Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that no one would help

756 replies

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 06:55

Emergency last night and I needed someone to drive a forty minute round trip. That's all. Never asked for this or any favour really before. I offered to pay. No one would help. Not my mum, siblings. One friend would have but she's on holiday. Got a taxi in the end but it was sheer luck one turned up as it's not a well covered part of the country.

Feel really alone right now!

OP posts:
Passepartoute · 03/11/2023 09:03

00100001 · 03/11/2023 07:29

But you got a taxi?

Show quote history

After five hours, and by sheer chance.

Shinyandnew1 · 03/11/2023 09:03

Passepartoute · 03/11/2023 09:00

Maybe she didn't have her car conveniently waiting for her at the station in question?

Show quote history

For the hundredth time for those who haven’t bothered to read all the posts, the OP wasn’t stranded at the station!

CrimpleFimply · 03/11/2023 09:04

Whateverfuckingnext · 03/11/2023 08:53

I'm not sure why you're getting so many shitty responses from people? So many martys on here who wouldn't possibly dream of asking family and friends for help. Whilst over here in the real world that's a perfectly normal and reasonable thing too do.

If it were me and someone I care about I would 100% have done the drive. Wouldn't even be a question and, I'd fully expect a family member to do the same for me. YANBU at all to be upset.

Some of the responses about taxis, walking, staying at the station are just daft. Have we all just forgotten all of a sudden about how vulnerable especially women can feel and are at times, alone, at night in an area away from home. Plus, not everyone has spare cash for taxis, they aren't exactly cheap!

But it wasn't, you haven't read OPs posts. It wasn't the OP that was stranded, it was someone she describes as her DP who is male, and somehow the onus was being put on OPs family and friends to go and pick him up.

But OP has left out lots of information, like what time it was how long she's known this DP and why it was OPs family and friends that were being asked to pick him up.

Deathbyfluffy · 03/11/2023 09:04

runningpram · 03/11/2023 07:49

A 40 min walk on dark roads without pavements in the pouring rain is really dangerous

Even worse, it’s a 40 minute drive - so several hours walk.

ChristmasPuddingFace · 03/11/2023 09:05

But if you live in a city and the journey to the station is 20 minutes, surely taxis go there often?

People who use that station must take taxis a lot.

Your option was to call one of the (many?) taxi firms in your city and ask them to go to the station.

I agree it was unkind of your family not to offer to pick your partner up but on the other hand I don't believe there were no other options.

ChristmasPuddingFace · 03/11/2023 09:06

Even worse, it’s a 40 minute drive - so several hours walk.

Read, read, read!

It's a 40 min round trip.

Caterina99 · 03/11/2023 09:07

I live in a rural area. 20 min drive from the nearest town, which has a train station. About 10 miles away. taxi would be extremely unlikely.

Absolutely my family (and neighbours) would drive into town at night to pick up someone stranded for whatever reason. As DH and I would do for them. No way would anyone be expected to walk home 10 miles on dangerous country roads in the dark!

However that doesn’t really sound like what’s happened here. Would I go out on a horrible night to help an adult that could probably just get themselves home? It does depend! I definitely get it trains can leave you stranded at random stations, but where are the other passengers? No one going to the city in 5 hours? No taxi that can come out from the city? So I’m not sure OP, although most likely one of my family would pick you/him up and probably another few people at that station too!

Shinyandnew1 · 03/11/2023 09:07

BibbleandSqwauk · 03/11/2023 09:02

@Beautiful3 on p10 do you think maybe it's worth reading all the ops posts first? She doesn't drive.

She says that she doesn’t have a car. She might well be able to drive.

Either way, it would be sensible if she was driving and insured on a car asap, so that she can offer to go out and get her boyfriend at night in future herself.

evilharpy · 03/11/2023 09:07

A 20 minute drive each way is nothing but the equivalent walk could take hours. I'd do this for family or friends no bother. Really surprised at some of the responses you've had.

