To be envious that Victoria Coren Mitchell has a second baby at 51

[Monetm]

https://www.ok.co.uk/tv/breaking-victoria-coren-mitchell-baby-31338022.amp

Just that, really. I’m sure there will be a lot of posts on here about it’s too old and she should have done it sooner, but given that she didn’t, I am envious that she has the money and the luck and the situation to be able to do it now.

Can you imagine how different women’s lives would be if we just didn’t have to worry so much about the end of our fertility?

True, but I had genetic counselling so I know my inherited risks, it’s not like dying in a car accident.

Far too old IMO. But let’s be honest, it’ll probably be brought up by someone half her age. It’s not as if these celebs change nappies or experience sleepless nights is it? They pay someone to do that for them.

Why on earth would anyone think this?

My parents had me in their mid to late 30s and they were in their late 50s/early 60s when I was at university and then became independent. It was only when they were 75+ that there were any significant health or mobility difference for my dad, and I was in my 40s then, and my mum is still going strong at 84, really independent. While anyone can have ill health at any time, this child will still very likely be long grown up and independent before its parents have any significant health needs.

A friend of my sister has just passed away at the age of 29 leaving three children including a newborn. It could happen to anyone.

People talking about how hellish this would be are missing the point completely: these people are wealthy.

I'm wealthy and could think of nothing worse than giving up the wonderful life I have now at 51 to raise a child.

This is sad. Life is such a lottery, but this is still anecdata.

I'm glad you've said it. My parents paid for their carers but the mental load was huge and we were all close to burn out. You don't just switch off and say 'that's covered'.

I am very happy for her and David, and OMG 51?! I thought she was about 38! WTF? 😆 I am sure this child - and their other one - will be very much loved and cared for, and have a great life.

Have to say though @CanIPetThatDawg no, I don't envy them at all. It wouldn't be for me, having a baby at 51. It's a bit different for celebrities, as they can afford nannies, and luxuries, and not have to worry about school costs, and uni fees, and struggling to support tween and teen children when they're at retirement, and look after elderly parents/relatives (like us mere mortals have to do.)

Also, as a few people have pointed out, having a baby at 49-51 (like David and Victoria,) seems OK when you feel OK at that age, and feel healthy and spritely. But I don't think some people think outside the box, and the fact that the child will still be at school when you're nearly 70, and still in junior school when you're 60.

Also, your health could be completely different at 61 than it is at 51. And you will be struggling with a 10 year old - and in D and V's case, an 18 year old too. I think for mere mortals this would be very hard, especially as many people this age (50s and 60s) will be having to look after elderly parents/relatives.

I am happy to be nearly 50, and to have done it all many years ago. Kids have left home now, and the nest is empty! Was a wrench when they went. But me and DH are used to the peace now. 😆

I really don't think anyone I know would be envious of anyone having a baby when they're 51 to be honest. Thing is though, hardly anyone does it real life, so I suppose we shouldn't begrudge the few that do it.

My mother was 40 when I was born, my father 50. They were too old to have children so late in life. Menopausal mum of a 10 year old and also my 6 year old young sister? No thanks. No envy for Victoria at all. Good luck to her though.

You know caring isn't just physical work, right?

Incredibly selfish decision. What on earth is she thinking having a child at that age.

But inherited risks are not the only health risks. My Dad died in his 50s of leukaemia, that’s not inherited or lifestyle related, it’s just incredibly bad luck. (No he did not work in a high risk environment with exposure to radiation, he was a suburban accountant)

For me it makes it harder to be optimistic about longevity or think “it won’t happen to me” because I experienced random shit directly.

We had DD later in life. This was due to infertility then me spontaneously getting pregnant at 41 (DH was 48).

DH is over 70 and still working as we are having to support DD through higher education. I'm also still working at 65 for the same reason, although I love my job and retiring is not on the cards for me any time soon.

