To think class rep is being homophobic?

[fuckedoffandworried]

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

If the point is to socialise, what’s the plan for parents who already know each other from older siblings classes, nursery school or live on the same street?

Perhaps everyone could submit a detailed social and sexual history to help with the logistics. Will there be a seating plan?

Should single mums with no ex or co-parent on the scene attend the dads’ event also, as they’re effectively both mum and dad? Any dads in the same boat? They better come to the mums’ night so.

So many questions that need answers.

If I was them we would both go to both or each go to which ever we want to. We are both mum and both dad, and other parents likewise go to whichever they want or can get to. It's unfortunate a good idea to get parents together gets bogged down in these things. I don't think it's homophobic just thoughtless.

What are you going on about? Have you just not bothered reading the OP?

Ohhh ok I thought a class rep was a student of the class elected by the teacher and other students to represent the class, like class president.

Not a PTA thing.

Not homophobic. Get a grip.

oh we all know things with partners is a completely different dynamic to coming on your own.**

Again TOTALLY missing the point. Do you honestly think not one of the other what, 30 mums, who's children has been going to the same school for at least a year has any connection with any of the other mums going? And frankly if one couple makes such a difference to such a large group then there's something wrong with the way they're socialising!

Setting up a group event and then not allowing someone to go because they are gay is homophobic.

Ok- how is it not homophobic?

Ah, we found that person.

Why would a kid set up a WhatsApp group for the parents

They are both the actual mum though aren’t they.

That's what I was thinking, I was thinking what sort of parasocial shit is going on here and was completely confused for a mo

Which 'actual mum' would you mean?

Do you mean if a sperm donor was used they should be invited?!

What about children who are adopted should their biological parents be traced and invited?

Give your head a wobble.

It's awful that they have said outright they are hurt and offended and the event is still going ahead, seemingly with the support from those still attending

I’m assuming when you say “actual” mum you mean the one who gave birth to their DC? As far as I know, none of the other parents have that information. There isn’t an “actual” dad, they’re same sex parents.

They are both invited it's just a bit screwed up as said both go to both or one go to each.

Ahhh fair enough!!

Yeah I'm amazed people are still going along with it

What, so there would be an event for biological mums, then another event for adoptive mums, and another event for step-mums, and another event for single mums, and another for sperm donors, and another for biological dads who live with their children, and another for step-dads, and another for adoptive dads?

Or failing that, they could just have an event for all "parents and carers".

You can't start saying the parents who actually gave birth can go in one group as there are plenty of families where neither parent has given birth

Having separate mums and dads events is so weird anyway. In our class we just have events and some mums and dads come to each. Some families with local grandparents both parents come to everything.

That's before we even get to the kids who live with grandma or grandad, aunties uncles etc.

Totally agree. Just parents and carers. Chances are only one can go anyway as the other will watch the kids

I totally agree with your post. And I'm sorry you've experienced that behaviour. It must be so hurtful as well as tiring putting up with it.

That sort of pigeonholing just makes no sense at all to me. If two women who are partners decide to have children, they are both mothers. It's as simple as that... As a woman ("biological" mother or not) in that position I'd expect to be invited to events for mothers and women. For people to say anything different just baffles me (I suppose I was naive).