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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that no one would help

756 replies

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 06:55

Emergency last night and I needed someone to drive a forty minute round trip. That's all. Never asked for this or any favour really before. I offered to pay. No one would help. Not my mum, siblings. One friend would have but she's on holiday. Got a taxi in the end but it was sheer luck one turned up as it's not a well covered part of the country.

Feel really alone right now!

OP posts:
GreenSaturn · 04/11/2023 19:49

Think it's the way we are wired. Stuff I've gone extra mile for others, but I did it without hesitation. Can't standby when someone genuinely needs help. Though I am a once bitten twice shy kinda person so won't get walked on 🤨

GreenSaturn · 04/11/2023 19:53

Oh that's horrible. How sad. Must be dreadful having such heartless family members 😞

jrc1071 · 04/11/2023 20:04

I know exactly how you feel… I was in that position today. Had to drive myself to an emergency doctors appointment, then the ER, all by myself. While at the same time, trying to find childcare as I am a solo parent . I was crying most of the way because it was like my God would be so nice to have someone at my side. Yeah whatever. Will die alone.

halloweenhalfterm · 04/11/2023 20:08

I wouldn't go and get an adult man who could have got a taxi home at late night.

Maybe you should learn to drive OP?

MsMcGonagall · 04/11/2023 20:10

YANBU I get it OP and it's shit that no-one would help. Our nearest station is also 20 minutes drive (= possibly 2 hours walk). No taxi rank, is in the middle of nowhere. One time coming home after a trip, our car was out of action so DH couldn't pick me up. I called about 10 taxi firms from the train and none had availability. Cos rural/ stretched. Uber also nonexistent here.

I then rang one of my friends - she is often quite self-absorbed but also always generous- she dropped everything and came straight away to pick me up. I love her for that - being there when needed.

So I understand how you feel let down and like the family support isn't really there.

Nanny0gg · 04/11/2023 20:29

halloweenhalfterm · 04/11/2023 20:08

I wouldn't go and get an adult man who could have got a taxi home at late night.

Maybe you should learn to drive OP?

Why do pp always assume that 'learning to drive' is always possible?

halloweenhalfterm · 04/11/2023 20:33

@Nanny0gg I didn't assume it was possible. I said Maybe you should - maybe = if you can, it might be possible, can you possibly learn to

I would not be pulling my car out late at night to go and get my brother's wife when he and she are adults and need to sort their own lives - if she doesn't drive, or he doesn't drive, and he is anxious - then they need backups in place.

Flyingsaucery · 04/11/2023 20:36

That was mean of them. Keep your distance.

Catsmere · 04/11/2023 20:47

OP has repeatedly been asked if she can drive, or learn to. It’s one of numerous reasonable questions she won’t answer.

If DP has such debilitating anxiety he can’t call a cab or, presumably, talk to the other passengers, was he at work? Why was he out when all the travel advice said to stay off the trains?

halloweenhalfterm · 04/11/2023 20:51

Why couldn't the op get a cab from the city to the train to pick up her partner?

socialdilemmawhattodo · 04/11/2023 20:57

Dowhadiddydiddydum · 03/11/2023 07:25

Well op if they literally just didn’t help because they didn’t want to then you know where you stand and you know what response to give when they need help.

My husband once got stranded at a train station 20 mins drive away. People say walk….we’ll he actually did but it was a stupid decision because it was a walk along country roads at night between 2 small towns. He’s lucky he didn’t get hit by a car. 40 minutes doesn’t sound like it would be a long walk but it does depend on location. If one side of a city to another then it’s doable, if across rural country lanes with no path and no lighting it is a different matter.

My ex had to do that one evening. Snowy conditions. He walked 6 miles. We also live in a village about 15-20mins car drive from the local main station. Normally if he was late and I was at home I would go out and collect. But after the DC came far less keen to do so, and not in snow. Often no pavements. Pitch dark in the country. But yes we wouldnt have called other friends or family to help in those circumstances.

Supersimkin2 · 04/11/2023 21:01

That’s not an emergency but….

OP, your family are mean.

Goodnessmexxxx · 04/11/2023 21:03

OP its shit no one helped you, but do any of them have children? Or what time of the day was it, did they have school the next morning? If it was an evening, and a family member asked me to help their partner who was stranded at a station, I would have to say no as I would be getting my children in bed.

