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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

517 replies

HamBone · 02/11/2023 13:00

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
HamBone · 02/11/2023 14:55

It is partly about the money, tbh. We’re a family of four paying for flights, a hotel and a hire car. Now this place as well…plus likely a takeaway for the teenagers afterwards!

OP posts:
PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 02/11/2023 14:55

tattygrl · 02/11/2023 14:47

OP pleeeeease copy and paste the menu - NOT the name of the restaurant or anything identifying, just the actual list of options. I am DESPERATE 😂

...and yes, very bored at work.

Same. She could even generalise it a little bit (which would make it less harder to google) 😂

"legumes" instead of beans
purple fruit of the nightshade family instead of aubergines
crispy insects (instead of grashoppers) on a bed of fragrant grains (instead of wild rice) with yuzu infusion and a medley of seasonal vegetables

And now I´m hungry. wonderful BlushHmm

jollygreenpea · 02/11/2023 14:56

manchesterchild

I think you may have miss understood the OP, I took OP to mean

Say you hated black beans and aubergine ( for example ) but the menu was full of them, every dish had black beans and aubergine in them.

MargotBamborough · 02/11/2023 14:57

HamBone · 02/11/2023 14:55

It is partly about the money, tbh. We’re a family of four paying for flights, a hotel and a hire car. Now this place as well…plus likely a takeaway for the teenagers afterwards!

How much per head is this restaurant?

I'd have thought a meal out would be a drop in the ocean compared to what you're already spending.

You would still be entirely reasonable to want to go to a restaurant everyone will enjoy though.

MargotBamborough · 02/11/2023 14:59

jollygreenpea · 02/11/2023 14:56

manchesterchild

I think you may have miss understood the OP, I took OP to mean

Say you hated black beans and aubergine ( for example ) but the menu was full of them, every dish had black beans and aubergine in them.

This does sound plausible.

I went to a restaurant last year when I was pregnant. The menu was quite extensive but once everything that wasn't some sort of rare or raw fish or meat had been ruled out there wasn't much left.

Westfacing · 02/11/2023 14:59

tattygrl · 02/11/2023 14:48

If she does this, SIL might enthusiastically suggest a place with dishes full of aubergine and black beans 😂

Show quote history
Grin
InTheRainOnATrain · 02/11/2023 14:59

It’s also fine to say that you’re spending a lot getting over there - flights, car hire etc. and that the restaurant is too expensive! Unless you think that might backfire and someone offers to treat you?!

Original poster
HamBone · 02/11/2023 14:59

@jollygreenpea Yep, you’ve got it. They were just examples of things I don’t like. I was trying to convey that there’s not a single menu item that I like the sound of.

@nibblessquibbles No chicken or steaks on the menu.

OP posts:
PastTheGin · 02/11/2023 15:00

Can you phone the restaurant and ask if they have any “off menu” items like a plain plate of chips? Otherwise I would politely decline and meet up with the group after dinner.

PoppyFleur · 02/11/2023 15:01

I would say nothing, let SIL plough ahead and then enjoy the shocked faces of family members when they see the menu. I predict that SIL will never be asked to book dinner again!

Or better still, invent some reason that you can’t meet for dinner but join them later after their meal.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/11/2023 15:02

If I was paying a lot for a meal I would definitely want to enjoy it.

This! I assume the many people who've said going out for a meal with family or friends is all about enjoying their company, regardless of whether you enjoy the food, must be absolutely loaded. We don't eat out that much so it's a real treat and I look forward to the food as much as the company. Otherwise why wouldn't we all just meet at one of our houses or go to a cafe?

nibblessquibbles · 02/11/2023 15:02

HamBone · 02/11/2023 14:59

@jollygreenpea Yep, you’ve got it. They were just examples of things I don’t like. I was trying to convey that there’s not a single menu item that I like the sound of.

@nibblessquibbles No chicken or steaks on the menu.

Is there any primary ingredient that would be acceptable to you on the menu?
So if it's cauliflower and grasshopper gratin, can you call and ask for the grasshopper to be removed and just have cauliflower?
If it's so unusual I am sure they won't be surprised!

InTheRainOnATrain · 02/11/2023 15:02

jollygreenpea · 02/11/2023 14:56

manchesterchild

I think you may have miss understood the OP, I took OP to mean

Say you hated black beans and aubergine ( for example ) but the menu was full of them, every dish had black beans and aubergine in them.

I understood it the same but beans and aubergines are a shit analogy for insects!! They’re just ordinary food, fair enough if you don’t particularly like them, but it’s not remotely comparable to insects which I think lot of people would be squeamish about. If OP had said that from the beginning, or used a better comparison like offal for instance, I think she would have received very different responses.

