To think class rep is being homophobic?

[fuckedoffandworried]

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

Agree with PP that the events should be for any parents. It's up to divorced couples to decide which ones they go to, how about they just take turns FFS. However, that's not the point here.... I feel so sad and cross for the two mums! They are probably wondering how the fuck they're going to handle 7 years at this school now. Can you start a social for any of the non homophobic parents?

Utterly ridiculous comment

@fuckedoffandworried
I think the simplest thing to do would be to post a link to this thread on the whatsapp with the caption YABU

The event was created so that all the female parents can meet and bond with each other- B is being denied access to that opportunity - not only is she not invited, she has been explicitly told she isn’t welcome because she has a female spouse ie, because she is a lesbian.

Further to that, B is not being invited to take part in the group because the class rep has decided (presumably based on her presentation) that she is more like a man, where as A is a more acceptable woman.

This is awful, I’m not surprised neither of the mums are going to socialise with these people and I wouldn’t be going either if I were you. But no, don’t bother the class teacher with this nonsense.

...but they're both "actual" mums...

E.g. what about adoptive mothers in heterosexual relationships? Are you saying they're not "actual" mothers because they didn't carry their baby? I hope not (and I assume you didn't intend to, but hopefully this highlights how odd your comment sounds...)

Both mothers are actual mothers because they are women who carry out a parenting, mothering role. My neighbours are a same sex couple and I'm sure their little girl would look at me as though I'd grown two heads if I asked her which of them was her "actual" mother. To her, they're both her actual "Mum"(s) just as they should be.

Wow I can't believe anyone thought this would be seen as anything other than homophobic. As the school gave organised them yeah definitely get them involved

They are probably both on the child’s birth certificate too.

Yes. This.

Fuck me that’s awful. The class rep is really really wrong. I wonder if they’ve realised they’re wrong and now can’t back track and are trying to save face. But Jesus.
And someone commenting which parents gave birth? Fucking half the parents in the world didn’t actually give birth.

On the same discriminatory topic, please for the love of God (or not) stop this male, female,
'us and them' agenda. The separation of people according to gender should have died out with the mens withdrawing room.

ah okay I get it. You're not like other girls 👍

Well, I agree they shouldn’t go to the class teacher- it should go to the Head.

The school has appointed this person as class rep and have a duty to deal with the ongoing homophobia.

‘They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event. ‘

I’m gay. This is ignorant. Happens to us but only when someone is trying to make a ( homophobic) point…

We’re two women. We are both mothers. One of us isn’t more of a mother or a woman or less of a woman or less of a mother than the other.
It’s not rocket a science - 2 women, 2 mothers. There’s no man, no father, one of us isn’t the man in the relationship.
in fact that’s sort of the whole point of being a lesbian…

Quite.

It is staggering to me that we genuinely have posters who are so spectacularly ignorant that they can’t see the homophobia in someone insisting on essentially designating one same-sex parent as ‘mum’ and the other as ‘dad’, especially when the couple have made quite clear that they absolutely refute the designation and are very offended by it.

And that’s my generous take because, if it’s not a monumental level of ignorance, then I can only assume its hate.

Homophobic yes, although this woman also sounds as thick as mince

Nothing to do with the school.
I hate these groups. I ignore them completely. They are invariably populated and run by cliquey horrors.

This must be a joke. How awful

TBH I fucking hate mums groups anyway. I’d much rather hang with the dads, mums groups are like being back at school. Generally a bunch of women desperate to be friends with the “in” mum(s), it’s fucking depressing . I find school mums groups fucking awful, usually shit boring conversation if I was one of the mums in question I’d be fighting with my partner to go to the blokes event.

@Maatandosiris your internalised misogyny is quite the accompaniment to the homophobia under discussion. Perhaps therapy? On the bright side, you do appear to have found your way to mumsnet, so perhaps not all women are ‘fucking depressing’ and ‘desperate’. Given you are one, let’s hope not.

I’d hate to think I was like most of the school mums I got to know tbh! Much prefer men’s company. The dads were great!

Totally agree! Why do people think the school can solve all their petty squabbles outside school? Parents need to grow up.

Oh thanks for the best laugh in ages!! Internalised misogyny lmfao!! Are you feeling ok hun?????

Im a very proud femanist. Unfortunately many women let the side down on this one!

Any more phrases you’d like to throw my way?

on what account do you think I need therapy😂😂😂. The fact I generally prefer men’s company to women? I’m crying with laughter at your ridiculous post., you’re not on the PTA by any chance are you??

I'm staggered by the ignorance and stupidity of the class rep. Disgraceful behavior