To be envious that Victoria Coren Mitchell has a second baby at 51

[Monetm]

https://www.ok.co.uk/tv/breaking-victoria-coren-mitchell-baby-31338022.amp

Just that, really. I’m sure there will be a lot of posts on here about it’s too old and she should have done it sooner, but given that she didn’t, I am envious that she has the money and the luck and the situation to be able to do it now.

Can you imagine how different women’s lives would be if we just didn’t have to worry so much about the end of our fertility?

How does being high profile make you immune to the strains and stresses of life? Money can't buy everything. If by "resources" you mean they can outsource all the hard work, then what is the point of having a child?

I've been dealing with fertility issues for over a decade and it looks like it will never happen for me and it's heartbreaking, and has taken over my life.

Despite all of that, I wouldn't try to get pregnant in my 50s. That is about the parents and is nothing but a selfish decision with no thought to a teenager having a 70 year old parent, if they're lucky enough to survive that late. And then of course they'll be expected to care for the elderly parent. I wouldn't ever do that to a future child even if it means I never have one.

@OffendedScot I’m not saying they should have stuck at one, or even that she’s too old - good luck to them!

It’s more that when you’re aware that your own family set up isn’t ‘the norm’, and that there’s still a degree of societal disapproval (as there doubtless is regarding one-child families) it’s nice to have visible ‘allies’ who seem to have made the same choice - until they suddenly haven’t.

It’s like when I finally came across the only other mum of one in DD’s school year - it was nice until she started asking me what my ‘problem’ was and whether I’d be going for IVF to try to have the second child that I obviously must still want.

I understand it. Having my first made me 100% certain I wanted another.

This happened to a friend of mine. Late 40s thought she was going through the menopause but was pregnant. She has since passed away in her 70s from cancer and her husband lived another 10 years and died in his 80s. The son is one of 5 and is happy with his own wife and kids. Sad he didn't have as many years with his parents as his siblings but still had a happy fulfilling life.

DS (7) and I were discussing a potential change of use for our spare bedroom the other day and he said “but we might need another bedroom one day”. I asked him who he thought might come to live with us ( thinking he meant Granny maybe) and he said “well you might be pregnant one day”. I realised that while DS knows my age he doesn’t know about average childbearing years or the menopause! He has never asked for a sibling and he tends to dislike the disruption caused by his friends’ siblings. So he was very relieved when I told him that it was very unlikely for someone my age to have a baby. Poor thing had been worrying needlessly for ages and we had never thought to tell him!

Sorry to be dim but why is that the question? VCM already had a child so it's not a matter of a baby at 51 or none. Obviously she can do as she pleases, but what's it got to do with no children vs a child at 51?

Have to wonder why all the comments on how she looks? Can't see the relevance. This thread is making me broody but no OP, I wouldn't sign up at 51.

Friend's DH will be 70 next year, and her dd 15. It's not ideal. Bet V&D are lovely parents tho.

You don't know how many eggs or embryos they may have had. Or even if they had an egg donor much younger when she was 43 and had 20 frozen. I have had a lot of ivf, but know of people having much more than me over the course of many years.

they won’t be pensioners though will they? I should imagine they would carryon being on TV, writing and bring a world class poker player. Don’t sound too awful actually.

My son’s friend was 10 when his mum, 42 died. He was youngest of three. I’m in my 50s and my parents, both in their late 80s are still alive and active, not spritely but more than able to live independently and enjoy a good social life. Both play golf and belong to the U3A.

No it doesn't! My grandmother had my aunt at 54. Accidentally, but definitely naturally.

A baby at 51 no thankyou! Im looking forward to the hopeful prospect of grandkids now (although tbh that isnt a altogether likely)
Babies are noisy and a lot of effort and a 20+ years commitment. Not an easy task at an age when many are looking forward towards retirement.

YANBU - VCM is super-bright, attractive, successful, married to a super-bright, successful man who seemingly adores her... and she gets to do all her successful stuff before having kids in her 40s and now her 50s. If you are a woman who felt that they had to make compromises in their life as a result of wanting to have kids and feeling constrained by the biological clock then of course YANBU to feel envious of this apparently ideal outcome for VCM.

They seem like lovely pair but they will of course have to deal with shit the way the rest of us have to. Good luck to them and to all of us.

Agree with this^ plus a lot of money
I do feel envious but not because she has another baby at 51 but because she can afford this, it’s the main factor.
Having babies becomes a rich people privilege.

@BrontëParsonage your children are very very lucky to have you. Seems to be a lot of judgement going on.

My mum was an older mum (had me in her early 40’s). She was fantastic and had more energy than anyone I have ever known. Very liberal and forward thinking as well. She continued to play sport and exercise well into her 70’s.

My experience was different. My partner and children’s father died at 36 when they were all little. No one knows what the future holds.

My friend, who was trying to conceive in her late 30’s, got thoroughly fed up with people telling her that they couldn’t think of anything worse at that age, it wasn’t for them etc. It was mainly people who had had their children early ,when they had wanted them, and had never struggled to conceive. No one was asking them to do it and it’s very insensitive to people who are struggling with infertility and know that the clock is against them.

Congratulations to VC, she has decided it is right for her and It will obviously be a much wanted child.

Can’t think of anything worse than having a baby at 51. Good luck to her etc etc , but god no,just no.

Yes.

I am 40 and I so wanted a third for about three years. I got a dog. Because I am too old.

There's a reason women stop being able to have children naturally at a certain age.
So let's stop pretending that a woman in her 50s having a child is a good idea.

One game of poker for Victoria will probably pay for many many many carers. If the need arises.

It will be a donor egg so technically she could have been even older.

I'm not envious, no. 51 is not an ideal age to have a baby. I'm sure she can afford lots of help though, so she might not have to cope with broken nights etc.
She will be in her mid sixties with a teenager, so there's nothing to envy in that.

AIBU to think a baby at 51 is better than no baby if you want one?
Yes, I agree. I wish all the best to her, her husband and both their DC.

I had children in my late 30s, later than I'd planned, because of fertility struggles. I already worry about being an older mum and how that will effect them, so I personally wouldn't have wanted to have babies in my 50s.