To think class rep is being homophobic?

[fuckedoffandworried]

DC has just started school. Another child in the class has two mums, I’ll call them A and B. We have a class rep who volunteered earlier in the term and collected contact numbers for the other class parents for a WhatsApp group, which is mostly the mums but a few dads too. A and B both do the school run, it’s probably A most days but B is there at least once a week. A and B are both in the WhatsApp group and both reply to messages pretty equally. The class rep is organising two social events and posted about them in the WhatsApp group last week. One for the mums and one for the dads. Most of the dads aren’t in the WhatsApp group, so the class rep asked in there for mums to send over contact numbers for their partners or kids dads so that the dads evening could be organised. A few of the kids in DCs class have divorced parents, so I think the idea is so both parents can be involved with other class parents. The class rep has made a separate WhatsApp group for the mums event and her DH has made one for the dads. They put A in the mums group for the mums event and B in the dads group for the dads event.

B asked if this was a mistake in the main WhatsApp group, and the class rep has come back saying that it’s not a mistake, it’s because she and some of the other mums have agreed it wouldn’t be fair for her and A to both come to the mums event. Most of the mums don’t know each other very well, and they want everyone to be in the same boat and mix with each other. They’re saying no bringing your partner to either the mums or the dads event, so A can’t bring B. The class rep has said she’s put A in the mums group and B in the dads group because she thought B would fit in better with the dads than A. A and B have both said they won’t be going.

AIBU to think this is homophobia and let the class teacher know?

Would one half of a same sex male couple be invited to the mum event?

(I've only skim read all the replies)

That class rep has too much time on her hands and is homophobic or stupid, was it a democratic decision to have men &women separate or was it her idea? Also the thing about divorced/ non resident parents is strange, who knows what the history of these relationships is like. That parents group sounds awful, thank God WhatsApp wasn’t invented when my DCs were small!

Quite. Why can’t it just be a parents meet up. Two phrases spring to mind in this whole shit show.

Divide et Impera

in hoc signo vinces

have a parent meet up. send of.

A and B did the school run together this morning, which I don’t think they’ve done since the first day. They showed up at the last minute and kind of kept to themselves, left very quickly as soon as the kids went in. A came on her own for pickup and was very frosty with the other mums. B has read my message I sent her privately on WhatsApp but hasn’t replied.

It was talked about a bit after A and B left this morning. There are four of us who have spoken out about it and how wrong we think it is, one of the other mums did use the word homophobia. Class rep is sticking to her guns, she was confronted about it today and said some of the mums who work full time and don’t do drop off and pick up are anxious about coming on their own when they won’t know anyone, so it wouldn’t be fair to let a couple come. I can’t remember exactly how she said it, but she said something about B being more than capable of looking after herself in with the men that I didn’t like. Like she was implying because she’s a lesbian she’s “rougher” than most women, or one of the blokes or something. B is the last person I would describe as a butch lesbian or whatever stereotype she’s playing on there.

A couple of mums the class rep is friendly with are siding with her, everyone else is saying they don’t want to get involved and they’re looking forward to the social event.

some of the mums who work full time and don’t do drop off and pick up are anxious about coming on their own when they won’t know anyone, so it wouldn’t be fair to let a couple come.

Well by that logic, none of the regular mums who do pick up should be allowed to come since you all already know each other and they’ll still feel out of the clique. Plus if I was them I wouldn’t come even if you paid me anyway.

Yeah badly judged by the rep who should have asked separately which group they’d like to be in… it’s an awkward one but badly dealt with.

"everyone else is saying they don’t want to get involved and they’re looking forward to the social event."

Well, they are involved. Choosing not to say anything but go along with it doesn't make them uninvolved. They just don't care enough to say anything directly.

Wtf?

If the child has two MUMS, they both go in the MUMS GROUP. The number of mums is irrelevant. Mums goes with mums, dad's with dads.

The organiser has fucked up here, and I'd be pointing it out.

Well class rep is doing a grade A job of teaching her Dc how to be homophonic; how to pick out an individual & penalise them because she’s a small minded; idiot who really should not be the class rep

I just LOVE the idea that someone thinks there is a 5 year old on WA out there organising social events for parents 😅

Though tbf, they'd probably be fairer than the actual rep

Why have different events for different sexes anyway this is insane

How is it not fair? Do they not understand what fairness is? Fairness doesn’t mean equal.
id absolutely call out the homophobia and tell them straight up

100% homeaphonic So this person I won't call her a lady she gives ladies a bad name is expecting one female to buddy up with multiple men, where she could be left out or worse taken advantage of for been a woman. It's not acceptable in this day and age. You definitely need to be letting school know and I'd also step away from the organiser yourself or your just condoning what she did. Tell her how you well on the WhatsApp group chat and make it clear you'll find most people will follow on to say the agree and the homeaphonic woman is the odd one out.

Yes very homophobic but also the whole thing just sounds awful. Don’t involve the school in parent dramas just tell her publicly and firmly she’s being ridiculous and both mums should be invited.

This is absolutely outrageous, A and B should take this to the headteacher to deal with as they can not have class reps being homophobic, class rep is either very stupid or openly homophobic.

They need to ditch the event. I don't think it is so much homophobic as it is logistics and planning gone awry. But trying to control who talks to who doesn't make sense. And thinking that moms only want to talk and befriend moms and dads only want to to talk to and befriend dads is pretty sexist. Just have two nights and moms and dads can attend whichever one they want. They can attend together or separately. That way it also doesn't stand out as much as to who doesn't have a mom or dad there.

If the "class rep" is something suggested or supported by the school then definitely this should be reported to the school

YANBU. This is AWFUL. I'm actually cringing.

When my DCs were younger my DH did most pick up and drop offs because my job didn't allow me to. So if her logic is that B is "The Dad" because they do fewer drop-offs, any hetero female that doesn't do drop offs should be in the other WhatsApp group and going to the other event. In fact, I'd probably go to the "Dad's" event just to prove a point (because non-inclusive behaviour like this makes my blood boil and I'm really passive aggressive).

Ridiculous stereotyped events !! That needs challenging for sure

Class rep sounds dim.

Has anyone informed the school yet, OP?

You don’t think it’s homophobic to publicly designate one of two women, in a same-sex couple, as a man?

Why don’t the 4 of you say that you and your Dhs will be swapping groups to give a good mix to both groups.

I'm astounded that parents other than Class Reps Inner Circle of Mean Girls are still going to this social, on the basis that they "don't want to get involved". Class rep is truly awful, and this is just such a mess, the only just outcome would be for noone to show.