to be offended at neighbour's reaction

[SeaBreezeDream]

We aren't the kind of street where neighbours are all friends, we just nod the occasional hello etc. but a few days ago I had a small car smash pulling out of my drive and a lady a couple of doors along came out to see if I was ok. She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there.

I went round yesterday with a bunch of flowers to say thank you, plus a gift for her new grandchild as we had been chatting about the new baby and she was very excited about that. Her husband answered as she was out and I just handed them over and we exchanged pleasantries. All fine.

A little later I got a message from her saying thanks for the flowers and gift but I thought she was incredibly rude. She said

Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A.

Is that not a really crass message? Or am I being over sensitive?

(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)

If you’re not that bothered then why start a thread and waste half your afternoon trying to prove that she was rude (she wasn’t FYI)

OR she could have said "we don't usually buy from" as a reassurance that they don't have the same item in the house already...

Not rude at all. She was making light conversation.

I'd of got her a nice card tbh .Yours is very OTT.
And her reaction is quite rude tbh.

I think she was trying to share an anecdote and be friendly but I can see why it may come across as rather Elevenerife and rude.

There is a bit of a sub text in my mind of - You pleb, buying this stuff when my husband was on the board don';t you know. You are clearly not our sort of people.

Then again spending £70 on someone you barely know- perhaps she felt slightly embarrassed by the generosity.

Either way I'd just reply with 😅and not give it any further thought.

That may be how it was intended but I can see why the OP is a bit upset, it's a little insensitive especially considering that she spent on it.

I don’t think she intended to be rude at all, though may be it might sound like that to sensitive souls.
I think she was saying she recognised it was a very generous gift and not something they would have bought themselves for that reason.
I seems as if you don’t want to fraternise with your neighbours and want to hold them at arm’s length.

Yes very rude. She could have just said "thank you ,there was no need" or if she wanted to add some details "we know their products very well as my husband was on their board for years and my daughter works for them"...no need to add anything else!

No, not rude. I'm guessing she didn't realise it would analysed and dissected on MN though.

Not rude just honest, it’s the sneaky back stabbers I avoid (NOI but after reading your OP you come across as one of these) not the open as a book ones like your neighbour.

Agree. The addition that they usually wouldn't buy that company's products comes across as rude. No need for her to share with you that they thought it was hilarious you bought something they would get for free (if they wanted it). Only amusing to her, not the person who gifted it. Not mannerly.

I also think it's her telling you an anecdote in a "what a coincidence!" way.

I don't think she means any offence by it at all!

£70 baby cardi. What brand?

The reason she has shared that she wouldn't normally buy the products is probably because she knows they're dear and is letting you know that she's aware it was costly!

Not rude. Why do you think it was? Definitely not laughing in a mean way. She's saying it's very close to home because of husband and daughter's links.. I guess she could have missed out the don't tend to buy bit-is that the problem?

I don’t think she was being rude. She was just pointing out the coincidence and the “we don’t tend to buy them” was her way of saying “but don’t worry we don’t already have it”. I often say similar when someone buys me a gift that I enthuse about by saying “oh I love these I buy these all the time for people”, I’ll then quickly add a “but I don’t buy them for myself” as a reassurance that I appreciate the gift and don’t already have whatever it is. I agree it does come across a bit clumsily via text though.

The thing with an open as a book person is that they just don’t understand the nuances of overly sensitive, pick holes in every interaction love to find any fault in anyone sort of person (like you come across in your OP). Your neighbour helped you out in difficult circumstances and on some human level you connected and now you want to rip her part because she was honestly telling you about a personal history of her families connection to the gift you bought. Grow up!

She wasn't rude. You're likely fuming because for some reason best known to yourself you wanted to splash the best part of £100 on a gift for someone you barely/don't know and she's not been overwhelmed by it. In a word, you over-egged it massively. The flowers would have been enough. There's kindness and gratitude then there's 'doing too much' . It's a bit 'people pleaser, please like me' at best and 'look at me and my impeccable taste' at worst.

It doesn't matter does it as you say it's not a big deal, let it go.

Another one reading this message as rude. I’m finding this thread fascinating though with the different takes on it! Just shows how our messages can be interpreted in different ways by different people!!

Maybe she felt uncomfortable with the gift - a £70 gift for a baby you’ve no connection to (not even neighbours baby, her grandchild!) is a bit extreme in this situation - it’s more a nice bunch of supermarket flowers or a bottle of wine level! I would be really confused if a virtual stranger did this 😂

I'm.sorry op but it sounds like just you that is the unfriendly one.

"I'm baffled why she made the comments rather than just a polite thank you" .. maybe she was hoping to continue the dialogue and that perhaps a friendship would develop out of a chance meeting.

It's not in my experience normal to live in the sake house for 20 years and not be on friendly terms with some of your neighbours.

OP and others on this thread overthink things.

Look, the woman did a kind thing and helped Op. Op appreciated it and bought a nice gift. The woman wrote a thank you note and shared a family anecdote in relation to the gift.

All of these actions were intended with goodwill. No malice or rudeness was intended. People might not always articulate things as we would, but to over analyse and see ill-will or rudeness….just why? I’m sorry but some people are out to take offence from every little situation or to view every encounter with suspicion.

OP might go back to pure nodding terms with this neighbour, or possibly they might chat a bit more when spotting each other putting bins out, or heaven forbid find they become friends. Friends all have to meet each other somewhere.

Lighten-up criticisers. It must be so exhausting to see rudeness and take offence from everything people say and do.

The flowers would have been enough imho.

TBH I do think her message is maybe a bit forward in terms of tone, but then again she knows how much these gifts are worth and maybe thinks you were being forward too!

Hope you are ok after the accident.

She sounds unhinged. So this couple were standing in their kitchen with tears streaming down their face, chuckling their little heads off because....he used to work for a company and you bought something from it?

😸

I've read it a couple of times to see if I could find any evidence of her being rude but have not been able to find anything.