To be envious that Victoria Coren Mitchell has a second baby at 51

[Monetm]

https://www.ok.co.uk/tv/breaking-victoria-coren-mitchell-baby-31338022.amp

Just that, really. I’m sure there will be a lot of posts on here about it’s too old and she should have done it sooner, but given that she didn’t, I am envious that she has the money and the luck and the situation to be able to do it now.

Can you imagine how different women’s lives would be if we just didn’t have to worry so much about the end of our fertility?

Good grief. When I am 51 I want to be free to travel the world again.

It'll be a lot easier for her to be an older mum than for other people. She & DM are really wealthy and having money makes everything easier; she can hire nannies / au pair / night nanny etc. etc.

Most press articles quote the lovely bit from DM’s autobiography about how he and VCM got together. However the book is also very eloquent on his happy early childhood, and how his parents (both in their late twenties when he was born) brought him up. He comments at one point that he finds it crazy they had a 4 year old at age 31 instead of just messing about getting drunk and having fun with their mates. The vibe is not that they were good parents because they were young, but that they were good parents despite being young. The definite impression is that he has thought hard and has very clear ideas of good parenting and feels a bit of a late developer in that regard.

I'm early 30s but I totally get it. My Mum and Dad died young and Dad needed care when I was in my 20s despite being young, so I suppose I'm looking at things from a different angle. I think life moves in strange ways and they're clearly comfortably off so I'm sure should they be ill in there 70s they would have plenty of outsourced help.

Not for me but only 5/6 years older than several women I know who've recentlyhad DC. DM had her last well into her 40s over 40 years ago.
They're obviously wealthy, both parents are alive and she is clearly wanted. I'm shocked at the negative comments.

I think the PP who said "most people live healthily into their 80's" is deluded as are he posters who say it's really common to get pregnant over 50.

I don't envy them at all, I think it's bonkers and selfish.

Money gives you slightly more choices but certainly doesn't help with care of an elderly parent. Money doesn't solve everything and doesn't take away the mental load. You don't just bung them in a home and leave them!

I’m envious of her looks. Couldn’t be less envious of her having a baby at 51.

I think because they are celebrities and probably have plenty of money it’s an ok age to have a baby. They can probably afford nanny’s if they want them 24/7 and will be able to afford care in their old age that won’t impact the children. I wouldn’t want a baby at that age myself. In my 40s I find I need lots of sleep and so couldn’t cope with the sleepless nights.

I don't think anyone has said most people lived healthily into their 80s. But a lot of people do and there is no reason why the Mitchells shouldn't. Yes, of course there is luck involved but there is at any age. I don't think it's selfish at all of them, not like idiots like Mick Jagger and others fathering kids in their 70s just to show they've still got it. This is a couple who got together later in life and had their kids later, probably feeling very fortunate that they could. My cousin just had a baby in her 40s, they have been trying for ten years.

I'm well aware people can die young. My dad lost his mum when we has in his teens, my cousin barely made his thirties and my uncle died in his 40s.

I could not agree more with @KimberleyClark and @mikado1 about the mental load of dealing with elderly parents. It's been very shocking to me as my parents had a rapid concurrent decline in their 80s. Mine are wealthy and can afford live-in care so I'm not doing the coalface stuff but I spend hours dealing with doctors, the care agency, organising equipment. It's unbelievably thankless but I have the benefit of being in my 50s and pretty hardened to being pushy when necessary.

My parents are intelligent people but they were in wilful denial and were obstinate about accepting that their lives had changed.

Hopefully the Coren-Mitchells will be do sensible things in their 60s (while shuffling round secondary school open evenings) like POAs, making plans to move into more suitable accommodation ahead of time, financial planning, living wills etc.

I have found negotiating my parents' ever changing needs and the different parties to be the most thankless, exhausting and miserable experience of my life. And I've had a teenager with a two-year mental health illness. I would have hated to have had to do it in my 20s or 30s when you're barely adult.

Money helps but it doesn't innoculate you from it all.

One might argue that the mental load of dealing with elderly parents is easier to cope with in your 20s. It's hardly ideal to be in the sandwich generation with young kids and elderly parents when you've had your kids in the Mumsnet prescribed window of between 30 and 39.

Not if you have any sort of serious career, which would need a lot of time and energy in your 20s to get established. And you might also be forming a romantic relationship yourself. I’d rather juggle kids and high needs parent than job, dating and high needs parent.

I'm 34 and feel I'm too old for a second TBH.

Had my youngest when I was 43. There are pluses and minuses. Financially and emotionally I was well prepared and this was a big plus. I did feel quite exhausted and I am sure if I had had children younger I might not have been so tired. Still glad I did though.

I'm in exactly the same boat and it's horrible - you're totally right it's the mental load and permeant feeling of guilt / dread.

However I'm 43 with kids of my own that need me. So hard.

My parents had me in their 40s and I wish for so many reasons they had been younger. The generation gap is massive and they've never really understood my life. They're almost Victorian in their views and very conservative and judgemental.

I vaguely know someone who had a child in their 50s, husband 60s and both parents (who seemed in fine health) started soon after with serious health issues. Just no fun for that poor kid.

