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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that no one would help

756 replies

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 06:55

Emergency last night and I needed someone to drive a forty minute round trip. That's all. Never asked for this or any favour really before. I offered to pay. No one would help. Not my mum, siblings. One friend would have but she's on holiday. Got a taxi in the end but it was sheer luck one turned up as it's not a well covered part of the country.

Feel really alone right now!

OP posts:
Startagainjanuary · 03/11/2023 08:53

I would tell your partner your family did not want to pick him up and let him deal with it. You may have had a different response if it was you stuck there. He is an adult it’s up to him to decide how he feels about your family not wanting to help him.

Shinyandnew1 · 03/11/2023 08:54

If you don’t have brilliant relations with your family (we don’t know why, but it’s not sounding great) then I would be learning to drive and getting a car as a priority-then you won’t have to ask anyone for lifts and can collect your boyfriend in future at night if he needs a lift,

Highlandsprocker · 03/11/2023 08:54

Stilldigging · 03/11/2023 08:50

I get that your family haven't been great, but it seems odd to me that you have focused on this as an issue between you and them. You say your DP was stranded, so who did he ask to come and get him? Does he not have friends or family he could ask? Presumably he knows you couldn't, so surely he needed to sort out getting home, rather than it being yours and your families responsibility?

I think this is the crux of it.
It wasn't Op who was stranded but her partner.
Presumably he's an adult so why is Op sorting things out.
I really dislike the " asking for a friend" type favours.
It's a bit PA to be annoyed when it's nothing to do with your Dsis.
A taxi was found so its all a drama about nothing.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 03/11/2023 08:55

Imagwine · 03/11/2023 08:48

Shes given all the relevant info and people are getting it wrong left, right and centre. I’m not surprised she’s getting shirty.

Show quote history

I think the general confusion on this thread makes it very clear that she hasn’t given all the relevant info.

She hasn’t yet explained why, if she’s in a city, it took her five hours to get a taxi last night to go to rescue her stranded partner.

curtaintwitchersannonymous · 03/11/2023 08:55

from total lack of information from OP, I am assuming it was an adult in a sheltered and safe position, because they called it an "emergency" in their first post, and now don't want to admit that it was merely an "inconvenience"

Passepartoute · 03/11/2023 08:55

00100001 · 03/11/2023 07:28

Why couldn't they get a taxi?

Show quote history

OP has explained that more than once.

CrimpleFimply · 03/11/2023 08:56

Imagwine · 03/11/2023 08:48

Shes given all the relevant info and people are getting it wrong left, right and centre. I’m not surprised she’s getting shirty.

Show quote history

She has left out lots of relevant info. Like what time it was, why her DP wasn't ringing round their own family or friends to try and get a lift?

Or what DP even means.

"Hi sister/Mum, can you drive a 40 min round trip to pick up my new boyfriend you've met a couple of times who was coming to visit" is different to "can you pick up Dave, my partner you know well who I live with".

LittleMonks11 · 03/11/2023 08:56

Ok. I'm revising my opinion after a reread. I think you must have had a drink so couldn't drive to collect him yourself. Or you don't have a car. It took you 5 hours to get a taxi for him as there was such high demand due to the huge breakdown on the railway. You asked around your family for someone to fetch him. They all said no. You think they had no reason to say no other than can't be bothered - you and DP are on your own. If that's true then YANBU to be a bit upset about it. Whether it's the end of your relationship with DS or not depends on what else has been going on. I hope you feel better and can make sense of your feelings about your family over the weekend. I'd be interested to hear your DP's take on it all.

RampantIvy · 03/11/2023 08:56

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/11/2023 08:34

Yes, but the OP has drip fed further details about the fact that she is actually in a city and not in the back end of nowhere as previously implied. And given that her dsis could have apparently picked up dp, dropped him home and then driven home all within a 40 minute window, he obviously isn't that far from the city either, so all the references to very rural locations where no taxis are available seem a bit irrelevant.

In light of the above, "just get a taxi" seems a fairly reasonable response.

