SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

I thought Thanksgiving was all about getting the family together. Unless it's completely over your budget, I'd go along and make the best of it!

This is why I always pick Italian whenever there's three generations involved. Grasshoppers, crickets, scorpion, snails, frogs legs, snakes, are an amusing item on a menu but not necessarily suitable for all

Can you just make up the menu and post it? Or just post parts of it for us.

The tide is turning.

Or even just heat up a can of soup and get a bag of oven chips and veggies. Or drop off ready meals earlier in the day to be served with everyone else’s meal
It’s a restaurant.

I’d ju.st explain that I’ve looked at the menu and there’s nothing on there that you could eat. Ask if there’s another place that she would like to go and if not you’d be happy to meet up either before or after for a drink. You’re not a fussy eater, I’ve been in a similar situation and it was embarrassing because I couldn’t eat anything on the menu.

Chuckling at the fact you literally quoted the post where the OP says there are no side dishes, and promptly suggested she fill up on side dishes...

Why do people care so much if you’re a fussy eater?! I am a fussy eater, I’ll be able to find something to eat in eg pub grub, diners, Italian, french, Mexican, taco places, Indian, Chinese and yet when people (who all know me!) go to organise they talk about sushi bars, Thai, Korean etc. I went through years of gagging my way through food with a big smile on my face and then decided to start saying sorry do you mind if we don’t. What is the point of spending two hours miserable? This shouldn’t be a thing! If she wants to go there she can go another time but for a dinner out with the family everyone should at least properly like one or two dishes. And there’s a lot of bs on here too and in rl- you go out to dinner with ‘non fussy’ people and they apparently have every right to say ‘ugh I don’t like anything there will we go somewhere else?’ Whereas a ‘fussy person’ is being problematic (happens all the time, trying to figure out to go, everyone vetos about ten places or certain dishes if in someone’s house then I mention not liking something and there’s a big deal made to ‘accommodate’ me!! Rubbish!!!! (Rant over. That felt good!!)

I think your DH should deal with it in a lighthearted/jokey way.

’Not sure we fancy grasshoppers for dinner this time! Any other options you all fancy?’ Is there a group chat? Everyone would probably then pipe up with other suggestions.

If she hasn't booked it yet then hurry up and tell her you and DS aren't keen and that she might want to check with everyone else before she books it. Don't leave it until it's too late because that will probably annoy her more.

I do think she’s being a bit selfish. I would always consider everyone who is eating and if a big family group then go to a restaurant with lots of choice. She can save her fancy food for her and her DH.

Guido reads along thinking 'yep, the OP is a fussy bugger'.

Gets to the bit about insects and thinks 'Sod that? I wouldn't go if you paid me, let alone paying someone else for it!'

YANBU

Just be honest. Say the restaurant is quite expensive for your family's budget, and there's nothing actually on the menu that you or your son will want to eat, so a double waste. Especially when it's supposed to be an enjoyable family Thanksgiving meal. Could SIL please pick a more Thanksgiving-y type place to celebrate being with family and save the specialty restaurant for those who want to try the expensive, exotic foods.

It was Heston Blumenthal.

I don't like aubergine if I cook it myself. But cooked by a chef by someone who knows what their doing it's actually quite nice.

I am up for trying most things and have, in fact, eaten insects but as a family destination meal as opposed to, say, an episode of IACGMOOH, it is rather off the wall.
Just say you don't fancy it, if your SIL wants to try it then you'll meet them afterwards, and be the evil inlaw. Sounds like you can cope.

Is this really needed? Why are you getting so angry over someone else's choice?

You are fussy eaters if there is nothing you would like.

I would go. She's arranging something nice. , she really wants yo go there. You may be pleasantly surprised

😆 I’m obviously not good at this - it was a response to someone suggesting the OP just got McDonalds on the way home as she seems to have been branded (in my view unfairly) a “fussy eater” by many posters despite her protestations. Not liking aubergine (like me 🤮) and her reference to “seasoning” meant she should stick to fast food according to some in this thread. Ach well.

Absolutely this!

This is a very passive-aggressive message. One thing to say "sorry, not up our street, here are some alternatives and another to not-so-subtly tell the SIL she's thoughtless/selfish/whatever.

Apparently insects are going to be our main source of protein by 2060

FUCK THAT

Pretend you've gone vegan who is mildly intolerant to aubergines?

Not necessarily, there is a restaurant I know where it's a set menu of about 15 courses and you can't really order different specific things. I can totally see it being not many people's cup of tea. That doesn't make them fussy eaters as the menu is targeted at a very specific group of clientele.

I wouldn't organize a group dinner to such a restaurant unless I knew everyone knew what it entailed and were onboard.

I refuse to believe all 12 items on the menu are bugs. Whats the carb? Veg?Sides? Starter? Dessert?

I'm sure there will be rice or veg. Not just aubergine, beans and grasshoppers. There will be a vegan or veggie option for sure.
I would go and make the most of it, you never know you might come home having developed a liking for beans/aubergine etc.

Why can’t OP just say what the cuisine is? Why is it a secret? Post some of the dishes on the menu then at least we all know what is being talked about.

Just gradually adding ingredients without stating what the dish is, what it’s called and what type of cuisine it is is just plain annoying when being asked to give an opinion.

It’ll be worms with a garnish of wood louse next.

If there is literally nothing on the menu that your child will eat and you don't fancy it either, I'd find another restaurant and suggest it.
My kids wouldn't eat Indian food when they were younger, but the in laws love Indian. We used to say no and we'd talk it through until we found somewhere we'd all enjoy. It's not unreasonable to discuss it.

@GreenAppleCrumble It’s honestly not fictional, it’s just a very odd choice of restaurant for a group meal, IMHO.