SIL’s Restaurant Choice-not sure what to say/do?

[HamBone]

This is a very first-world dilemma, but I’d welcome opinions on how to handle this.

Thanksgiving is coming up here in the US and we’re having a family get-together with DH’s side. Yesterday, DH told me that one of his sister’s wants to arrange a meal out to a specialist restaurant that weekend and I’ve just taken a look at the menu. Its’s very limited and I can’t see a single item that I’d like to eat. DS won’t be keen either. We’re not fussy eaters at all, but there’s nothing available that we’d want to pay for. Plus, it’s not particularly cheap.

How should I approach this with SIL? I think that she wants to try this restaurant and likes the idea of arranging a family outing, but it’s daft to waste money on food people don’t want. Will we be party poopers if I gently say that it’s not to our tastes, but we’re happy for everyone else to go and we’ll see them later?

I feel bad about this though. ☹️

You sound fussy.

Just say that you don't want to go to that resturant....? No need to lie or make excuses.

I'm not hugely fussed about italian food, so if someone suggests we go to an italian I just ask if we can do something different. It's not a big deal.

Op I think the issue is you. I don’t believe for one moment all 12 dishes are full of grasshoppers and crickets and other weird items. You’re clearly very fussy and going out for a thanksgiving meal and sitting watching them eat whilst you have a drink is beyond odd. If you won’t eat for whatever reason be it money or fussiness just don’t go, but don’t be weird.

I think if there's nothing you'd eat on the menu I'd say it to SIL. It'd be a bit awkward you sitting there not eating.

I'd have said the same when it was aubergines but now it's crickets that's a big no from me!!

it's the Saturday after TG

@Hardbackwriter There’s more than just insects on there, just not anything I like the sound of.

My real question is whether I can say to SIL that I don’t like the choice of restaurant without causing offense? I’ve never done this before as, despite what posters are saying, I’m not generally fussy with food!

Of course you can say to SIL you'd rather go somewhere else. Only the most uptight of uptight arses would object to that.

Yes. And?
I definitely recommend crispy meal worms with BBQ seasoning. Low fat, high protein, taste like BBQ crisps! Absolutely delightful.

And you´re surely not claiming that all 12 menu items are insect based, are you?

Why do you object this vehemently to being called a fussy eater? It is not a moral failing.
Preferring a cheaper restaurant is perfectly acceptable as well.

Just be honest, it's not a big deal. It's not really somewhere you all fancy going, could we pick something else?

If she wants to try the bugs then she can go another time.

Re. The beans and aubergines. They’re not actually on the menu, I was just giving examples of a couple of items that I don’t like. I only dislike black beans, love other varieties.

I'm confused. So you don't like aubergines, or black beans (not on the menu), and also you don't like 12 other ingredients which are on the menu? That's 14 things you don't like, as well as seasoning! This sounds fussy!

OP pleeeeease copy and paste the menu - NOT the name of the restaurant or anything identifying, just the actual list of options. I am DESPERATE 😂

...and yes, very bored at work.

Just tell her you have gone vegan..

Yes, you owe us this much OP!

If she does this, SIL might enthusiastically suggest a place with dishes full of aubergine and black beans 😂

Having read all your posts OP, I think the place sounds awful. Perhaps some other members of the group may not be so keen either.

If the sil wants to try this place then she should go herself and not inflict it on everyone.

Just be honest and say you don't like to look of the menu, there must be a place that suits all.

If I was paying a lot for a meal I would definitely want to enjoy it.

No one can answer that question because none of us is your SIL.

I posted an AIBU on here not long ago about something my SIL is offended by and 97% of Mumsnetters thought she was batshit. She is still offended.

Here are your choices:

1. You go to this restaurant. You spend a lot of money. You and your son and potentially other family members don't like it. Your SIL loves it and is oblivious to the fact that other people haven't enjoyed it.
2. You go to this restaurant. You spend a lot of money. You and your son and potentially other family members don't like it. Your SIL loves the food but feels awkward because she can tell that other people haven't enjoyed it.
3. You go to this restaurant. You spend a lot of money. You and your son and potentially other family members don't like it. Your SIL also doesn't enjoy either the food or the atmosphere.
4. You say, "Great idea to go for a meal, but crickets and grasshoppers really aren't my thing, could we go to a different restaurant instead?" and your SIL is fine with it.
5. You say, "Great idea to go for a meal, but crickets and grasshoppers really aren't my thing, could we go to a different restaurant instead?" and your SIL is offended.

None of us can tell how she is going to react if you suggest going to another restaurant.

But you would not be unreasonable to ask.

I’m going to do some work and will report back when I’ve spoken to SIL.

I expect I’ll cave in and go, unless other relatives also rebel. 🤣

You're in the states, you can request that the restaurant whip you up a bland meal. Call ahead and make the request and I'm sure they can sort you out some steamed rice and veg or something similar.

Oh just seen the update. It's now in fact insects on the menu! Why in earth wouldn't you say that at the outset?!

If you’re genuinely not fussy and the menu really is as weird you’re making out then I’m sure saying you don’t fancy it will be fine! Most people aren’t so obtuse that they think everyone enjoys that sort of food and probably a least one other family member will thank you for it!

The insect thing is weird though, if it’s true that it’s a significant feature on the menu then why didn’t you lead with that rather than blathering on about aubergines? You likely would have got very different responses!!

Ok OP, I've changed my mind. I was going to say you do sound a bit fussy, BUT if it's insects (and I don't know what else maybe more adventurous offal?!) then I'm with you - I absolutely will not be eating that so yes would rather not go to such a restaurant. So I would raise it actually I don't think that's unreasonable - if it's really that niche then I think that's someone everyone needs to be on board with, otherwise if it's let all have a family meal out together then just pick a slightly more universally appealing restaurant!

If you go, buy meals. Do not sit there watching them eat. And do not sit there saying ooh thanks just a little taste and eating their meals.

either go, order, eat,or stay home.

Can you call the restaurant and ask if they can cook some variants of things on the menu that would be acceptable eg if they have chicken in a sauce, can they serve without the sauce? Or can they do a plain steak for example?
Many restaurants will accommodate if you ask nicely

It’s not all insects, it was never going to be, now she just doesn’t fancy it.

OP just saw your updates. I'd still contact the restaurant and see if they can make up a plain meal for you. If they can't, I think it's ok for you to bow out on this occasion.

Your SIL has made a really odd choice for Thanksgiving.