Entrance exam vs lunch

[Ivesaidenough]

We have agreed to go to a lunch my PIL are holding for their anniversary, it was planned and booked several months ago. Lots of people, not just us, fancy restaurant.
Since then, one of the schools DS was meant to be applying for has released their entrance exam date, and it's on the same day. It's our nearest school, and the most likely to offer DS a scholarship. We can't afford private school without one. DP says DS can't go now as we've already agreed to the lunch.

AIBU to still want DS to do the exam?

Of course the exam takes priority. Your DH is being ridiculous.

Because its OPs choice to have her kid sit this exam. Its not mandatory, its not a gramnar school system. Its private education, elective. Every person who doesn't sit these exams has made that choice by default.
And you are saying that by choosing not to that I don't care about by child's education and not prioritising.
I had no reason my child could not sit an exam for a school I could not afford. I think they would have passed, quite easily and even scored quite high. But I didn't do it. You are saying I don't care.

There is nothing in this thread to suggest OPs child is exceptional.

If your son received an invite to a kids party and it clashed with his grandparents anniversary meal, then I would be on the side of your DH and say that he has a prior arrangement and can't go to the party.

However, this is to do with your son, where he might go to school and impact on his education and future prospects. If I found out later in life that my Dad was playing fast and loose with my education because he wanted me to attend my grandparents anniversary meal I'd be very pissed off.

Take your son to do the entrance exam. Your DH can represent his family at this anniversary celebration.

My point is, if its such a no brained that this open exam for a private school takes priority I assume every single person saying so put their children in for similar?
If you didn't why not?
And maybe OPs DP has similar reasons

It’s only a simple solution if there is someone who is available and willing to help. Not everyone has family and friends who would be able to do that.

@Mumof2teens79

My point is, if its such a no brained that this open exam for a private school takes priority I assume every single person saying so put their children in for similar?

You're focusing exclusively on the fact that this is a private school exam though and missing the wider point.

My personal view is that if you have an opportunity to get a high quality education at a much lower cost than the ticket value and choose not to try, you're limiting your child's options.

That said, people have (valid) reasons for not wanting to privately educate their child and I respect that. There are many ways to educate a child well without private school and if people are confident that they are able to provide the best range of outcomes for their child without sending them private, I totally respect that.

But this is a much broader point: it's the inability of the DP to focus on the big picture and an inability or unwillingness to put his child's needs before his or his parents. He's decided that an anniversary lunch for his parents is more important than taking a chance which could potentially give his children a massive advantage.

It could just as easily be a school-related option in state education. It could be that his child has a place at a state secondary and he's choosing to pass up an induction day because of the grandparents' lunch. It doesn't have to something linked to private school.

But he is clearly someone who puts short term gratification, and/or keeping his parents happy, ahead of the longer term needs of his child. This suggests someone who doesn't value education, someone with very limited critical thinking skills and someone who doesn't value or respect his partner's opinions.

It's just not evidence of someone who is a good dad or a supportive partner. Or someone who can be trusted to prioritise this.

Sod the lunch, this exam could be pivotal in his education and potentially career, education comes first in my eyes.

No, YANBU. How could any step taken to ensure the future of your child nót be more important than ....oh wel.....anything? And your in-laws should encourage your child to take the exam, not haggling about a lunch. A lunch, are you serious?

So yeah, you've sorted it out OP, but you're still married to a man who doesn't prioritise his son's needs to sit an exam over his parents' needs to have everyone paraded before them at lunch. What are you going to do about that? Ring the school ask if they've got any alternative husbands ...?!

So,on this occasion it’s sorted what about next time your dh takes an intractable stand
Don’t know what you’re relieved about,your dh prioritised a meal over son education
This isn’t over. It’ll be a different fight,different event next time,same husband. You left trying to placate and mediate

Did you mean to quote me @Mumof2teens79 ? Only I can't see that I've posted anything remotely related to what you've said. I haven't discussed the child at all, exceptional or otherwise.
I'm not saying anything about you or your choices at all (unless you're op?), just that I'd have called the school myself.
Bizarre

Exam exam exam and I'd question why anyone would say otherwise. No way OP, they have to be at the exam and never mind the fall out from the rest of the (frankly ridiculous and short sighted) family

Just seen your update OP, glad it's sorted. Although your DH still has very screwed priorities. Will you be showing him 2000 strangers agree...

I would send an apology for you and DS and make sure he sat the exam but no reason for your DH not to attend the lunch?

No I don't think I did, sorry

You are definitely NOT BU! Neither of you should go to the lunch. Both of you should be at home the evening before and morning of the exam, reassuring your DS that he can do well and keeping calm. Lunch and what you may be missing shouldn’t even be mentioned! Good luck to your son and I hope he knows he has one wonderful parent!

Cheers. Sorry for being a grump. Bad day.

Fwiw one of mine did take an entrance exam then decided he'd much rather go to a local comp! Aced it there too.

SP needs to give his head a wobble.

This Is a windup surely? Who would prioritise a meal over your sons future?

Why should everyone miss out on the meal, surely that puts a lot of pressure on the child. In order to do well he has to not only pass the exam but score enough for a scholarship so whilst not impossible it’s not a given. He should know that it is not the end of the world if he doesn’t succeed.

Totally agree that’s why I said lunch and what ever you are missing should not be mentioned. So NO pressure on the child. The boy should be given the best possible chance to pass the exam, and that includes a peaceful few hours at home. What ever the parents teach him about failing is not the point of the original post.

We've had a dance exam which ended up being on a Sunday. We had to miss a family event because it wasn't fair that our child had worked really hard if we'd cancelled it. People should understand that.

You take your DS to the exam. I cannot believe anything that trumps this…… certainly not a meal!!

Beyond ludicrous that there is even a discussion in your head about this.
Exam. Exam. Exam.
My goodness 🙄

Education comes first before a stupid lunch. DS should go and do the exam. How ridiculous of your partner.

As a grandparent who as just had a milestone anniversary I would have changed the date if my GS needed to sit exam. His future is more important. Tell DH to give his head a wobble.