To think class rep is being homophobic?

[fuckedoffandworried]

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

It isn’t about fear or even dislike necessarily, it’s about them being treated differently and less favourably because they are gay.

Weird and wrong.

Do people not bother to read the thread? The point is someone has been told they aren’t welcome- yes she could just turn up but that isn’t the point.

And yes, several people have had a word with the rep.

If the kid has two mums and its a "mums math event" or whatever then yeah that kid has both mums attending if they can.

On the corresponding Dads event that child will have no parent so why can't both the parents go to the one they fit with?

B is very obviously from a particular background that isn’t exactly known for being a good place to be gay. Saying that people like her don’t know any better is ridiculous. Culture and beliefs are irrelevant here.

A has removed herself from the whatsapp group this evening which has been noticed. Lots of talk about why she’s left in the group. B is still in there but hasn’t replied.

I’ll look into if there’s anyone on the PTA I can report to, I’m not sure about that. As far as I know no one’s gone to the head.

Is it only gay people who should put up with discrimination? Or black people too? How about Jewish people?

Wow. That's unbelievably inappropriate - even apart from the sexism and homophobia (which are flagrant), why are one particular group of mums the ones who gets to decide what's 'fair' on behalf of of everyone?!!! And why the hell does it even matter to a group of supposed adults if someone's partner is also there? The problem is their strangely gendered approach to organising social events, not these two people both being at the sane event! Seriously. Bet they'd be complaining if the kids were making s fuss about only playing with others of their own sex. I wouldnt bother with the class teacher - probably outside their remit, but go to the head and /or Pta chair. Starting school is a real eye opener isnt it? Mine also started this sep and the highly gendered expectations flying around amongst the parent community are breathtaking. So odd, never got this at nursery!!

Absolute bullshit.

1. discriminating against people based on their sexuality is illegal in the UK- it doesn’t matter what your culture is or what you believe.

2. if someone doesn’t want to be near gay people because they are gay, they are free not to attend the event- they are not free to tell the gay person that they can’t attend.

3. the class rep is not struggling to understand that they are gay or that they are both women, so it’s irrelevant.

Class rep is sticking to her guns, she was confronted about it today and said some of the mums who work full time and don’t do drop off and pick up are anxious about coming on their own when they won’t know anyone, so it wouldn’t be fair to let a couple come

If the rep is really concerned about that, surely the answer is to junk the whole idea of having two outings and having one to which both fathers and mothers can come.

The school asked for class rep so the school need to be aware

I'd write a letter to govenors and principal explain what the class rep has done and homophobic tone she has set. A make them aware letter

Tough if people living in the UK find same sex couples unacceptable. Our law says they are, and that they must not be the target of discrimination. If you really don't like something that is perfectly legal in this country, you can't expect the rest of society to dance around your prejudices to avoid upsetting you. Nor can you expect to be allowed to discriminate unlawfully against the targets of your prejudice. There are plenty of other aspects of our society that potentially don't accord with some people's culture and beliefs, for instance women leaving their heads uncovered in public and wearing revealing clothes - should we all go around dressed like nuns to keep them happy?

“A has removed herself from the whatsapp group this evening which has been noticed. Lots of talk about why she’s left in the group.”
I appreciate that you might not want to disclose too much, but surely everyone knows exactly why she has left?

First world problems. Who’s offended, who’s a bigot, misgendering, while in some other parts of the world people are living in difficult conditions and fighting for survival, food, escaping wars. In some places women are really having a sh.. lives. We should grow up and stop being so easily offended. People nowadays say they feel “unsafe” on a college campus because someone misgendered them. While someone in Ukraine, Palestine, Israel is saying they feel unsafe because rockets are flying over their heads, they don’t know if they will make it to the next day. Just a perspective.

Pathetic.

I mean honestly, one woman is being excluded from a school-related social event because she’s (i) gay, and (ii) doesn’t dress is quite as feminine a manner as her partner. It’s cruel and obvious discrimination, but she apparently needs to ‘grow up’ because there are wars in other parts of the world.

Thanks goodness most people don’t adopt such stupid attitudes or we never would have had anything resembling social progress.

homophobic, sexist and massively thoughtless. Until I met my partner ,my kids did not have a dad (wasn't only family like this). It was just me. They sound unkind.

The one being hateful is the one suggesting Hindu’s, Muslims and Christians are homophobic.

This is awful behaviour from the class rep. School needs to know and it would be good if all the parents dropped the events and rearranged something else.
fgs if you are going to have a women’s and a men’s event - which is what these are - you can’t bar one woman from the woman’s event because she’s gay!!!! This is straightforwardly a homophobic hate crime.
op you can’t go to the event you’d be colluding in this bullying.

I am very well known at school for hating the class whatzapp groups.
They can be handy and also so ott.
This situation luckily we have not come across and I really don't think would happen in our school as we have such a diverse mix of wonderful parents.
Having burnt out being a rep so many times- your role is to help raise money for the pta and support parent meets but nothing to do with school.
This woman seems to have taken her role a little too far and some of the parents won't ever engage with the pta which is a shame but totally understandable.

Why don't you just do a mixed event?

V weird though.clearly if you do insist on splitting by sex A & B should both B in mums group

there are many groups of people living in UK now who think this is unacceptable.They don’t know other way, their culture and beliefs are different from yours or mine.

And yet they've chosen to live in the UK and therefore they'll need to abide by UK law, which means not discriminating against people based on sexuality (and all the other protected characteristics).

some of the mums who work full time and don’t do drop off and pick up are anxious about coming on their own when they won’t know anyone

They need to grow up. There will be people there who already have strong friendships with other mums they've known since kids were babies. When my kids started reception (i work as well) I already knew 20 of the 30 sets of parents from local activities, baby groups, nursery etc. 4 or 5 of them are among my closest friends.

Please report this to the head.

I’m a school leader - I would normally never get involved in an adult WhatsApp chat. However, I think one of your posts mentioned the school instigate these groups and ask for there to be a ‘class rep’? In that case she is representing the school in a way and they absolutely have a duty of care to the way A and B have been treated.

This is exactly why I don’t promote these chats in my school.

Given your update @fuckedoffandworried it's really important that this is reported and dealt with because clearly it's really upset these parents and it's fucking vile. I would go to the head like others have said not bothering

Sorry, go to the head and don't bother with the PTA.

This is wider than a silly night out now.