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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that no one would help

756 replies

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 06:55

Emergency last night and I needed someone to drive a forty minute round trip. That's all. Never asked for this or any favour really before. I offered to pay. No one would help. Not my mum, siblings. One friend would have but she's on holiday. Got a taxi in the end but it was sheer luck one turned up as it's not a well covered part of the country.

Feel really alone right now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Parpadew · 03/11/2023 11:58

What extra annoys me is that all my family are the kind to say "oh you should have CALLED I would have picked you up!! Why didn't you say???" when hearing about a problem afterwards.

Yeah he could have sorted it himself but I was worried his phone would die plus he has quite debilitating anxiety sometimes so I wanted to help.

OP posts:
cardibach · 03/11/2023 12:00

@CharlotteBog here you go. A screenshot of two of the OP’s posts, one showing she was in the city at home not on the train and one referring to her partner as ‘he’ when saying her family like him in response to a poster asking if dislike was a reason they wouldn’t pick him up. You may need to view them 8n context to be completely convinced, but it’s a good idea to read at least the OP’s posts before telling everyone else they have got it wrong.

To be sad that no one would help
Shoxfordian · 03/11/2023 12:03

I didn't realise it was your partner not you op, how long have you been together? Why can't a grown man call a cab or his own friends to collect him?

FloweryName · 03/11/2023 12:04

Your family not helping your partner doesn’t mean they wouldn’t help you.

The fact that you can’t answer simple questions shows you must be being unreasonable because you only want to give the information you think matters, even though much more context is needed to make fair judgments.

BotanicalNames · 03/11/2023 12:06

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 11:58

What extra annoys me is that all my family are the kind to say "oh you should have CALLED I would have picked you up!! Why didn't you say???" when hearing about a problem afterwards.

Yeah he could have sorted it himself but I was worried his phone would die plus he has quite debilitating anxiety sometimes so I wanted to help.

Is there any extra context - like what time was this? Does your sister have children she was looking after? Does your mum not like driving in the dark? etc. Do they know your partner wouldn't be able to sort this themselves due to their anxiety - if not I can see why people didn't really see this as the emergency that you saw it as..

creativegoblin · 03/11/2023 12:10

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 11:58

What extra annoys me is that all my family are the kind to say "oh you should have CALLED I would have picked you up!! Why didn't you say???" when hearing about a problem afterwards.

Yeah he could have sorted it himself but I was worried his phone would die plus he has quite debilitating anxiety sometimes so I wanted to help.

Lol. So your partner just didn't bother because you were "worried" his phone would die ? Did it die? So strange that he didn't try to get himself home in some way.

EmmaEmerald · 03/11/2023 12:10

Shoxfordian · 03/11/2023 12:03

I didn't realise it was your partner not you op, how long have you been together? Why can't a grown man call a cab or his own friends to collect him?

Sounds like the trains were down so no cabs.

Testina · 03/11/2023 12:10

So did you call them @Parpadew ?

And why haven’t you told them how you feel, instead of passively griping on here that your sister probably won’t even notice your relationship with her is affected?

And why is your sister more at fault than the rest of your family?

ElevenSeven · 03/11/2023 12:11

Yeah he could have sorted it himself but I was worried his phone would die plus he has quite debilitating anxiety sometimes so I wanted to help.

But your ‘help’ was actually asking others to help. Did you ring any taxi firms in your city to see if they could go from there? Do you have a licence and just not a car? Could you have hired a car to collect him if it was such an emergency?

Vettrianofan · 03/11/2023 12:13

Edinburgh to Ratho/Newbridge is my guess where it's not the safest to walk. I wouldn't!

Shoxfordian · 03/11/2023 12:14

I think the op got one eventually- it's all a little vague though

Vettrianofan · 03/11/2023 12:15

Loads of rural areas on the outskirts of Edinburgh I wouldn't walk alone at night in male or female.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/11/2023 12:20

You missed a bizarrely high number of key details out of the op, op. Almost as if you just wanted everyone to agree with you. Which of course would be a completely pointless waste of time for both you and us, given a presented half a side of a story.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/11/2023 12:24

Does he not have any friends or family he could have asked op?

