To be envious that Victoria Coren Mitchell has a second baby at 51

[Monetm]

https://www.ok.co.uk/tv/breaking-victoria-coren-mitchell-baby-31338022.amp

Just that, really. I’m sure there will be a lot of posts on here about it’s too old and she should have done it sooner, but given that she didn’t, I am envious that she has the money and the luck and the situation to be able to do it now.

Can you imagine how different women’s lives would be if we just didn’t have to worry so much about the end of our fertility?

OP's question -Can you imagine how different women’s lives would be if we just didn’t have to worry so much about the end of our fertility?

To answer your question directly OP, as all of the child bearing and most of the child rearing usually falls to the woman that sounds horrendous. I think it's a positive that we have a short window of fertility, thus freeing us up for more than motherhood. The possibility of popping them out till 80, for example, sounds awful. This notion suits those who want to live their life first on the promise that they'll get to do the mum stuff later when it suits them but we're not biologically set up this way, so the reality is to have them reasonably early or hope you have the finances/luck to get away with advanced geriatric pregnancy and elderly parenthood.

but can we PLEASE now declare a moratorium on posters saying ‘oh no I certainly wouldn’t want one now, can’t think of anything worse, I’ve already had my three children long ago’ 🙄🙄🙄. You are totally missing the point of this thread

Well perhaps you should have been a LOT more coherent and clear about your actual question in your opening post.

Some posters read an OP and reply with their opinion before reading the rest of the thread. You're not the thread police.

But you are apparently…

YANBU. I'm 35, not in a situation to start a family but desperately hoping to in the future and it would be amazing if I could guarantee having some fertility at 51.

I imagine most successful pregnancies over the age of 45 are either with previously frozen embryos or with the use of donor eggs though?

Why is childlessness so terrible? I would prefer it to waiting up for a 16 year old to get in when I am 67. I really would.

We're all different and have different ideas about how we want our lives to look. If I was given a choice tomorrow of having babies in my late 40s/50s (so over a decade from now) or never having a family I would pick the former.

I'm pointing out that you shouldn't be sarky about posters replies (including eye roll emoji) when it's your own fault in the first place.

Having had my son at 43 I am fervently hoping that will be the case for me. But my Mum died at 66 and my father at 53 and I have several friends who have lost one or both parents under 70.

@Rosesandstars yes, we are indeed. And some DC are easier than others, and there may be some easy teens ( though clearly not in my house).

Though I do think a family does not necessarily have to have children.

Well, as you pointed out yourself in a subsequent post, your OP wasn't actually 100% clear, which is presumably why you posted again to clarify what you were asking.

You have asked if it is unreasonable to be envious of someone having a baby later in life. And by definition, some people will join you in that envy, and others will not. And their reasons for joining you or not in being envious will surely depend on their own personal circumstances i.e. whether they have already had children, or feel strongly that unless someone has had children by a certain age then they should draw a line under having a family, etc.

Maybe if you'd qualified in the OP that people who had already had children shouldn't reply, because their replies would inevitably miss the point, then you'd have received more satisfactory answers.

Same as @WhatapityWapiti and @Bluekangaroo123. I’m 44 and wouldn’t want another baby now, plus random celebrities’ fertility choices are none of my business. I’m pleased that VCM and DM are happy.

However, as the mother of an only child I do always get a bit of a pang when people you assumed were ‘one and done’ go on to have a second, especially where there’s a big gap like this. The fact that people will go to such extraordinary lengths to avoid ending up with just one child makes me worry that onlies like my own DD will always be slightly pitied or seen as somehow ‘lesser’, and that the choice of women like myself to stick with one will never be fully normalised by society.

God all of these comments slating her.

You've no idea if she had trouble conceiving and that's the reason why she's had her babies at an older age.

Unless you've been through fertility problems / infertility you have absolutely no idea how awful it is to want something so precious.

Some mothers sadly die young, a long life with your children is never guaranteed

Good for her, wish her all the best

@Siameasy ”higher risk of autism” based on what evidence?

Congratulations to her. I'm 52 with teenagers and all that they come with. I love them so much and treasure every moment but cannot imagine dealing with puberty then later being on call in the early hours of the morning for lifts, and the cost of uni and house deposits in my 70s. But that's coming from my own viewpoint so it's obviously very one-sided because I'm lucky that I already have children. I wouldn't judge others.

@TempsPerduwhat if the baby wasn’t planned? Would this be ok with you or should they have “been more careful”?

Her behaviour on I'll get this on BBC a few years ago towards Martin Kemp, which was edited, was quite alarming and if sex roles had been reversed, I'm sure their would have a outcry.

@Lentilweaver are you childless?

I had my DS at 44. Feel I’ve had the best of both worlds.

I don’t think this should be normalised. I think if it was more common there would be a lot of commentary 30 years later from these children about how hard it is to be having their own children at an age when their parents are needing care too.

Unless the woman had been lucky enough to be able to afford to freeze their own eggs at a younger age the mostly likely scenario is that the egg has been donated. There is now a large community of donor conceived people who feel that this is very wrong.

I find this sentiment quite confusing. We had our youngest in our 40s by accident. This happens. Is it somehow more selfish to give the child life than to have an abortion? Things don't always go to plan for many reasons, why so much judgement?

I'm sure the baby is much wanted and will be much loved. Certainly will be financially secure which I imagine helps a lot with anyone's worries of being and having an older parent.

As for anyone's age and method of conception. None of my business.

I wish them both, and the new big sister well.

@OffendedScot no. but why is that relevant. OP's post is a bit vague, but she is asking if posters would prefer to be childless rather than have DC at 51. Regardless of whether they have DC or not, no?

And yes, I would. Not least because DH is older, has health issues and plans to retire in a few years.

It's not even the nappy and newborn stuff that puts me off - that bit's over and done with fairly quickly and with their lifestyle you can imagine theyll pay someone to help - for me it's the YEARS of school runs, birthday parties, weekends sat at trampoline parks that I just couldn't be arsed with. So nope not for me.

However they come across as nice people and better suited to parenting than some of the horrors I see out and about, so good luck to them.

I don't think it's overly fair on the child. I'm in my early 40s and my friends parents are sadly starting to pass away and my own are elderly as they were older parents.
I don't think being older 50plus man or women is fair on the child

I agree op, I think it’s lovely news.