Show quote history

I'm only 20 minutes from town, but getting a taxi round here is frustratingly difficult. Most of the drivers have gone over to Uber who won't come out as far as our village. The taxi firms who remain prefer to do bigger drives like airport transfers.

Stroopwaffels · 03/11/2023 08:57

but in any case irrelevant, you surely set off on a train journey with a plan on how to get home from the station

Indeed. But if you are on a train from - for example - Inverness to Aberdeen, and the train terminated unexpectedly at Inverurie because of a signal failure / flood / other emergency, what's your plan? There are no taxis available for 5 hours. No hotels. You don't know the local area. There is no fecking Uber. It's a 12 mile walk along unlit A-roads.

Now what's your plan?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 03/11/2023 08:57

Some of the responses about taxis, walking, staying at the station are just daft. Have we all just forgotten all of a sudden about how vulnerable especially women can feel and are at times, alone, at night in an area away from home.

See what I mean about general confusion? Where does it say that the OP’s partner is a woman?

Dery · 03/11/2023 08:58

@Parpadew - in your shoes, I would also have been very upset and it’s very odd that no-one would help you. Sorry you had such a hurtful experience.

CrimpleFimply · 03/11/2023 08:58

Beautiful3 · 03/11/2023 08:52

I'm sorry that happened to you. It takes an emergency to show people's true colours. I honestly don't know how you're going to continue a good relationship with your sister and parents, when they didn't want to collect you 20 minutes away?! Just shows what they think of you. I'd be very hurt and would change how I treat them, no more favours. At least you know where you stand now.

You haven't read the posts. It wasn't the OP who was stranded. It's someone she describes as her DP, without giving much context about that or why it was OPs family she was expecting to collect him.

Zimunya · 03/11/2023 08:59

SaltyGod · 03/11/2023 08:20

@Itwasafterallallaboutme

Let me help if it doesn’t make sense:

But if for some genuine reason the rail company could not supply alternative transport:

  • the entire main cross country line went down. There is absolutely no way the train company could or would provide alternative transport for the thousands of people stuck

why couldn't they phone for a taxi:

  • because some areas do no have taxis. Or they have one, or they have one small firm. But with hundreds of people stuck, all over the area, those taxis would be busy all night. The line went down at 4.30/5pm, peak time

If all of the above is impossible, then shouldn't the passengers have been told to stay on board the train, and if it was a "catered" train, shouldnt they have been at least offered water, a hot drink, and maybe even a roll?

  • the trains kick you off, you can’t stay on
  • there is no catering
  • the small stations have no buses, or taxis, or ride sharing, or hotels

You need to simply imagine a tiny rural station, two platforms and a car park. And then add 200 people stranded. Then multiply that by every rural station and train that was travelling that night.

Thats why she just needed someone to drive 20 mins there and back to help. It’s a totally normal thing to ask for, and do, in these rare circumstances (probably happens twice a year to my DH)

This whole thread just doesn't make sense to me...

  • hope this helps
Edited

Lovely summary@SaltyGod! I don't know why I'm still surprised by the complete inability of some posters to envisage a scenario that doesn't totally fit their own life experience. I appreciate that others may have had other experiences, but in my experience, train companies will happily dump you in the middle of nowhere with neither help nor explanation.

OP, you are not unreasonable to be upset, and for what it's worth, I would definitely drive 20 mins there and back to a station to help someone in need, and it wouldn't even have to be a family member. I'm sorry you weren't offered more help.

PetsAreBetter · 03/11/2023 08:59

Stroopwaffels · 03/11/2023 08:57

but in any case irrelevant, you surely set off on a train journey with a plan on how to get home from the station

Indeed. But if you are on a train from - for example - Inverness to Aberdeen, and the train terminated unexpectedly at Inverurie because of a signal failure / flood / other emergency, what's your plan? There are no taxis available for 5 hours. No hotels. You don't know the local area. There is no fecking Uber. It's a 12 mile walk along unlit A-roads.

Now what's your plan?

If the train is stuck there and I can't get home, my plan would be to stay sheltered on the train till the problem is either sorted, find alternative transport, or someone can come get me in the morning if the other two fail.