Brefugee · 03/11/2023 09:08

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:28

The "scenario makes no sense" thing shows how often you get the train!

MN posters can be intentionally pig-headed about stuff like this.

I would, and have in the past, gone much further than that to help someone out in similar scenarios. (where i live it's an hour walk from the station, mostly along a no-footpath no-lighting country road. We have no taxis after and no public transport after 6:30pm and none at weekends. Most people are pretty helpful to friends, family and neighbours when it's desperate)

Floatlikeafeather2 · 03/11/2023 09:08

The lack of imagination shown in some of the replies on this thread is shocking. The lack of empathy is shocking. Some of the replies make people look very stupid indeed. Next time you reply, think a bit first - not everyone is in exactly the situation as you. Not everyone is from your family, not everyone lives in the same part of the country, not everyone lives in your town, not everyone has the amenities that you have available to you, not everyone lives in your street, not everyone lives in your house, not everyone is you. Open up your mind. All your " Well, I would have.....". No you wouldn't! Not in this particular situation, because you've never been in it and you are obviously totally incapable of imagining being in it. Empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. If you can't, why are you replying?

MarmitePizza · 03/11/2023 09:09

BibbleandSqwauk · 03/11/2023 09:00

@MarmitePizza I clarified in a later post I was wrong on that detail. But I think the fact you quoted my whole long post and only commented on the partner / OP thing and said nothing about my wider point is interesting and rather leans into what I'm saying. What the op is asking is "would you feel sad if you really needed a hand and everyone said no without a decent reason". And apparently the answer is no, we should all be 100% self sufficient, zombie-apocalypse ready at all times and anything less is on you". Which I find really sad and depressing. But most posters seem to be having loads of fun being an arse about precise details which aren't really relevant.
And yes I think "just get a taxi" is the new "cancel the cheque".

In all honesty, I don’t know how to quote just a section of a post and make it appear as a quote, so can only quote the whole thing!

I don’t think it was an unreasonable thing for OP to ask, but unfortunately the way she has posted about it, being so vague and confusing has led to a) people not being sympathetic as it’s irritating and b) people filling in the blanks in their mind and then acting as if this is what the OP said (which is what happened in your case).

You were sort of telling people off for not reading the OPs properly when in fact you had made up that info and it was not correct.

But yes, you have corrected that now - it’s a fast-moving thread.

yellowlane · 03/11/2023 09:09

I'd have picked my sister, parents, friend, colleague, acquaintance up if something else (other than sheer laziness and selfishness prevented me). I know that if I asked for help on a family WhatsApp I'd have multiple offers of help (they'd prob argue between who was doing it). But we are that type of family and I'm always helping others out

woopdedoodle · 03/11/2023 09:11

what happened to the rest of the passengers stranded by train failure at a rural station?

I know missing the point...

burnoutbabe · 03/11/2023 09:11

BoothsChristmasBook · 03/11/2023 08:19

So the OP lives in a city, her new boyfriend was stuck at a train station just 20 mins out of this city and the OP had to do a round trip to "rescue" him.

Fucking hell, why didn't he just get a taxi on his own, or better still, share with one of the "thousands" of other stranded people? Would've saved you a trip and a load of earache for your family

Yes surely there were tons of other people also at "nowhere station" who wanted to get to big city?

So lots of people to contact people to get them into city or taxis? (From big city?)

almondseagull · 03/11/2023 09:11

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:15

As above, no taxis. You'd let your partner sleep on a train (or platform if the staff leave) without asking for help? Ok ...

