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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that no one would help

756 replies

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 06:55

Emergency last night and I needed someone to drive a forty minute round trip. That's all. Never asked for this or any favour really before. I offered to pay. No one would help. Not my mum, siblings. One friend would have but she's on holiday. Got a taxi in the end but it was sheer luck one turned up as it's not a well covered part of the country.

Feel really alone right now!

OP posts:
Bippertyboppertyboob · 04/11/2023 18:30

@Tessabelle74 when did we become so bloody miserable that we have to be a minor or in someway vulnerable to have some help. Jeez!

Startagainjanuary · 04/11/2023 18:31

Bigbobalady · 04/11/2023 17:41

When I was 19 I got stranded in Derby whilst on route to Newcastle (home) from Plymouth. The tracks were flooded and there were no trains going up north…my mam drives and even she wouldn’t come pick me up 😂 YANBU…I could have done with a friend like you at that time! ♥️

Edited

Op doesn’t drive or have a car so not sure how much she could have helped you!

LaughingCat · 04/11/2023 18:32

I’ve had the wife of a friend call, saying he was stranded in the middle of nowhere (remote Yorkshire Dales) in the evening and my other half and I packed up the car, made a thermos of hot coffee and threw in a few blankets and set off for the 50 minute drive without even thinking. And then drove him home forty minutes in a different direction to our home. We were tucked up nice and cosy at home with the telly on but c’mon. It’s common decency.

When I was stranded in the middle of the night, running solo across Cam Fell, a complete stranger in the only cottage for miles warmed me up, fed me cups of tea while I dried out and drove me to the pub several miles away where I had a room for the night (whose owners, also strangers, had set up a call-in chain of cottages along the route that they thought I’d come by, so residents would call them to let them know they’d seen me pass).

If complete strangers can do that for me, I would absolutely expect family to head out and pick up your other half. I’m sorry your partner and you had to go through that, OP. Your family sound a bit shit really.

Startagainjanuary · 04/11/2023 18:34

Some people would help strangers before their family it’s not a reflection of who they are unless you know the family dynamics.

Lovelymoon · 04/11/2023 18:34

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:30

I will just conclude by saying this has permanently damaged my relationship with my sister in particular. I don't know if she will realise it but... If you care about your family don't abandon them when they ask for your help (especially if they absolutely never usually ask).

I don’t blame you OP. Quietly switch to NC or LC and protect your mental health. I’m sorry you went through that, but I’m glad you managed to somehow get home safe ❤️

SpringHexagon · 04/11/2023 18:37

Mumtime2 · 03/11/2023 07:20

It was 40mins from your home in a quiet place?
I would have walked.
Who knows why others didn't help, have you asked?

My friend stays 21 minutes away by car, but it would take at least 3 hours to walk. So doesn't seem all that ridiculous to me that the op didn't consider walking as a first choice.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 04/11/2023 18:37

Moanyoldmoan · 04/11/2023 18:19

I broke down by the side of a very busy road and had my 4 children all under 7 stood by the car with me. It was getting dark and they were scared. My mum lives a 15 min drive away and just wished me well on the phone, as did my dad who was 30 mins away. Children’s dad was eating his dinner 20 mins away so wouldn’t help. My partner was visiting his daughter 30 mins away so wouldn’t help. Really made me think about the times I’ve made a mad dash for everyone else. You are not unreasonable but others are selfish

I hope you don’t help any of these people anymore?

I hope your partner is an ex?

Pinkyponkninkynonk · 04/11/2023 18:39

They got a taxi. What’s the problem? If they’d have tried to get a taxi and not been able to, then different. But if the taxi option hadn’t even been explored when you called then I think it’s a bit harsh.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 04/11/2023 18:41

One lad that night rang his parents who refused and he was found dead the next day after attempting to walk the 20 minute drive. 20 minute drive here can be several hours on busy roads or fields that have no paths to miss the busy roads. The lad was sadly found after he had basically passed out and developed hypothermia.

This is so sad Sad. I hope his family can comfort themselves with the knowledge that he should have waited for a taxi. <sarcasm off>

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 04/11/2023 18:43

Pinkyponkninkynonk · 04/11/2023 18:39

They got a taxi. What’s the problem? If they’d have tried to get a taxi and not been able to, then different. But if the taxi option hadn’t even been explored when you called then I think it’s a bit harsh.

There was no taxi for 5 hours, and even the taxi after 5 hours is lucky.

I hope you are similarly stranded one day with no help.

