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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think class rep is being homophobic?

675 replies

fuckedoffandworried · 02/11/2023 18:18

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

OP posts:
OliveToboogie · 05/11/2023 00:26

As a Teacher I say not my circus not my monkeys.

Startrekkeruniverse · 05/11/2023 00:28

TempName247 · 05/11/2023 00:10

‘Are they raising their child to be gay?’ What? Sorry I don’t believe anyone would say that.

I’ve heard someone say this in real life. Sadly there are very ignorant people walking amongst us.

Startrekkeruniverse · 05/11/2023 00:29

OliveToboogie · 05/11/2023 00:26

As a Teacher I say not my circus not my monkeys.

even if the class rep is acting as a bit of a go between between the school and the parents? in which case I think the monkeys very much belong to the school circus.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 05/11/2023 01:22

Is this woman/parent a dad? No, she isn't. Then why the fuck is she being included in the dads group?!

The class rep is being an idiot, there is no reason at all why both of them can't be included in the mums group.

Newsername1 · 05/11/2023 02:30

inigomontoyahwillcox · 05/11/2023 01:22

Is this woman/parent a dad? No, she isn't. Then why the fuck is she being included in the dads group?!

The class rep is being an idiot, there is no reason at all why both of them can't be included in the mums group.

Based on the most recent update, I think ‘idiot’, whilst not wrong, is far too mild.

We had someone earlier in the thread try the ‘well is it homophobia unless her actions are due to a hate or dislike of gay people?’

While that argument is simplistic and sets the bar far too low, we now have confirmation that yes, by any reasonable member, the Class Rep plainly has deep seated prejudices against gay people.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 05/11/2023 02:35

If they didn't want anyone to have their partner there, they should have done mixed groups so each mum could go to one event with a mixture if men and women. I would have preffered that anyway as the idea of separate sex groups leads me to think the class rep has quite traditional ideas about gender anyway and know i would be stuck at a wine and spa evening whilst dp goes axe throwing or something equally fun.

Onheretoomuch · 05/11/2023 03:12

The class rep is blatantly homophobic. She sounds like a nasty piece of work. What goes around comes around!

ladycardamom · 05/11/2023 04:25

Yes, this is homophobic. Do not involve class teacher. Speak to the class rep yourself. Sometimes, it's tough to be an ally, but not as hard as being the victim of homophobia....

ladycardamom · 05/11/2023 04:54

JohnnysMama · 03/11/2023 22:54

In some societies it is a new thing and quite unacceptable. And there are many groups of people living in UK now who think this is unacceptable.They don’t know other way, their culture and beliefs are different from yours or mine. Did you know and think about that? By challenging that you are being offensive and hateful towards that group of people and risking to be called islamophobe, hinduphobe, christianophobe

Show quote history

Those views aren't acceptable in the UK. By all means, have them privately, but it's against the law to discriminate. FGM is culturally acceptable in some groups. It's still illegal in the UK. Challenging illegal activity isn't discrimination.

Simonjt · 05/11/2023 07:01

TempName247 · 05/11/2023 00:10

‘Are they raising their child to be gay?’ What? Sorry I don’t believe anyone would say that.

A very frequent question unfortunately.

Valeriekat · 05/11/2023 07:28

You are doing the right thing. The class rep must be very dim and the school absolutely cannot allow the situation to persist.

sashh · 05/11/2023 07:35

The only way I can do mental gymnastics to think there might be a reasonable explanation is to think they are doing something with the children eg a three legged race.

So child and mum do one event and child and dad do another on another day. They child with two mums then would have both mums at one and no parent at the other.

But that makes me the Nadia Comaneci of mental gymnastics.

OP

It's homophobic and sexist.

RampantIvy · 05/11/2023 07:46

OliveToboogie · 05/11/2023 00:26

As a Teacher I say not my circus not my monkeys.

The class rep was asked by the school to set the group up, so the school does need to get involved. I wouldn't be surprised if the rep and her coven's attitudes aren't passed on to their DC resulting in the child of the gay couple being bullied. Then it very much becomes the school's responsibility.

I am outraged on behalf of this couple.

Maatandosiris · 05/11/2023 08:29

RampantIvy · 05/11/2023 07:46

The class rep was asked by the school to set the group up, so the school does need to get involved. I wouldn't be surprised if the rep and her coven's attitudes aren't passed on to their DC resulting in the child of the gay couple being bullied. Then it very much becomes the school's responsibility.

I am outraged on behalf of this couple.

Show quote history

Why did you use the word “coven” in an obviously derogatory way?