I suspect it is probably better if one parent is in their 50's that the other is quite a bit younger in order to compensate. There is 15 years between us and DH is in his 50's with two young children. Not entirely sure I would want to be 50 though and pregnant. 😂 Very physically draining!

Why is EVERYONE jumping to donor eggs?

Given that she was 43 when she had her first its entirely possible she did IVF and banked extra embryos close to a decade ago. If embryos where frozen then then the fertility age of the embryo is still on approx. 42 regardless of if she 51 or 78. Its only her health supporting pregnancy to take into account.

I mean I would think 'why not do it sooner' but really if they banked they removed any rush so maybe they just didn't want to race through it.

Since 2022 new laws say you can freeze an embryo up to 55 years (the oldest used embryo was 30 years old). Millions bank embryo if they are lucky enough to get more than 1 so its hardly unusual.

I’m 51, with teenagers and my parents are early 70s. I’m in the throes of peri menopause, GCSEs and A levels and dealing with narcissistic parents who like to play the “we cared for you do now you care for us card.”

My life is an utter nightmare. My parents were early 20s when they had me. I was in my 30s when I had mine. I pray to god my kids are in their 40s if they even bother to have kids. Live their lives before it’s sucked away from them.

For certain I do not expect or want my children feeling responsible for me. I make this clear to them, using my parents as the example. I reckon I have 20+ years still of my parents treating me like an on call servant.

Age doesn’t make a parent a good one.

I’m really sorry you are having this experience. I’m not suggesting that it’s easy to have parents get older and die at any age, but I think people bleating on about how awful it would be to be caring for elderly parents in your 20s are forgetting that the years known as the ‘sandwich years’ are commonly absolute hell for many people, particularly women as they often also coincide with menopause.

Definitely this, although I suppose some on here question the very definite plan to have a child over 50 made in this case. Personally, I still don’t think that’s selfish. There’s a lot of criticism flung at older parents, parents of one child and a few other categories. Are either of those examples necessarily better or worse environments than anything else. Do we see criticism of parents with lots of kids born close together?? Honestly, there is no right or wrong on this level, it’s just choices and/or fate.

Good luck to her. Im same age. I def dont have same energy now in my 50s

True, but inherited risks are the ones we can make more scientific predictions on (mine is BRCA2) hence the reason that Genetic Counselling is a thing.

Here’s the general data re age at death, according to Statistica.

https://www.statista.com/statistics/1125118/death-rate-united-kingdom-uk-by-age/

Totally sympathise with you re: living with parent loss though - the premature death of a parent makes it much harder to be optimistic about your own longevity, even if the parent loss was due to a chance accident (rather than illness, as in our cases).

💐

They really weren’t! Even in the days of large families and no contraception, 45 was around the cut of for most. Older than that were total outliers. Before IVF, really before IVF using donor eggs or frozen embryos, around 50 women a year had babies over the age of 50. So the chance it just happened to VCM is very, very slight.

Good luck to her but I don’t envy her all, though I do think being well off makes things a little different.

Also me and my friends mostly started having kids in our teens/early 20s, finished our family by approx. 30 (pretty much all of us said we wouldn't have kids after 35 and prioritized having a family above everything else).

However DH friends are the opposite, a lot prioritized career and holiday and partying and in the last few years a flurry of first time babies have been born smack bang around their parents 40th birthday (two I know used donors to be single parents).

Given I had infertility, ten years of trying and losses in my 20s (peak fertility time) I frankly think people who know they want kids are nuts to leave it so late and assume it will just instantly happen for them but its their risk to take not mine.

Social circles effect world views and I think that definitely plays into these things.

so sorry x

Good point. I still have an embryo that was frozen in 2016 which we might use.

I'd worry my health would be poor or id die when they were young and even if I were healthy I'd be a tired miserable wreck.

At that age god willing we will be 51, 24 and 22.

I'm so sorry - that is truly heartbreaking.