Itsjustagoogleaway · 04/11/2023 18:47

I think they were horrible.
I would help out,

Babyandfurbabymum · 04/11/2023 18:57

Sorry to hear that. It must be upsetting on top of a stressful emergency to have noone willing to help. Try and keep positive by remembering that you have a good friend who would normally help. We can't choose our family but we can choose our friends x

BrainWontWorkAnymore · 04/11/2023 18:57

An FYI for those getting uptight about walking. Morpeth is on the A1 to Scotland, between Newcastle and the border.

Imagine you you lived in Clapheaton. It is just over 20min by car in the light to Morpeth. It is 5 ½ walk down narrow country roads, no lighting and no paths on many of the roads. Search on google maps and follow the directions / look at the images and imaging walking that in the dark. Probably with unsuitable clothing etc (reflective, decent boots, drinks) perhaps pulling a case. Morpeth is a fairly big town but not one designed for overnighting.

Now search for Alnmouth. Also a train stop on the east coast. Good luck in getting hotel or taxi from there!

Just because you haven’t experienced it doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.

@Parpadew I get it. I don’t get their selfishness.

To be sad that no one would help
Ghostface333 · 04/11/2023 18:58

I would be sad if this happened to me. I’d like to think my parents, sibling or closest friends would help me if I were in a similar situation.
I think a lot of people who are commenting ‘why could you not just get a taxi or a lift service’ must live in cities or large towns. I also live in a semi rural area and while there are usually a couple of taxis waiting at the train station at peak times, the only other option is the local taxi service which is more or less pre bookings only and there is little or no uber (or similar) in the area. I’m guessing you live in similar type of area.

Scylax · 04/11/2023 19:04

I’m so sorry, that’s horrible! I’m so glad you found a taxi; that wouldn’t have been a safe situation for anyone to be in! No, in that case, anyone who was capable of helping should have - it’s common decency, and YANBU to feel upset.

Nanny0gg · 04/11/2023 19:09

00100001 · 03/11/2023 07:28

Why couldn't they get a taxi?

Show quote history

Because rurally there often aren't any!

MrsCarson · 04/11/2023 19:13

I'm glad you finally managed to get a taxi and go to get him.
Your family should be ashamed of themselves 5 hours wait for a taxi is an eternity when you are stuck. At least you know now not to jump into action for them. I'd go LC with them as someone else suggested.
We live in a village and are lucky enough that to get to the main rd there are pavements, but if we lived on the other side of the village it's high hedges and narrow roads with cars that go way to fast even at night. and no pavements.

Miyagi99 · 04/11/2023 19:14

No Uber in Wrexham.

Testina · 04/11/2023 19:16

@Ghostface333 I think a lot of people who are commenting ‘why could you not just get a taxi or a lift service’ must live in cities or large towns

The OP lives in a city! 20 minutes away from where her boyfriend needed to be collected from. And has ignored all surprise expressed that her city had no taxis for 5 hours.

Testina · 04/11/2023 19:24

Miyagi99 · 04/11/2023 19:14

No Uber in Wrexham.

True, but Wrexham only became a city in 2022 and has a population around 70K. I don’t think if you lived it Wrexham that you would post on MN that you live in a city.
But, my point about cities and Uber is that most cities (and certainly ones that are actually city-sized rather than city-named) will have an app like that. So I don’t understand OP’s comment that it was “the luck of the gods” that she got him a taxi after 5 hours. Luck and gods had nothing to do with - just booking one did.

I think if she was in a Wrexham / Truro / Dundee style small city-in-name-only location, she’d have said - when people expressed surprise at a city having no taxis for 5 hours - “oh, it’s a tiny place”. But OP isn’t answering a lot of questions. Which is fine: no rules. But, it’s why people are a bit 🤨 at the details!

MibsXX · 04/11/2023 19:28

could easily happen where I am too, no taxis and no public transport after 7pm...

GreenSaturn · 04/11/2023 19:36

I would always collect/drop off family members wherever, I quite enjoyed helping out. UNTIL family argument ended with my sibling saying that I had an "unhealthy" interest in helping people🤯

TortolaParadise · 04/11/2023 19:43

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:23

Does everyone here live in London then? Think a village about 20 minutes drive from the nearest place with a hotel or taxi rank or bus.

Sometimes you can't get taxi in London either!

MummyJ36 · 04/11/2023 19:45

OP did your family literally say “can’t be arsed” or did they give a reason? Does your partner often need help with things? All of this context matters…

mamabear715 · 04/11/2023 19:48

I'm so sorry, OP.
Do remember, won't you, the next time anyone wants a favour? xx

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