RampantIvy · 05/11/2023 08:31

Maatandosiris · 05/11/2023 08:29

Why did you use the word “coven” in an obviously derogatory way?

Show quote history

Isn't it obvious?
Anyone who displays this kind of homophobia doesn't deserve any respect from me.

Maatandosiris · 05/11/2023 08:35

RampantIvy · 05/11/2023 08:31

Isn't it obvious?
Anyone who displays this kind of homophobia doesn't deserve any respect from me.

Show quote history

Actually, I find it extremely insulting. Many (mainly women) are practicing witches. You are perpetuating a negative stereotype regarding a groups lifestyle. It’s disgustingly prejudice against a group who have experienced centuries of persecution (often involving death).

RampantIvy · 05/11/2023 08:37

I apologise in that case @Maatandosiris .

This women and the other parents who agree with her don't deserve my respect.

Maatandosiris · 05/11/2023 08:47

RampantIvy · 05/11/2023 08:37

I apologise in that case @Maatandosiris .

This women and the other parents who agree with her don't deserve my respect.

Yes sometimes inadvertent mistakes are easily made when you’re trying to achieve a certain aim aren’t they? It doesn’t take much to offend a group of historically persecuted people. You can be dying to stand up for one group and end up offending another.

I don’t think the class rep meant anything by this. They had probably been asked to split men/women and that no couplss was were allowed (from the ops comments this appears to be the situation) . I more suspect the OPs nose has been pushed out of joint by not being chosen as class rep.

I think it’s disgusting she is clearly using this couple to make a power play point scoring exercise - collecting her little army. No doubt she’ll be volunteering to be class rep within the month.

I feel sorry for the couple. They are clearly identifiable on this thread by anyone in the class. This was easily solvable, yet the OP puts a post on social media (probably wanting it to picked up by the press), she doesn’t appear to care what effect this will have on the women or their child.

it’s basically a case of being a straight saviour.

KingsleyBorder · 05/11/2023 08:52

Maatandosiris · 05/11/2023 08:35

Actually, I find it extremely insulting. Many (mainly women) are practicing witches. You are perpetuating a negative stereotype regarding a groups lifestyle. It’s disgustingly prejudice against a group who have experienced centuries of persecution (often involving death).

Show quote history

I’ve literally seen it all on Mumsnet now.

You must really struggle with Halloween!

TentChristmas · 05/11/2023 08:56

Holy shit, I didn’t think in this day and age A&B would have to put up with actual homophobic abuse just for being parents.

That really is awful of the class rep and cancelling the play date is beyond

NCGrandParent · 05/11/2023 08:59

Is "class rep" a formal role that the school requires? In which case report to school. Otherwise, just vote with your feet/fingers. I wouldn't go to the event and I would tell them why on WhatsApp group before leaving. 100% homophobic. Clearly and obviously so.

Amyalexandrer · 05/11/2023 09:05

This is so bonkers. Where abouts do you live? This is totally alien to me! So glad I live in a city where this just would never happen.

Minfilia · 05/11/2023 09:55

I’m so glad WhatsApp groups didn’t exist when my DC were small!

Anyway I would personally be putting a message in the group chat pointing out that the homophobic views of class rep don’t mirror the views of the other mums and that both A and B will of course be welcomed into the mums social event. I would then add B to the mums group if it was possible. I’d also probably apologise on behalf of class rep for her actions just to make her feel as small as she inevitably did to A and B.

But then I never cared about being part of any cliquey mums group, and wouldn’t have any fear of calling out homophobic, bullying shits with no moral compass…

Ivegone · 05/11/2023 10:12

Maatandosiris · 05/11/2023 08:47

Yes sometimes inadvertent mistakes are easily made when you’re trying to achieve a certain aim aren’t they? It doesn’t take much to offend a group of historically persecuted people. You can be dying to stand up for one group and end up offending another.

I don’t think the class rep meant anything by this. They had probably been asked to split men/women and that no couplss was were allowed (from the ops comments this appears to be the situation) . I more suspect the OPs nose has been pushed out of joint by not being chosen as class rep.

I think it’s disgusting she is clearly using this couple to make a power play point scoring exercise - collecting her little army. No doubt she’ll be volunteering to be class rep within the month.

I feel sorry for the couple. They are clearly identifiable on this thread by anyone in the class. This was easily solvable, yet the OP puts a post on social media (probably wanting it to picked up by the press), she doesn’t appear to care what effect this will have on the women or their child.

it’s basically a case of being a straight saviour.

Show quote history

😂😂😂

RampantIvy · 05/11/2023 10:14

I’m so glad WhatsApp groups didn’t exist when my DC were small!

Same here. Great post @Minfilia