To be sad that no one would help

[Parpadew]

Emergency last night and I needed someone to drive a forty minute round trip. That's all. Never asked for this or any favour really before. I offered to pay. No one would help. Not my mum, siblings. One friend would have but she's on holiday. Got a taxi in the end but it was sheer luck one turned up as it's not a well covered part of the country.

Feel really alone right now!

The op calls this man her partner.

It wasn't the op that was stuck. I'd (possibly) help my brother if he couldn't get home but I wouldn't go get his partner - he's had a lot of partners and they never last and I don't get invested in them emotionally - the one he currently has is a nice enough person but she's not my problem if she's stuck somewhere, that's to him and her to sort.

What I'm trying to say, in a long winded way, is that due to his past and my experience post divorce, I keep my "family" small - my kids and direct blood relations. I'd only expect my brother to help me or my kids (I wouldn't ask, but hypothetically), I wouldn't expect him to go rescue my partner.

I wouldn't do it for my partner's niece or nephew, I would for his kids, and he would for my kids, but I wouldn't expect his sister to rescue my kids.

We don't know any of the backstory from the op, we have no idea if she lives with this partner, how long she's been with them, what the sister has going on in her life, nothing. And the op won't be back.

I would say most people in rural Ireland would find this unbelievable. We did a 30 mile tound trip yesterday to pick up a neighbour's child from a train station because the neighbour was picking another one up from somewhere else. When our pony was stolen and we saw it 40 miles from our house a neighbour drove to the field with a horse box whilst we waited there for the police.
I would say that's pretty typical for rural Ireland. So not doing a 40 minute trip to get someone home late a night, even an adult, would be so alien to our community.

ClareBlue, I'm glad someone else is 'normal'. Sheesh, some folk on here.. wanting OP's history from day one instead of saying 'glad to help'..

Because grown ups are becoming fewer and further between as the generations go on because they have someone to run to the rescue at every little mishap! He was a fully grown man they was in a perfectly safe place to wait for a taxi. He wasn't up a mountain, or injured or bladdered or mentally unwell etc etc. Let him get on with being a grown up 🙄

Hi I would store this for when they want something which they will for next time if I were you

What a way to live

I agree, disappointed no-one helped. But, I would put it behind me and not hold a grudge. Grudges do more harm to the holder than they do to the recipient. If in the future one of them asked for help, I would help if I could. Simply because I prefer to be that kind of person and that is partly driven by my faith. I wouldn't expect reciprocal payback if I needed help, that is trade, not generousity. I hope this thread settles your mind, but I would steer away from solutions that start a vendetta.

So sorry to hear how alone you are feeling. I know it is hard enough to ask for help let alone come up against a brick wall 😥

LOL I'm talking about the unanswered questions and criticisms, not the poll.

i think some of the replies on here are horrible. you were perfectly reasonable asking for help and anyone who didn’t give it should be ashamed

I think the problem was it was a really confusing story at first. For the first few posts readers had no idea who was at the station. Then OP was really odd about clarifying the details.

yes I absolutely would collect my brother in law from the station - I would do it for most people if I was asked. It’s sad that OP’s family were prepare to do this favour.

There are some seriously dense replies on here, despite your update!!
A 20 minute rural drive isnt a 20 minute walk!!! It is clear that someone was stranded and it not always that easy to get a taxi. Geez people!

I would do this for an acquaintance if they were desperate enough to call me!
leaving someone to wait 5hrs at a train station in November, rather than make a 40minute drive is pretty fricken crappy and I would not be helping out those who refused anytime soon OP!
Sorry you are feeling lonely & abandoned (a total reasonable feeling to what happened, despite some of the replies on here!!

@AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere it wasn’t OP who was stranded, it was her boyfriend. Lots of people wouldn’t get up at midnight to do a 40 minute drive to pick up their sister’s boyfriend from the station.

Not to mention he wasn't all alone in the sticks, he was with a trainload of other passengers, all of whom were having to make the same arrangements.

I'm sure most people who voted YANBU only read the OP's initial post and took it at face value that this was an actual emergency that people wouldn't help her with.

“Are you on glue?”

Are you a 14 year old from the 1990s? 😂

I might decide that someone needs a lift at night in the dark 40 minutes away and that would be fine for me to toddle off and do that. Deciding that your mum or your sister should be the one to do the actual ‘going out in the dark’ bit is rather a different matter. Then saying that your relationship with your sister is ruined because she wouldn’t race to do it is taking it one step further!

I don’t think the OP will be back on this thread though.

People suck sometimes.

I'd love for Mumsnet to geotag comments so we can see where this selfish attitude/behaviour is the norm. Is it a regional thing? Or a class/neighbourhood thing?

I have lived all around the Scottish Highlands, West Midlands and Cornwall and from my experience driving to pick up a friend/relative/neighbour to save them 5 hours (or more) shivering in a train station is a completely unremarkable level of support to give.

If I were you OP I'd be so confused as this lack of generosity is baffling! I'd assume a secret booze problem first and if that was discounted then quietly write them off as selfish bastards.

But how would the OP’s family have known it was going to be a five hour wait when they declined to help (for reasons the OP won’t divulge). As far as they were concerned a middle aged adult man was stuck at a train station not too far away. Not really an emergency - yes it would have been nice for someone to go and get him, but it wasn’t a life or death situation and it sounds like he got home fine in the end.

Does it have to be an emergencyor life or death situation before anyone should offer a favour? Blimey, I do favours for people all the time. Perhaps I should adopt the MN "Is it life or death?" No "Then fuck off" attitude when a friend asks for a lift because the trains have been cancelled, no buses and they're stuck with no way home.

@LauraFedora exactly, I am so glad I have lovely friends and family who all help each other out. Some of the responses on here are awful.

But the OP's family may have had a number of reasons not to go i.e. had a glass of wine/looking after small children/not confident driving in the dark /on their last £10 of petrol/ being fed up of the OP's partner being helpless etc. For the OP to say her relationship with her sister is damaged over this is ridiculous, unless there is a huge backstory. If it was an actual emergency rather than doing a favour so someone could avoid an inconvenient wait, then fair enough to be as pissed off as the OP seems to be, but no real harm done.

But it wasn't a friend asking. It was a friend asking for her 'partner'. I've friends I'd help but I wouldn't spit on their partner if he was on fire.

We don't know enough and the op won't say.