To think class rep is being homophobic?

[fuckedoffandworried]

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

Yes definitely homophobic. Both women are mums. Some women will know each other from nursery/childminders. Fine to have a women's and men's event but all women should boycot it if there's one woman excluded

No, didn’t need to, it’s fucking nonsense, keep bashing that keyboard x

As a formal Class Rep they are representing the class and school, so it IS the school's business IMO. It will also flag up that there is an issue that might manifest itself with actual school business in future (if these events aren't under the remit of the school or PTFA) even in the classroom.

So as a Class teacher I'd want to know. I'd be passing it on to whoever was responsible for the class rep system to deal with it though.

No, but I don't think it's workable.

I think it sounds like what she really wants is two groups, where partnered parents won't be together in the same group so they'll mix. And it's in the form of main caregiver (mum) and secondary caregiver (dad).

Obviously there are all kinds of issues with that, but it sounds like maybe it happens to be the case that the dads and mums map pretty well on to that divide.

If she'd called the groups A and B she'd have been better off in the end. But even then I can see why the parents in question would balk, it's confusing and rather stereotyped, and if B group is in fact all men, I can imagine a lone women there might feel out of place, and also change the group dynamic.

Under the circumstances it would have been much better to explain the goal of separating the parents and ask the two mums what they would prefer.

Although then maybe other parents would want to be in the same group. It all seems overly complicated in any case.

Class reps aren’t “appointed by the school” - they can sometimes be if they deal with things to do with PTFA, notifying parents about school events, or other class/school issues.

For understandable reasons, schools seem to be increasingly asking parents to do the work of the school and it can lead to problems as is happening in this case.

In my day the school and the PTFA committee communicated directly with all the parents in various ways, not indirectly via another parent who had had no training and who had free rein. Modern technology is great but doesn't mean the school aren't still responsible for making sure all parents are being given school information and not excluded from, or discriminated against with regard to PTFA events? It's also a Data Protection nightmare when schools 'contract out' this work.

Since when do four year olds organise nights out in the pub for their friends’ parents?

separating the parents

And what if they don't want to be separated? There are all sorts of circumstances where this might be be necessary as well as desirable to them.

Although I do agree that offering support for Dads specifically, and Mums specifically, can be appropriate in some cases, but this should be a clear OFFER with a clear mission that people sign up to specifically, rather than trying to force it in this way and giving very odd (and about Mums A & B, wrong) reasoning.

where partnered parents won't be together in the same group so they'll mix

The idea that people 'won't mix' when in the same space as their partner is itself ridiculous. There are lots of other ways to encourage a group to mix - icebreaker activities that move around the room being one.

I presume it varies by school but our school requires there to be at least one class representative for every class - i.e, it’s a school-created role.

The Class Rep is responsible for organizing socials but, more significantly, has an active role in facilitating school communications (acting as a go-between, largely for the benefit of the school).

It might not be ‘purely’ a school role but it’s one mandated by the school for the benefit of the school.

It would not be reasonable for the school to require parents, who are being actively discriminated by the Class Rep, to correspond with the Class Rep.

And even if it’s more a PTA/PTO matter than the school one, the ‘T’ is part of that and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be informed of serious complaints, by parents, about their Class Rep.

I wouldn't decide for them either way. Let A and B decide which group they want to be in. Come to that, let all parents decide which group they want to be in.

Show me where I said they should suck it up and shut up?

why making it so complicated with all the groups. I would also add nowadays everything is called something - phobia. Looked at someone and breathed at them and you are being called a - phobe. Maybe this class rep just got confused and can’t keep up with societal changes. Like my granny with multiple genders - she would never comprehend. People just should take it easy and speak up when there’s a just need but without all the drama.

This. ‘Your logic about it’s not fair a partner comes because some people might be anxious coming alone is bullshit. I don’t see you saying you and any mums in an existing group so really comfortable together shouldn’t come because some people are anxious. This is pure homophobic bigotry, and it’s clear that’s how they feel poor things. Nobody should have to feel like that.’

then you take it to the headteacher and class teacher and see what they do. I’d want to leave schools if they don’t do anything, also as there’s clearly a whole bunch of pathetic coward parents and I’d be worried about my child growing up wiht these fucktards offspring. I’d try and arrange a catch up with some friendly mums and both A & B.

