now!

OP posts:
runningpram · 03/11/2023 07:49

A 40 min walk on dark roads without pavements in the pouring rain is really dangerous

itsallnewnow · 03/11/2023 07:49

@Itsnotchristmasyet I think it was her partner stuck not op! Third post down she says "you would let your partner sleep at a station"

Rewindthefilm · 03/11/2023 07:50

Syndulla · 03/11/2023 07:41

Pretty sure OP is referring to the major signalling failure in Scotland last night that impacted a large chunk of the Scottish railway system. So if OP was stopping at one of the more rural stations, then there wouldn't have been a mass of taxis available. It wouldn't be appropriate for her to walk home alone in the dark.

And no, there were not replacement bus services either. Scotsrail have told people to keep receipts for hotels they booked to claim compensation. They weren't shifting people about by bus!

Hope that helps all the people deliberately being obtuse.

I hadn’t heard this but in that case, couldn’t the stranded person have got a hotel for the night (travelled to hotel with other stranded passengers) and claimed back if onward travel was difficult to organise?

My family live miles away from me and all my friends who live close by have young children. Unless it was life or death or a young person at risk, I would not expect any of them to stop their evenings to do a taxi run for me. Ask, as you never know, but not expect and certainly not hold it against them.

Plantymcplantface · 03/11/2023 07:51

@Parpadew sorry that this happened it must have been quite stressful.

Your comment about your relationship with your sister being permanently damaged prompted me to reply. A you imagine a conversation with her, that ends in an apology from
her, and an understanding of being able to help each other with a definition of an emergency. Wouldn’t that be possible? Would that stop
things being permanently damaged?

Also, look into a car if you can/don’t already have one. We live semi rurally and we run two cars for exactly this reason. Appreciate it might not be possible, but public transport isn’t reliable here.

HeadAgainstWall0923 · 03/11/2023 07:51

I haven’t read the whole thread but I would have come and got you OP, no problem.

Im pretty confident any of my friends and family, especially my family would come to help me in these circumstances.

It’s quite shitty they were happy to leave you stranded on an empty train platform in the middle of the night for God knows how many hours with no guarantee of when/if you’d be able to get a taxi.

I would be incredibly hurt.

HeadAgainstWall0923 · 03/11/2023 07:52

itsallnewnow · 03/11/2023 07:49

@Itsnotchristmasyet I think it was her partner stuck not op! Third post down she says "you would let your partner sleep at a station"

I got the impression it meant her partner had refused to come and pick her up.

MyCircumference · 03/11/2023 07:52

how long would it have been for them
are you all living 20 minutes away?
i am sorry but this is life, you are on your own.

ICanSeeMyHouseFromHere · 03/11/2023 07:52

Your Dp being at a station 20 mins away isn't an emergency , they could have walked instead of 5 hour waiting on you arriving in a taxi.

20 mins is going to be 10+ miles away rurally - likely along unlit roads with no pavement. I think I'd wait 5 hours at the station rather than walk for that 5 hours in the dark and rain risking being hit by a car (especially since I doubt he was in high vis given he wasn't expecting it.

sollenwir · 03/11/2023 07:52

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:09

Context is rescuing someone from being stuck overnight at a train station after the breakdown yesterday. Small village so no public transport or hotels.

So not an actual emergency, just an inconvenience. Taxis are there for that sort of situation IMHO.

Startagainjanuary · 03/11/2023 07:53

How old is the partner?

How old is the OP and does she drive?

I just don’t understand why these questions have not been answered.

The OP said she would have probably had a wine at this time of night maybe her family had also drank alcohol and just didn’t want to admit to drinking.

It is all a bit pathetic my 12 year old knew how to get around using taxis and as she got a taxi herself in the end I don’t know where all the drama is coming from.

TravelInHope · 03/11/2023 07:53

Mumtime2 · 03/11/2023 07:20

It was 40mins from your home in a quiet place?
I would have walked.
Who knows why others didn't help, have you asked?

A 40 minute drive?! Possibly 20 - 30 miles? And you would walk? Amazing. It would probably take a hiker about 10 - 15 hours.

Alohapotato · 03/11/2023 07:53

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:19

The reason was they didnt want to. Maybe this thread is making me feel better because while I think it was horrible and right and lazy of them perhaps that's just the standard now. I would absolutely never have done this to them.
And, as above, there were no taxis because of the nationwide collapse in the train system. It was absolutely luck of the gods that I found one after five hours.

If there were no taxis how did you get a taxi? Your partner is an adult, he can call a taxi by himself.

MrsElsa · 03/11/2023 07:53

Disappointing but not really an emergency. Your OH is an adult and can look after themself.

Hibiscrubbed · 03/11/2023 07:53

Some posters are either wilfully obtuse or unable to imagine not living in a metropolis.

It was totally shit, OP. I’d never have left someone in my family or a friend or loved one sitting at a station for five hours due to broken trains and no taxis, or facing a 3.5hr walk on a road with no pavements.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/11/2023 07:53

Itsnotchristmasyet · 03/11/2023 07:43

Stop being so obtuse.