Gingernan · 04/11/2023 21:04

If the weather was terrible people might ha e been wise not to go out, nasty though it is to be stranded. I wouldn't expect anyone to to do it for me. It's true once you are away from the city taxis are hard to find when you need them.

Catsmere · 04/11/2023 21:07

OP has not once said what her family said, or what any of them were doing. She says “couldn’t be arsed” and no more. Could be they had things to do which took higher priority than her DP being stuck with dozens, or more, people at a railway station.

(General question, do Scotrail turf passengers off the train in those circumstances?)

SistaPB · 04/11/2023 21:09

If OP was as unclear to their family/friends about this “emergency” as they’ve been in this thread then I’m not surprised nobody helped. They probably didn’t have a bloomin’ clue who needed help or where/why.

I got to about page 8 and still didn’t understand who needed rescuing, what time it was or why she couldn’t help herself 🤷‍♀️

I’d probably help a close family member or friend if they were truly stranded but it would depend what time, whether I’d had a glass of wine and whether my husband was at home also to be with the kids.

RantyAnty · 04/11/2023 21:22

You've still left out a lot of detail. What time was this? You said last night. Was he out at the pub and got stranded late at night?

You mentioned he has anxiety. He managed somehow to get to where he was.

Kassalah · 04/11/2023 21:34

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:20

Yeah @justalittlesnoel in my case there would have been a high chance I'd had a wine but my family don't really drink.

It sounds like they probably do - that would explain why they couldn't help on this occasion.

nonevernotever · 04/11/2023 21:37

Yanbu. My DH was caught up in the same issue. Fault developed about 5pm. Was finaNo trains for hours and then only one going part of the way to bathgate via Airdrie. No replacement buses. (ScotRail told passengers they should make alternative arrangements). Queue at the bus station in Glasgow went from there down to the train station and back again. Taxis were unfindable. We don't have a car, but as soon as both my sister and my eldest niece heard they each offered to go and fetch him. He got as far as bathgate but they would both have gone all the way to Glasgow if they had to.

nonevernotever · 04/11/2023 21:40

Oh and yes ScotRail did turf passengers off trains at stations, we're talking many hundreds of passengers not a few dozen. No information available for hours, just more and more trains being cancelled. And I don't know about the op, but yes I can drive even though we don't own a car .

Mandoidi · 04/11/2023 21:44

Are you being unreasonable?

We don't know.
We can't tell.

I hope you find a way to resolve how you are feel towards your family though.

Pherian · 04/11/2023 21:45

I don't know you and I would of helped. It's odd your family didn't help.

Teenagehorrorbag · 04/11/2023 21:46

Totally sympathise. People don't realise, but taxis are not always the easily available ubers that big towns seem to take for granted. We live in a small town in Wiltshire and you have to book weeks in advance! I'm supposed to have one to take my kids to school but the council can't find any so I do it and they pay me a petrol allowance. Goodness knows what they would do if I got a different job or lost my licence.....

Went away with my sisters to an AirBNB last year, and we booked a meal out for the saturday night. My sisters both live in bigger towns/cities. I did say we might not get a taxi for the meal but they were confident we'd be fine - got there and found there was absolutely zero chance!! (Cancelled the meal and had spag bol and wine at 'home'. Felt bad for the pub we'd booked though).

I do think that's really mean of your family. If they are local they know how tricky it is to get a taxi. And if they hadn't had a drink or were out doing something else, you'd hope someone would help out. Glad you partner got home in the end, but yes - I would feel differently about helping them another time......

whowhy · 04/11/2023 21:50

Is your DH an adult man with a phone OP?

Why didn't he just phone ahead and get a taxi? What does it have to do with your family and other people? Why did you have to go get him in a taxi, rather than just sending the taxi to the station in the first place? What a palaver.

holamums · 04/11/2023 21:50

Everyone is different, my husband would probably just set off walking or running without even telling anyone, lol. I would like to think someone would help me in that situation as I wouldn't think twice about doing a 40 min trip to help someone out if I could! Maybe they thought you would be alright, which it sounds as though everything was in the end so I wouldn't hold it against them. X

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