To be envious that Victoria Coren Mitchell has a second baby at 51

[Monetm]

https://www.ok.co.uk/tv/breaking-victoria-coren-mitchell-baby-31338022.amp

Just that, really. I’m sure there will be a lot of posts on here about it’s too old and she should have done it sooner, but given that she didn’t, I am envious that she has the money and the luck and the situation to be able to do it now.

Can you imagine how different women’s lives would be if we just didn’t have to worry so much about the end of our fertility?

Obviously don't know your situation but unless your reasons for waiting are a massive deal-breaker (finances for example) I would just get on with it. I started trying at 25 but didn't have my first until I was 30.

My eldest will be 25 when I’m 51. Possibly starting his own family. I have worked with mums in their late 40s/early 50s and they seem to do just fine, but I can’t imagine it for myself!

I had my baby at 39 and worry every day about dying too soon and leaving her. I agree that rah rah isn't it all great to an extent but no amount of money buys old age - and to be 70 when your dc is 20 just feels unfair. The switch from kid to carer will happen too soon.

You’ve got absolutely no evidence whatsoever that this happened. She’s been successful in her career for decades and married late, so it’s just as likely she froze her own eggs.

Every planned baby is a selfish wish of the parents

There are lots of keyboard judges out today!

My tale of woe:

Background: My parents, PIL, DH, etc are all fit and well. Have caused no issues. My husband is great. PIL great. Even dog is great. We all live in and around Oxford.

Me: 50 yo Menopausal working mum of 15, 17 and 20 yo. All conceived and born to plan.

My life: I have it all but it’s a nightmare. Right now I wish I’d never had kids. Tbh, I’ve thought this at every challenging time. PND, breast cancer, soft play, school gate…

This isn’t in any way age related.

I so wanted children but I often wonder if I’m cut out for it.

Until you have children you’ve absolutely no idea what it’s like to have children. Had one been chronically ill, challenging, my husband left me, I dread to think what.

From the outside in, people think my life is pretty good. From the inside out, I often want to run far away. And according to this thread, I had my children at the time many tell me I should have in the circumstances many say I should.

Had I been childless, I would have been a broken woman. I’d have tried all and anything to have children. Then found myself right here, just older. Menopause for me is awful, but so was PND and cancer. Soft play and the judgey school gate.

A friend of mine is pregnant at 46 and I'm delighted for her. Her first child, much wanted after years of IVF. Speaking personally I can't imagine going through it all again but then I already have two children - this will be all new for her. None of us knows what's in our futures.

Beautiful name though I think. June.

I had my last child at 42, so I'll have a nine year old when I'm 51. Fair play to her. No way in hell would I be prepared to have a newborn at 51. A nine year old will be challenging enough I'm sure! My eldest will be 18 then, so hopefully starting university.

She may not have not tries again until now. This could be her final egg after several loses. It could be an unplanned menopause baby. It isn't our business to know.

Good luck to her, I love them both!

I'm 38, I would like a second baby but it's very unlikely to happen for me for several reasons/circumstances. If I got pregnant so late in life I'd go ahead with it but I can only imagine the toll it takes on the body. They must be exhausted.

I know someone who was born to a mum of 49/50 and they spent a lot of time in their 20s and 30s looking after ill and elderly parents. I know life can throw these curveballs and we never know what is around the corner but it is a bit old to be having a baby.

My personal cut off would be 45.

I don't know. I didn't WANT to become a mum at 21. Wasn't in my plan at all and we certainly werent in a the position we wanted to be (financially, socially etc) But once I'm pregnant, I personally have no other options.

And even tho I couldn't think of much worse than being pregnant at 51, if it happened, if be having a child then too (and there'd be a 30 year age gap 😱) I think planning for it and "it happening" are 2 different things though and it's not something I'd actively plan for.

It did make me very wistful to hear about Victoria’s baby. But realistically nah, I would not have the physical or mental energy to cope with another child. Plus with my own dc’s close to adulthood I’m enjoying the freedom. But appreciate that for the Mitchell’s they may have not had the opportunity to have had their children earlier.

I think the end of fertility situation is tough for a lot of people and I’m not sure what age you draw the line as I think 40 is fine and this is only another 10 years but it’s more for the sake of the kids and the fact it would always be in the back of my mind that I’d not get to see my grandkids. Of course some people’s kids don’t have grandkids so there’s always that

Well no. It's possibly paid for the IVF but it can't pay for her body to grow the zygote and make a healthy foetus. There's an element of luck / good fortune/ whatever required too

Do you consider other forms of child care as palming them off? Is she permitted to send them to nursery when she goes back to work or is that also proof she's a terrible parent? What about education? Should they home school them so as to prove they love them?

I had IVF at 42 and we didn’t have any embryos left over to freeze. I never really thought much about it at the time, we were so delighted that one had stuck. But over the years I have wondered what I would have done if I had had one in the freezer, because DH and I have found that on the whole being one and done suits us and DS seems fine- positive in fact- about it. In a way though, there is always that little niggle in your mind about either thinking your existing child is so great and you have enjoyed parenting so would be nice to do it again, or a thought that it would be nice for them to have a sibling. I am glad the choice was made for me, but I can easily imagine someone with a frozen embryo putting it to the back of their mind for years but maybe eventually having a subtle shift in mood- perhaps enough distance from post-natal anxiety, maybe seeing a friend with a new baby, maybe something your older child says, and thinking “ah sod it, let’s transfer it and see what happens”.

I have a friend who is a second time dad at 52 and not one single person has said or even raised that he's too old

Advicerequest
My dad was older, he was eleven years older than mum and they had difficulty conceiving and then they were suddenly super fertile! He was about 51 when they had my little brother and he told me everyone commented on it and asked was he not worried he wouldn’t be able to keep up that the child would be so young when he was old etc

Yep. It's just something that people weaponise when they don't approve of Person X having a child.

Conversely, my father was 49 when I was born - same age as David Mitchell. He died when I was 17.

I think it is very selfish to have kids at that age. I don't envy her, I judge her.

Yeah but what if you hadn’t already had children? Would you rather just not have children than have a baby at 51?

Yes. I wanted them when I was younger but it didn't happen and as I approach 40 I can't even imagine having one now let alone 51

Ps all the people saying they’ll have paid help etc are kind of jumping to conclusions aren’t they? I remember watching dragons den and a lady said ‘maybe when your nanny or your housekeeper does x’ and one of the dragons said ‘it’s me and my wife, you can stop assuming we have a housekeeper or a nanny.’

Why will they be expected to care for their parents? If we assume care needs from 70ish, girls will be 21 and 30ish. Do you honestly think with their combined family income and David's very sensible brain that they won't have thought through buying in care so their kids - barely put of uni and possibly starting her own family, aren't forced to do it? Or do you think they'll ban June from going to Uni and keep her locked away at home to be their Cinderella?

She may have had fertility treatment, she may have used a frozen embryo, she might have been trying and failing to get pregnant for years now we will never know unless she tells us and why should she.

VCM is a rich women from a privileged background who has been very lucky in life. Probably most healthy women in their early 50's could have a baby in her position and there are women in that age range who could conceive naturally but probably not so many that would want to.

I think fertility isn't a huge worry for wealthy women but we all still age and die so its a trade off you can extend fertility but it does mean you will share less of your child's life, if VCM's daughter waits till she is 51 to have a child VCM will have to live to 102 to see it.