A child is not going to be travelling alone at night.

OP is an adult and couldn’t get home.

If you would be fine walking 3.5 hours home in the dark in a rural area, then more fool you.
Most of us have much more common sense than that though.

Show quote history

It was her partner who couldn't get home, wasn't it?

Regardless, I agree that saying "just walk" is silly. A 20 min drive on rural roads would translate into a very long and potentially dangerous walk for anyone.

ICanSeeMyHouseFromHere · 03/11/2023 07:54

And I would (and have) turf out to go and get them in this kind of circumstance. Taxis are like gold-dust where I grew up, virtually impossible to get without pre-booking.

dylanschicken · 03/11/2023 07:55

@curtaintwitchersannonymous

The train company has access to coaches

That actually didn't, and don't. They work with several bus companies for rail replacement buses, both planned and unplanned but yesterday there was such a collapse of the system that there simply were not enough available buses to cover what was needed.

Train operators do not have hundreds of buses with drivers on standby

Gnomegnomegnome · 03/11/2023 07:55

I get it op. Our nearest train station is an hours drive away. Taxis are like unicorn poo and a bus would bring you twenty minutes closer if you change (they are hourly in the day but not sure after 6).

If I was unable to collect I do have people that I can ask and they know that they could ask me if needed.

Why couldn’t they help?

PerspiringElizabeth · 03/11/2023 07:56

PetsAreBetter · 03/11/2023 07:17

Of course not, I'd have done what you did and got a taxi if I didn't drive myself. I'm sure he could have got a ride share service to come get him and bring him home. I wouldn't ask for help in this situation unless all other options were exhausted.

I am always available to friends and family in an emergency, but this has alternative solutions.

Edited
Show quote history

I'm sure he could have got a ride share service to come get him and bring him home.

Why are you sure of this?? I’ve never even heard of a ride share service, and Ubers - heck even taxis and buses - don’t operate in enormous swathes of the country.

FloweryName · 03/11/2023 07:56

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:30

I will just conclude by saying this has permanently damaged my relationship with my sister in particular. I don't know if she will realise it but... If you care about your family don't abandon them when they ask for your help (especially if they absolutely never usually ask).

This sounds very dramatic considering all that happened was a train breakdown. No one was ill, no one was injured, no one was in emotional distress. Someone just needed a lift.

You are coming across as if you think it’s a tiny favour needed in a desperate situation but actually it was a fairly normal situation and quite a big ask. Especially depending on the time of day, weather etc.

This is a ridiculous thing to permanently damage an otherwise good sister relationship.

ohtowinthelottery · 03/11/2023 07:56

I have regularly rescued my own family from the mainline station 45 mins drive away (each way) due to cancellation of the connecting train so I feel your pain. I would do it for a friend if asked too - as long as it wasn't a risk to my life due to the weather.

Mumsnet is great for making you realise that some people have no idea what it is like to live outside of a city where endless public transport or taxi options are available often 24/7.

In this house we always say you need a Plan B if going on public transport as it is so unreliable - even in good weather.

curtaintwitchersannonymous · 03/11/2023 07:58

ICanSeeMyHouseFromHere · 03/11/2023 07:52

Your Dp being at a station 20 mins away isn't an emergency , they could have walked instead of 5 hour waiting on you arriving in a taxi.

20 mins is going to be 10+ miles away rurally - likely along unlit roads with no pavement. I think I'd wait 5 hours at the station rather than walk for that 5 hours in the dark and rain risking being hit by a car (especially since I doubt he was in high vis given he wasn't expecting it.

I agree, I would doze on the train, probably, but as to not having any high viz, that is just down to personal responsibility. How much does it weigh to have a flashing armband in your pocket? You don't have to be "expecting it" to know that there are times when you are going to be walking home in the dark unexpectedly. I always carry a microhead torch, a flashing light tab or some sort and a fluorescent band - it comes to a few ounces. That is just basic common sense

Cumbrianlife · 03/11/2023 07:58

Your family left a lone female abandoned in the middle of nowhere at night? Or were you rescuing someone? If it was for you and your family chose not to help I'd be seriously rethinking my relationship. It's an awful thing to do.
I have six siblings, all with partners or spouses and a couple of friends at least who would drop everything if they were able, even at 4am.

Startagainjanuary · 03/11/2023 07:58

OP isn’t giving all the facts.

Pleasehelpmedress · 03/11/2023 07:59

I'm pretty shocked by the responses on this thread! Where I live there's one taxi (car, not company) in the closest town so if it's busy of he's not working you're stuck - if you want one from the city they charge to come out to you (40 min drive one way so understandable).

We are not near a train station but in your case I can guarantee that any of my in laws would have driven out to collect us - they are over an hour away (assuming all other options weren't available). But I probably wouldn't need them as we are in a small village (50 houses) where a neighbour would help out if passing, and probably do a special trip if they could if necessary.

One neighbour was 6 months without a license - and there's no public transport in our village, closest bus stop is 5 miles away - and everyone was offering her lifts. The local farmers truck was in the garage last weekend so I gave her my car to use for a couple of days. That sort of thing is normal here!