Nanny0gg · 02/11/2023 15:03

Catsfrontbum · 02/11/2023 13:17

If it is a specialist cuisine like an Indian Restaurant and you don't like spicy food then I can see what you mean....

However I would still go and give it a go, widen your horizons and all that!

What's the point in wasting all that money when you know you don't like that type of food?

Original poster
HamBone · 02/11/2023 15:03

@MargotBamborough Yes, it’s a drop in the ocean, which is why I’m not sure whether to say anything. Would you?

It just seems like such a waste of money to go to this restaurant, it surprises me that SIL hasn’t picked a more of a “crowd-pleaser” type of place.

DH said that she wanted to try it though. 🤷

OP posts:
enchantedsquirrelwood · 02/11/2023 15:05

Blahblah254 · 02/11/2023 14:41

You sound fussy.

Does it matter if she is?

I might struggle as well if there were only 12 items on the menu. Presumably some are starters too, so the main courses are limited.

I don't eat red meat so that always cuts down the items I can have.

Last week I ended up having a starter with goats cheese although I don't like goats cheese much but the rest of the starter was ok.

Nanny0gg · 02/11/2023 15:05

HamBone · 02/11/2023 15:03

@MargotBamborough Yes, it’s a drop in the ocean, which is why I’m not sure whether to say anything. Would you?

It just seems like such a waste of money to go to this restaurant, it surprises me that SIL hasn’t picked a more of a “crowd-pleaser” type of place.

DH said that she wanted to try it though. 🤷

So she can try it with other people!

Cosywintertime · 02/11/2023 15:06

HamBone · 02/11/2023 15:03

@MargotBamborough Yes, it’s a drop in the ocean, which is why I’m not sure whether to say anything. Would you?

It just seems like such a waste of money to go to this restaurant, it surprises me that SIL hasn’t picked a more of a “crowd-pleaser” type of place.

DH said that she wanted to try it though. 🤷

You keep coming back to money. Just don’t go. Honestly. Just cry off and let your husband and son go and have fun, I’m sure he will eat if you’re not there and everyone else is.

IncompleteSenten · 02/11/2023 15:07

My niece eats chocolate covered crickets. She says they're lovely.

I would have to be literally starving before I'd try them.

I've seen TV programmes showing people eating deep fried tarantulas, it's honestly 50/50 whether I'd just accept death instead 😂

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 02/11/2023 15:07

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 02/11/2023 14:55

Same. She could even generalise it a little bit (which would make it less harder to google) 😂

"legumes" instead of beans
purple fruit of the nightshade family instead of aubergines
crispy insects (instead of grashoppers) on a bed of fragrant grains (instead of wild rice) with yuzu infusion and a medley of seasonal vegetables

And now I´m hungry. wonderful BlushHmm

Show quote history

"less harder" was obviously not what I meant to write. Ooops 😂

gannett · 02/11/2023 15:07

HamBone · 02/11/2023 14:43

@Hardbackwriter There’s more than just insects on there, just not anything I like the sound of.

My real question is whether I can say to SIL that I don’t like the choice of restaurant without causing offense? I’ve never done this before as, despite what posters are saying, I’m not generally fussy with food!

Show quote history

How are you spinning this out into such a drama?

"Really sorry but that place doesn't sound up my street. How about X or Y or Z instead?" - where X, Y and Z are different restaurants that you've researched and think might be suitable for everyone.

It's called communication and having a conversation. I don't know why you're talking about conflict and caving in.

I'm frequently the one who picks restaurants for group meals, because I love food and restaurants and trying new cuisines. If someone doesn't fancy a particular one I'd far rather they told me, so we could collectively find somewhere that everyone will enjoy, rather than martyrishly turning up and not eating.

Mikimoto · 02/11/2023 15:08

Bit sneaky, but could you "blame" it on the teens, saying they saw on GoogleMaps there's a [RibShack] nearby and had always wanted to go to one?!
(and SIL can have the aubergines the following week!)

slore · 02/11/2023 15:10

"Hey SIL, I don't fancy this restaurant, can we go to a different one?"

Startagainjanuary · 02/11/2023 15:14

My husbands a bit like you and your son thankfully my son and I are very adaptable. Go and enjoy the family gathering and have a soft drink only but if your husbands partaking in the family meal at least let him enjoy some wine with his food and you be the designated driver. I love my husband and I tolerate his food fussiness but I don’t think you should inflict this on the rest of your family. Stay quiet about your distaste for the restaurant choice and you and your son can both say you are feeling a bit under the weather.