ChristmasPuddingFace · 03/11/2023 12:24

I doubt you're helping his anxiety by doing things for him when he maybe needs to learn to cope better himself.

If the everyone on the train had to leave and was on the platform, surely he could have shared a taxi? People usually help each other out when this happens.

ChristmasPuddingFace · 03/11/2023 12:26

TomatoSandwiches · 03/11/2023 12:24

Does he not have any friends or family he could have asked op?

To be fair, if you are stuck somewhere, you would normally call your partner assuming you live together and aren't just 'dating'.

BUT given she doesn't have a car, what did he expect her to be able to do other than ask her own family?

Valid8me · 03/11/2023 12:27

OP has already said she doesn't have a car so couldn't go, taxis are not always readily available (even in cities!), her DP may not live any where near his friends/family, he wasn't expecting to get left at a random rural station so hadn't planned the journey home from there etc etc

I'm glad that most people on this thread are not my friends and family. I would go and pick up my siblings DP in such a sitution, if asked, rather than make them wait 5 hours in the cold for a taxi.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/11/2023 12:27

ChristmasPuddingFace · 03/11/2023 12:26

To be fair, if you are stuck somewhere, you would normally call your partner assuming you live together and aren't just 'dating'.

BUT given she doesn't have a car, what did he expect her to be able to do other than ask her own family?

Show quote history

Yes he seems quite helpless, perhaps it would be best for op to not be so freely available in every situation.

ManchesterLu · 03/11/2023 12:28

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:09

Context is rescuing someone from being stuck overnight at a train station after the breakdown yesterday. Small village so no public transport or hotels.

I'd do a 40 min round trip for almost anyone in my family in this situation. Or if I couldn't, I would offer to pay for a taxi for them. Could you not have done this?

Blah12345678999 · 03/11/2023 12:31

I can’t drive so I wouldn’t have been able to do the journey myself in that situation. However thinking about a friend, sibling, parent etc being in that situation I can’t help but think I’d be going out of my way trying to sort out a taxi for them if they were struggling with taxi availability especially during a horrible storm! I Just don’t think I’d feel comfortable knowing they’d be out there on their own trying to sort out some way to get home tbh!

arethereanyleftatall · 03/11/2023 12:31

I would suggest that if an adult has such debilitating anxieties that they are unable to use their phone to call a friend who can drive, and unable to call a cab should the need arise; then they put steps in place before they set off on a journey on their own. Something as simple as carrying a back up phone battery for example.

BlurredEdges · 03/11/2023 12:33

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 08:26

No @Flipdiddle I don't deny anything. Evidently I'm not that important to them! That's why I'm sad. It's only going to get worse as we get older and more vulnerable.

Edited

As you get older and more vulnerable?

So are you already quite advanced in years?

But you asked your mother to drive out into the middle of nowhere, in terrible weather, to collect your adult boyfriend?

How old is your mum?

Blah12345678999 · 03/11/2023 12:33

Apologies I’ve only read the OP’s initial posting so might have missed out on some later details!!

BlurredEdges · 03/11/2023 12:34

Blah12345678999 · 03/11/2023 12:33

Apologies I’ve only read the OP’s initial posting so might have missed out on some later details!!

Yes, in this case the later details are pretty significant

Imagwine · 03/11/2023 12:34

I’m so pleased that my family aren’t like the majority that seems to be on here. We help each other without questioning it and nobody takes unfair advantage either.

It’s not super complicated to work out the story if you read all the ops posts. I despair at the intelligence levels of a lot of posters. So much misinterpretation.

Op, well done for not rising to people more. I’m annoyed at many posters on your behalf who just don’t get the picture, and disappointed at the meanest of others, who won’t put themselves out even tiny bit.