Ellie1015 · 03/11/2023 09:00

Yanbu. I would help friend or family in this situation, it would definitely make me rethink the relationship if my family didn't help me and it took 5 hours to arrange a taxi. Fair enough if unable (ie had alcohol, or car out of action) to help but that does not seem the case here.

Passepartoute · 03/11/2023 09:00

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/11/2023 07:34

I would have helped if no taxis available, of course. But I wonder if there is a back story here... what's the reason why you can't drive, OP?

Maybe she didn't have her car conveniently waiting for her at the station in question?

Beautiful3 · 03/11/2023 09:00

I'm confused op. Were you stranded or your boyfriend? If it was your boyfriend, then that's different. Your family don't have a responsibility to collect him. Also why didn't you collect him?

BibbleandSqwauk · 03/11/2023 09:00

@MarmitePizza I clarified in a later post I was wrong on that detail. But I think the fact you quoted my whole long post and only commented on the partner / OP thing and said nothing about my wider point is interesting and rather leans into what I'm saying. What the op is asking is "would you feel sad if you really needed a hand and everyone said no without a decent reason". And apparently the answer is no, we should all be 100% self sufficient, zombie-apocalypse ready at all times and anything less is on you". Which I find really sad and depressing. But most posters seem to be having loads of fun being an arse about precise details which aren't really relevant.
And yes I think "just get a taxi" is the new "cancel the cheque".

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 03/11/2023 09:01

Stroopwaffels · 03/11/2023 08:57

but in any case irrelevant, you surely set off on a train journey with a plan on how to get home from the station

Indeed. But if you are on a train from - for example - Inverness to Aberdeen, and the train terminated unexpectedly at Inverurie because of a signal failure / flood / other emergency, what's your plan? There are no taxis available for 5 hours. No hotels. You don't know the local area. There is no fecking Uber. It's a 12 mile walk along unlit A-roads.

Now what's your plan?

I call those people I know well to see if anyone is able to pick me up. If they can’t, I wait where I am in the station until I can get transport to where I need to be.

ChristmasPuddingFace · 03/11/2023 09:01

I've only read the first and last few posts but....

I assumed that YOU were the one stranded, yet it seems to have been your partner.

If that's right, why didn't you drive to pick them up?

Or order a taxi for them?

Shinyandnew1 · 03/11/2023 09:01

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:30

I will just conclude by saying this has permanently damaged my relationship with my sister in particular. I don't know if she will realise it but... If you care about your family don't abandon them when they ask for your help (especially if they absolutely never usually ask).

Why?

Why is this mainly your sister’s fault and not your mum or other siblings?

Have you passed your test/taking driving lessons yourself?

Mumof118 · 03/11/2023 09:02

Greenberg2 · 03/11/2023 08:48

Wouldn't you have said that though? Would you have said I don't want to? Also, if it's a relative, don't you think you'd know if the other person was a nervous driver, didn't drive at night, only drove to work etc?

Show quote history

But in this case, no I don’t know. Because op is being extremely vague.

And because she is annoyed, perhaps she is forgetting to look at the context surrounding her family. Would she tell us the reasons her family couldn’t or didn’t want to help?

If she had posted for example:
My husband went on a stag to Edinburgh and the train home broke down. My sister who has three toddlers wouldn’t pick him up, and my mum who is diabetic and had a turn earlier in the day couldn’t either. I can’t drive and in the end had to pay £200 to get him collected by taxi! I hate them. AIBU?
Then the responses would be totally different.

There is a whole gradient of possibilities here, that could make the op reasonable or unreasonable. But unless we get the explicit context, then we don’t know and are only choosing to assume one way or the other.

BibbleandSqwauk · 03/11/2023 09:02

@Beautiful3 on p10 do you think maybe it's worth reading all the ops posts first? She doesn't drive.

Laiste · 03/11/2023 09:02

@SaltyGod your summery is very good.

If the OP had said it all like that in her opening post i'm sure this thread would have been a lot different (and a lot shorter).