I like both of them v much so good luck to them but it is selfish.

Know this is none of my business but I'm so curious as to how she got preggo?! I can't imagine it at my age never mind 50+.

I don’t know VCM, obviously but am a fan of her work and Only Connect and she she has a great mind and not many would guess her age. I feel very happy for her and DM — they got together rather later in life than many. They have enough money to employee people to take care of their household and the chores and admin stuff that grinds most parents down, leaving them free to spend time and energy with their DC.
Surely personal circumstances take precedence over age. They are best placed to judge whether they can give June Violet and her sister Barbara a good and loving upbringing.
So my response is to agree with you OP and to congratulate the happy parents

I know you don't agree with your MIL anyway but I'd just like to add if we were to stop having babies in our 30's we would be missing out on potentially 20 baby making years! If you started being sexually active at 16 that would mean you had just 14 years to have babies. So more than half the time mother nature has allocated to us would be wasted! Go tell your MIL that! 😛😜Within reason, I think we should leave it up to mother nature and for those saying older parents isn't fair on the child, there is a small point to that (and I say that as having older parents myself) HOWEVER, people are generally living longer and younger parents are not the be all and end all. I loved hearing my parents and grandparents experiences which were on average at their prime 10-15 years earlier than my schoolyard counterparts.

*HangingOver · Yesterday 22:05

Feels tough on the kid that when they should be carefree in their twenties they could be minding their folks who are in their 70s... Or starting families in their 30s and simultaneously worrying about their parents in their 80s... Still I suppose anything could happen to anyone at any time*

Why would they be “minding their folks” who are 70s or even 80s

I am not far off 70 and the idea that I would be wrecking 20+ year old dcs lives as I would need minding is quite frankly ageist.

I’m living a similar life to you right now.
50, in peri with a 15 and 18 year old. 80 year old parents, mum has Alzheimer’s and dad expects my dsis and I to be on hand all the time. It’s and emotional and physical hell. They have money and can afford care but it’s the mental overload of knowing my parents need help now. I feel like I have gained two more dc.

I can not imagine going through this in my late 20’s/early 30’s when my life is just starting and I should be enjoying life as a young adult.

I don’t know why people are bleating on how it’s ok to have kids so late on life if you are well-off, that doesn’t ease the emotional and mental stress of having elderly, poorly and frail parents whilst you are still fairly young.

I struggled to conceive in my 20’s and had my two at 32 and 35, I feel that was too old tbh so the idea of babies/toddlers in my 50’s is out of the question imo and I will make plans so my dc will not have to care for me (or dh) when and if we get into old age.

I think it is very selfish, she is thinking more about her wants than the experience of the child.
It's all very well saying l am fit and well at 51 but fast forward 10/15 years and it can look very different. No one wants a 70+ parent at their graduation !
In my mid 50s l am juggling full time work, elderly parents with dementia and two teens one doing GCSEs this year and one doing A-levels and with extra health needs....I am lucky with my health but am dependent on my HRT to keep up and get so tired.

I had my last child at 39. If l had not had them by 40 l was going to stop trying.

We don't 'deserve' children, we are lucky if we get them and it is very sad if not but this should never trump the needs of the child.

Randomuser9876 a couple of dds friends have lost both their parents.

One lost her father at 15 and then her mother died 3 years later. Another lost her dad was she was a baby and her mum never remarried and she lost her mum at 21.
None of these parents made it to 40

Valleyofthedollymix · Today 11:22

I could not agree more with @KimberleyClark and @mikado1 about the mental load of dealing with elderly parents. It's been very shocking to me as my parents had a rapid concurrent decline in their 80s. Mine are wealthy and can afford live-in care so I'm not doing the coalface stuff but I spend hours dealing with doctors, the care agency, organising equipment. It's unbelievably thankless but I have the benefit of being in my 50s and pretty hardened to being pushy when necessary.

My parents are intelligent people but they were in wilful denial and were obstinate about accepting that their lives had changed.

Hopefully the Coren-Mitchells will be do sensible things in their 60s (while shuffling round secondary school open evenings) like POAs, making plans to move into more suitable accommodation ahead of time, financial planning, living wills etc.

I have found negotiating my parents' ever changing needs and the different parties to be the most thankless, exhausting and miserable experience of my life. And I've had a teenager with a two-year mental health illness. I would have hated to have had to do it in my 20s or 30s when you're barely adult.

Money helps but it doesn't innoculate you from it all.

This is so true and well put ^

Wow so many ageist people on this thread... it is no ones busy what age you have your children.

There are advantages and disadvantages to being a "young" or "old" parent. My mum was a teenager when she had me and died in her 50s so never got to see her children grow up let alone see any grandchildren. This kind of people makes my blood boil as no one would care if the dad was 51!

You also can't assume your children will look after you as you get older....while I appreciate the mental load of looking after ageing parents I wish I had that luxury!

Good luck to them, I say.

They seem like a really nice couple of people, they're not short of a bob or two so will be able to afford to buy in help, and got together relatively late (40-ish,I believe).