The weather was ok where the issue arose (no warning).

so how did you get there without taxis?

museumum · 03/11/2023 09:12

For those who just cannot work out why there would be no taxis - last night all trains in and out of Edinburgh were off due to power failure. That’s a bit like Waterloo or Paddington closing down and people saying “surely you just get a taxi”. A five hour wait for a taxi sounds about right. The queues for buses in glasgow were snaking round the block and the number of people trying to get from glasgow to edinburgh far far more than the capacity of all buses making that trip. Those stuck in the wrong city could get a hotel but those stuck in between at small rural platforms could not.

housethatbuiltme · 03/11/2023 09:12

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:09

Context is rescuing someone from being stuck overnight at a train station after the breakdown yesterday. Small village so no public transport or hotels.

Why on earth did you have to make a round trip to get them?

They are independent enough to get the train so why couldn't they get a taxi to you?

If you got a taxi there then so could they.

I have been stranded at train stations in the middle of nowhere several times (live rural, up the mountains and couldn't drive) when younger. If its due to the train breaking down or line being impassable etc... (not just missing the last train or so) then the company has to provide a replacement service (usually a ridiculously long boring soul crushing bus ride).

I would NOT ask someone in my current position (3 young children) to come out at night, in a storm and do a 40 minute round trip (plus their time to get to you, plus any diversions etc...).

It was a big ask and honestly it isn't the 'emergency' you seem to think it is.

ChristmasPuddingFace · 03/11/2023 09:12

Usually in scenarios like this, stranded passengers share taxis or pick-ups.

There must have been a lot of others waiting if the train had stopped and everyone had to get off it.

He can't have been there alone and people tend to 'bond' and offer to help each other out, especially when it's a bit of an emergency like this.

I wonder if he approached anyone and asked for a taxi share?

HelloItsMeHowAreYou · 03/11/2023 09:13

MumblesParty · 03/11/2023 08:31

OP you’ve asked if you’re justified to feel as you do, but you won’t tell us what actually happened, who was stranded, what the circumstances were. If you were similarly (and annoyingly) vague to the people who you asked for help, it’s highly likely they didn’t know what you were on about. There’ll be a huge backstory here, there usually is. YABU.

OP has given enough info to judge surely?

She asked for someone to pick up someone close to her, no one would. Everyone of her family and friends said no. What else can she/he say? Would it be more helpful to know if he was a husband/son/friend? I doubt he was a criminal just let out of prison.

She asked for help and everyone said No.

WhatWindyWeather · 03/11/2023 09:13

If it was your DP that was stranded, rather than you, why were you the one having to ask your friends for lifts, rather than him asking his friends? Also, does your DP live with you? If he was stranded at a small country station and trains were still running in the other direction, did your family feel that he had the option of getting a train back to his home rather than coming to see you for the night?

Taxbreaks · 03/11/2023 09:13

Laiste · 03/11/2023 09:02

@SaltyGod your summery is very good.

If the OP had said it all like that in her opening post i'm sure this thread would have been a lot different (and a lot shorter).

I'm not sure the thread would be any shorter. The forty minute 'round trip' seems to have exceeded comprehension, as does the concept of a rural station that might consist of a single platform with no ticket office.
It would be wonderful to think that, empathising with someone's painful experience, posters would be more inclined to agree to a similar request if it was received this evening, but it doesn't look like that's the case.

RampantIvy · 03/11/2023 09:13

@housethatbuiltme read the OP's updates!

housethatbuiltme · 03/11/2023 09:15

HelloItsMeHowAreYou · 03/11/2023 09:13

OP has given enough info to judge surely?

She asked for someone to pick up someone close to her, no one would. Everyone of her family and friends said no. What else can she/he say? Would it be more helpful to know if he was a husband/son/friend? I doubt he was a criminal just let out of prison.

She asked for help and everyone said No.

Show quote history

Unless its a young child or someone who not safe to be alone (in which case they shouldn't be traveling alone at night) then its not an emergency regardless of who it is.

ChristmasPuddingFace · 03/11/2023 09:15

@housethatbuiltme The train company can provide a bus to the next station (or that direction) but not necessarily where someone needs to go. They are supposed to try to get you to your destination but that doesn't mean a detour to surrounding towns or villages.