This is utterly disgusting so basically for same sex couples one must be “mum” & one must be “dad” so just curious how would this event be like if the parents were 2 dads? How would the class rep deal with that? Look at them & think oh that one looks the most feminine so he will mum? Pretty sure that would go down like a lead balloon, this needs to go to the board of governors thats what it is in England isn’t it? Bypass the teacher (nothing to do with them) bypass head(probably faff about) got straight to the top, state your case firmly just the facts,don’t start adding in anything else just stick to the true facts & state what outcome you would like if they don’t agree you let them know that you have the morning daytime live shows along with local I national radio plus online news papers all interested in this story they are just waiting on you to inform them of the outcome of the meeting, you will see them sweat & ultimately parents A&B will be at the same event & the headmaster will be using an extremely soft cushion for a while due to having been ripped a new asshole it worked for me after my daughter tried to kill herself in the girls bathroom due to someone outing her as being gay & the school did nothing so my daughter attempted to slit her throat

Ours requires one too. But they obviously just have one parents group not a mums group to do all the work and a dads group to update on social events, and no bullying homophobic control freaks running them either.

“if you don't agree with something a person has said then tell them and move on with your life.“

The couple have told the Class Rep that they’re hurt and offended and won’t be attending this event, but the Class Rep has not budged.

Presumably, they’re now in the ‘move on with [their] life’ phase, have to accept being discriminated against and have to continue to deal with the Class Rep (in her role as Class Rep) on an ongoing basis.

Your mocking about, how if they (or another parent) informed the school, the would be akin to a child ‘telling tales’ is gross.

Exactly, tell them. Tell people you think their behaviour is disgusting and then carry on with your life, instead of letting it eat away at you.

Children aren't capable of dealing with certain issues so they have to ask their teacher for help, so yes these so called adults are rather pathetic as they're more than capable of speaking their mind and sorting it themselves but instead they bitch and cry.

"Excuse me (...) I find your behave truly disgusting, I want no part of this or your 'homophobic' group"...then continue with your life and concentrate on the reason you're there...your child ..not drama with the playground parents.

Same-sex relationships are not a new thing. Neither is homophobia.

Yeah that's not OK. How about you and the decent mums organising a night with A and B and no mention of the other event or other group is intended? (i.e. it's not a 'let's have a bitch' night out)

It's astonishing the class rep thinks she gets to decide which female in a same sex relationship is the 'dad'. Neither of them is. They're both mums! I would report it to the teacher.

Well, if, per your suggestion, they should opt out of dealing with the Class Rep system set up by the school, then they’ll obviously need to tell the school so that the school can correspond with them directly, going forwards, rather than via the Class Rep and parents group.

Is this a joke?

Same sex couples are not a new thing, it’s not exactly some new societal change.

I doubt there are many adults who have not heard of homophobia, it’s hardly a new concept.

Side note, how my genders does your granny have?

In some societies it is a new thing and quite unacceptable. And there are many groups of people living in UK now who think this is unacceptable.They don’t know other way, their culture and beliefs are different from yours or mine. Did you know and think about that? By challenging that you are being offensive and hateful towards that group of people and risking to be called islamophobe, hinduphobe, christianophobe

Challenging homophobia is hateful now? I've heard it all.

Same-sex couples have been allowed to adopt in the UK for over 20 years. Same-sex parents are not new and if some people still have a problem with it, tough shit.

It certainly isn’t a new thing in UK society and, even if a new immigrant was unaware of it, or had a deeply-held religious belief that homosexuality is immoral, than still does not give them liberty to act in a homophobic manner, not least when performing functions on behalf of a school.

And in any event, there’s no suggestion that the above is of any relevance here.

I’m also not aware of any religion that teaches, where a same sex couple exists, that it is necessary to designate one parent as as ‘mum’ and the other as ‘dad’.