SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

With bugs you wouldn´t see me for dust there...

Just say, "SIL, thanks for the restaurant suggestion. It's a bit out there for me and DS though. Is there anywhere else we could go where there are a few more mainstream options on the menu?"

Well, the rest of the family don't need to be involved in this.

If you like your SIL and you think she's a reasonable person, then you really won't hurt her feelings! Be breezy and cheerful, throw in a token self-deprecating apology ("I'm so squeamish about insects") if you want, make suggestions you think she'll like so you're not making more work for her. That's it. That's all that's required and it's fine! It sounds like she hasn't actually booked yet so message her before she does so.

I'd come down with a sore throat and cough a few days before hand....

This! I am not picky. We eat all types of food in our family. But the hell I'm sitting there watching people crunch bugs much less pay for the experience!

If its such a touchy issue and you can't say 'SIL I love you but I don't want to eat grasshoppers at xmas' I would just push it all on to my 15 year old and what a pain in the arse his whinging is going to be for you. I realise that's neither honest nor brave behaviour and most unfair to the 15 yr old, but there are surely some perks to having actually grown a person with your body?

Me too and my (adult) dd kept booking sushi for family meals. I don't only dislike sushi but I'm also allergic to shellfish.
After I declined a couple of times she got the hint and stopped booking it

I'd just be honest and say why you can't go. Say it's not up your street and that you'd go if it were a different type of cuisine. As you're meeting up for Thanksgiving anyway, she shouldn't be annoyed.
I think this kind of restaurant isn't somewhere you try as a a big family gathering as it won't appeal to everyone!!

Stop pussyfooting around OP, DH needs to tell her you all think the restaurant idea is ridiculous and wouldn’t see the funny side and you’d prefer to go somewhere else. If SIL is hurt, tell her not as much as you would have been having forked out a couple of hundred dollars on her quirky insect twatty place.

@WhateverMate He’d never say anything, they just don’t do that on his side of the family, he goes along with everything.

It’s very peaceful but also frustrating sometimes. The **polar opposite to my argumentative side!

I remember a few years ago. Think it was Jamie Oliver introducing these onto the menu of a children's hospital. The kids weren't too sure at first. But the kids actually liked them. Including one teen with cystic fibrosis who spent a lot of time in hospital. Give it a try you might be surprised.

No way would I be eating insects OP! Bleugh! Do the other family members know what's on the menu?

If it were me, I'd just say 'You guys go ahead, but it's not really our kind of food' and let them get on with it. No way would I be paying for a plateful of insects - I'm not a lizard! 🤣

Could you phone the restaurant and ask explain that SIL has booked for the whole family but having looked at the menu you really want to go for a meal with everyone and whilst the menu looks interesting you really hate aubergines and beans and could they make you up something simpler for you and ds like and then suggest could they do you and ds the same minus the aubergines and beans in a dish. Or even just heat up a can of soup and get a bag of oven chips and veggies. Or drop off ready meals earlier in the day to be served with everyone else’s meal

DD works as an event manager and has at weddings and other big events with set menus could she do an alternative because of allergies or illnesses or just not liking anything on the menu. (She has run out of the venue and to the local supermarket to pick up alternative ready meals and tubs of sorbet or ice cream for those who aren’t able to eat the set menu.)

Aubergines or crickets?

@HamBone

I've had grasshoppers in chocolate!

I'm really not fussy though except I don't like peas, I know bit weird

12 things on a menu is quite common in decent restaurants, there's a trend here for no options at all here, just a set menu everyone has and refusing to pander to vegans and allergies - they are the really expensive places too!

Can you and your son have food poisoning that day and therefore no longer be able to go?

And this is why living in America I have to constantly hear about how Brit’s don’t season our food, we don’t like flavour etc etc. Some really just add to the stereotype, chips and soup ffs! If you’re not going to post the menu I don’t know why you wrote this tbh. Surely there’s something you will eat?! It’s also a blessing to marry into a calm family who don’t upset each other in my experience! My family are drama drama ALL the time.

Or even just heat up a can of soup and get a bag of oven chips and veggies. Or drop off ready meals earlier in the day to be served with everyone else’s meal

Ok. This is even more bonkers than OP’s fictional menu!

To be honest the SIL is out of line, it’s one thing to suggest something like this, but she really shouldn’t expect normal people to be up for anything this vile sounding.

Are cats, dogs & horses on the menu too?

I remember this! It was Heston Blumenthal. I loved that series.

Would suggestyour sil and her immediate family go to this restaurant when they want to go and enjoy it, and choose another one that the whole family would enjoy. It's one thing to try new foods, but to force it upon others who might be less keen isn't really fair imo. I imagine it's fairly expensive too @HamBone

Why not just contact the restaurant and ask if they would be able to do something just for you and your DS due to your dietary requirements? If they can do that, then there's not really a problem. Other people can eat their insect dishes and you can have something else.

Is it the Black Ant?

Yes
Grasshoppers may not be to everyone’s taste
So what’s the vegetarian and vegan options.

Or are there none

I've been in similar scenarios and just said sorry there's nothing on the menu that DH & DS will eat so we'll pass but thanks for the invite. I am not going to sit at a dinner and go hungry or watch my child go hungry for no good reason. Just tell her, the rest of the relatives will probably be relieved by the sound of it!