SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

Thanksgiving is huge in the USA, the menu and dishes passed down through families. Insects on this occasion really don't cut it.

Imagine that choice on Christmas Day here

@justasking111 This isn’t the Thanksgiving meal, it’s on the Saturday afterwards.

I won’t mention the Thanksgiving meal, that’s a whole other story. 😂

I hate aubergines with passion, I am not a fussy eater.

12 dishes and nothing interesting, id meet them at some other time.

I hate eating out when trying to suit other people. My friendship group. One is vegan. , one doesn't eat fish, one eats fish but not meat , one doesn't like vegetables and all I want to do is to go to this lush restaurant that doesn't suit them

It's a tricky one. I eat and enjoy almost everything but that means my choices are never considered as i end up eating where they want

She does not want OP to be there, she selfishly picked a place she wants to eat at and drags everyone with her, although she could just go on her own.
Not liking one or two things (that are prominent on the menu) is also not being fussy.

Prawns are basically maggots so no thank you very much to those and to bugs. Plus, you cannot kill insects in a cruel-free way anyway, which matters to me. I'll stick with mushrooms and other veggies for my protein.

Pre ED I would eat virtually anything but one particular cuisine I really dont like is traditional Korean. I cant really say why, I just dont like it. So it would be if someone suggested a Korean restaurant for a big family meal, I would feel the same!

Can you invent an intolerance that seems to give you gyp after certain meals so you are cutting those ingredients out? Oddly enough, it seems to be triggered by beans so a bean heavy menu isnt something you can eat at the moment.

I developed a severe intolerance to anything but very very well cooked onion in the last 10 years (am 50) and my mother didnt develop her very bad IBS until she was in her late thirties so its perfectly plausible and keeps the peace, you would but you just cant........

This is silly because ive been to some really high end restaurants and am fussy but i still manage on something.

Why can’t you just say what type of cuisine it is. Why is it some big secret?

She did.

It's insects.

Same! I’ve also eaten insects etc. but can’t deal with peas!

A text along the lines of
“I’m not normally a fussy eater, but this is probably a bit too adventurous for us. Any chance of going to a more conventional place? I’m a bit worried we’ll end up starving and have to get a take away afterwards if we don’t like it😀”

You aren’t saying you won’t go, but getting the message across that you aren’t keen.

YANBU, you just have to be honest and say that you are very sorry, but there is nothing on the menu that you would eat, but you can meet them for drinks after or something.

You shouldn't have to pay out for no food, or food you won't eat.

I'm not sure why you can't just suggest something else.

" Hi SIL, really looking forward to seeing you. I've just had a look at the menu at augbergine place and I'm not sure there's anything that myself and son would eat. How about X, Y or Z onstead? No worries if not as we are happy to go with what the majority want and we would just get drinks if we go to aubergine place."

Ok. I could do that restaurant cos I'd gip at seeing others eat those things.

Just bloody tell her that.

She can hardly argue with that!!!

Depends how much you want to spend time with the family. I'd call the restaurant and ask if they'll make something off menu. I'm sure they have to cater for loads of allergies and might be able to do something. If you're not keen on going anyway just say you're not into that kind of cuisine and will give it a miss.

@Wouldyouguess

Not liking one or two things (that are prominent on the menu) is also not being fussy.

Well said...
👏👏

I'm utterly confused as to why you've said there's aubergines and beans and then said there isn't?! Confused. Just share the menu, you can screenshot and cut off the name of the restaurant..

Either tell her it’s not a cuisine you like at all and ask if the venue can be moved, or you and DS have something to eat in the car on the way there and smile and nod your way through the meal for the sake of family harmony.

And stop considering yourself “not a fussy eater”. Acknowledge that you have some quite particular tastes that just happen to be well catered to in your normal social circles. You’ll find it easier to navigate these sorts of situations if you stop thinking of it as your SiL being “strange” in picking something you aren’t used to and realise you’re all different and no body is right or wrong.

Then surely he knows there's nothing there his kids would eat so should speak to his sister.

"hi sil, we've had a look at the menu for X and unfortunately DS and I won't be able to eat there. Such a shame but we will have to give it a miss. DH is up for it though so he'll see you there. Lots of love, OP xx"

Done. If DH won't say anything he can go and eat insects. There's no way I would eat that or watch others eat it, it sounds disgusting. She must know that not everyone is going to want to eat there. If she strops, just ignore her.

I totally get this and don’t think you’re being unreasonable BUT I am fussy about food in the sense that I like quite basic non fussy foods and a super posh menu with random ingredients like quince and berry coulis on a steak is just not my cup of tea. I understand it really is for other people but just not for me. And I wouldn’t want to spend money on a meal I know I won’t eat or enjoy.

could you take ds somewhere and meet up with them after the meals for a drink?

You do sound like a fussy eater, sorry

Some people seem to confuse fussy eating with food preferences.

I've tried everything from tarantula and balut to hakarl and svid but, because I don't like cauliflower or mussels I'd be firmly placed on the fussy list here apparently.

If you’re feeling like this, perhaps others are too. So say that it’s maybe not a good choice for something as special as thanksgiving