To think class rep is being homophobic?

[fuckedoffandworried]

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

Ffs who could honestly think this is ok? My SILs don’t play mum and dad they are both mothers. Do they pick who goes with the dads based on how they dress, their haircut? It’s ridiculous and really unkind. Would they not expect better behaviour from their own child? The whole set up seems a bit wrong tbh with the separate groups anyway. As a teacher and a mother, whatsapp groups for classes are a nightmare. Always someone trying to stir up trouble. Shame as they can be useful too!

That’s disgusting. Absolutely contact the school.
PTA/ parent council meetings have school staff attending as part of the committee as any events arranged to be held in the school or to raise funds elsewhere will need school approval.
I would be in no rush to be friends with this person.

Every parent should boycott the events, arrange their own more inclusive event and then post photos on the WhatsApp group.

@fuckedoffandworried are you not concerned that A and /or B may be on mumsnet?

?

Actually I can see her point. No one else will have their partners there. Although I think it would have been better to explain it that way and ask for only one to come.

So every parent is forced to participate in events primarily designed for divorcees while the 2 mums have been insulted & made to feel unwelcome. The world in this respect has gone mad. I wouldn't dream of attending their event & neither would DH. I've no idea what the organisers agenda is here but it appears quite toxic.

Bloody hell the whole set up sounds hideous.

You can't be serious!

What? Do you really think its a problem for the partners to go. This is ridiculous.

NO IT ISNT.

The class rep is one of the PARENTS.

WTF!!

FFS it doesnt matter one iota if B is butch, dresses in a feminine way, or gave birth to their child. B is a mother and it is horrendously awful for class rep to lump her in with fathers.

"the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event."

What a crock of shit - why the fuck has class rep decided she and her clique get to be arbitrators of what should be the two women's decision (and a bloody obvious one at that!)

I wouldn't be able to let this go with the rep in the WA group. I would continue to ask inconvenient questions in the group, like:

"Why are you still excluding one specific mum from attending?"

"Why do you think it is appropriate to send a mum to the dad's group?"

"Why do you think that two mums knowing each other is such a horrendous threat to your shitty little soire event?"

"But why are you going ahead with an event in which you are knowingly excluding one mum from coming?"

"But why does you and "some of the other mums" feeling a bit awkward trump a mum's right to be correctly identified as a mum and able to socialise with the mum's group?"

"Why do you think a lesbian woman should be forced to socialise with men when all the other women are socialising with women?"

And given that the teacher arranged this class rep then I do think the teacher should be told, yes.

I'd bloody well organise a separate class parents social for the sane people myself.

I don't think that it is necessarily homophobic, although it could be. It's certainly arrogant and rude.

I'd stay well out of all of it. Make friends with a couple of the mums your kid is friends with and ignore the whatsapp crap, unless it's usefully reminding you of dress up days or whatever.

It’s got nothing to do with the class teacher, they are there to teach the children not police the parents social etiquette

The school should have an equality policy in their website-in that policy it will state about not discriminating due to protected characteristics, one of which is sexuality. The policy will he easy to find, pop it on the WhatsApp group, ask the class rep to reconsider and apologise. If she doesn't go to see the head, not the teacher. The school can't have a class rep who is discriminatory.

That's shocking, yes it is homophobic

I think it is to do with the school though. If they are the ones who asked for a volunteer to set up a WhatsApp group. The class teacher I agree too busy but the head or receptionist may be able yo point you in the right direction?

So? Are they banning mums who already know each other because they live on the same street? Or because they work together or because their kids were in the same nursery class?

Anyway, if it genuinely matters that the two mums know each other (which it doesn’t), the answer is to create two groups made up of mums and dads so that couples are split up but the lesbian couple aren’t discriminated against.

Given the teacher organised the group and asked for a rep, I think it is the school's responsibility.

Outrageous that a woman who doesn't wear dresses has to be identified with the men - just speechless.

Well done for standing up for them @fuckedoffandworried

What?! Why on earth would you think that?!

It's absolutely clear that the class rep is a parent, a Mum, who was asked by the teacher to coordinate the class WhatsApp.

Can you arrange another event for all parents? Forget the class reps one, I'd let them know why I was arranging separate event though.

The class rep is a parent, not a child. The children are 4 and 5 year olds!

Hope this is a wind up.
Of course it's homophobic and extremely offensive as well as being twee, cringe and the stuff of nightmares. Straight out of Motherland.

It definitely is therefore it should be reported as such. Having said that I also feel its arrogant & presumptuous to assume all couples are happy to be split up for social events according to gender.

Can you set up an alternative WhatsApp group and leave the homophobe out?