to be offended at neighbour's reaction

[SeaBreezeDream]

We aren't the kind of street where neighbours are all friends, we just nod the occasional hello etc. but a few days ago I had a small car smash pulling out of my drive and a lady a couple of doors along came out to see if I was ok. She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there.

I went round yesterday with a bunch of flowers to say thank you, plus a gift for her new grandchild as we had been chatting about the new baby and she was very excited about that. Her husband answered as she was out and I just handed them over and we exchanged pleasantries. All fine.

A little later I got a message from her saying thanks for the flowers and gift but I thought she was incredibly rude. She said

Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A.

Is that not a really crass message? Or am I being over sensitive?

(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)

i think she was pointing out the coincidence. I don’t think it’s rude.

You need to reread the op, it doesn’t say what you think it says, it certainly doesn’t say they were laughting at the gift. It said they could not stop laughing when they opened it, and then went on to explain the coincidence. She didn’t even hint they were laughing at the gift.

and not buying it doesn’t mean it’s because they think it’s shit, but possibly due to price.

Not rude, it is funny out of everything you gifted is one the place her daughter is a buyer for - she literally selects the products they sell. She may well have selected this. What are the chances?!

Oh dear @housethatbuiltme

spend a moment rereading the Op

and then come back

Because they know the Op

so I was interested in their view

ie if they have extensive history of the OP being offended they may well have a different interpretation than the OP! 😂

Is the daughter also the one who is expecting the baby? If so, I assume they were laughing because if the mother-to-be had wanted that cardigan and hat she would have bought it herself at cost price. I am one of the people that thought the neighbour's message was unkind and I understand why the OP felt she was being laughed at, rather than it just being an anecdote about the coincidence.

@SeaBreezeDream can I ask where you bought the baby clothes?

@PloddingAlong21 yes the daughter will be the buyer and pregnant and could likely have got it on staff discount. I don’t think this was what she was laughing about at all. She also referenced her own husband used to be on their board of directors too, zero to do with cost/price.

it is a coincidence and amusing from everywhere she picked (let’s assume at £70 it’s going to be quite high end) that she picked there!

It’s highly unlikely someone who is described as a lovely kind woman would not just laugh at an expensive gift, but actually wish to text the op and tell her they were laughing at it. That would be odd and cruel. No?

As such, it’s highly likely the majority interpretation of they were amused by the coincidence and explained it to the op is the right one. Especially as she says when they tell their daughter she will find it funny too. Note not when we show it to her.

not everyone is out to get ya.

Also we don’t tend to buy them likely indicates they don’t have what the op gave. Just in case she was worried it was a duplicate.

You obviously reacted to it, feeling it was off, and with some reason. To write 'there was no need' has a blunt, flat cold cut about it, whether intended as a rebuff or not. It's not the same as the more personal 'you didn't need to', as a poster rendered it, and most certainly nothing like 'You didn't need to
but I appreciate your thoughtfulness and thank you for the lovely gift / baby clothes'.

The coincidence anecdote about the family business connection doesn't seem to explain such a degree of hilarity in the family, and making a point of saying they wouldn't usually buy the products is odd. Whether it's out of awkwardness, embarrassment, lack of thought about how tone can come across or fail to come across in writing or of wanting to signify something else, is hard to be sure about but it's definitely not a straightforward gracious acknowledgement.

£70 ? Really ? Why ???

Goodness me, it’s a minefield what people take exception to. This one is mind boggling. There was no need is a hugely common phrase when receiving a gift.

Oh dear. I’m one of the sympathetic ones, but I’ve just run this past my DH and he thinks the OP was flexing her status by buying the £70 gift for the baby of someone she’s never met, and the neighbour was having none of it, so sent the message she did!

No she doesn't, she's simply telling an anecdote. Get a grip!!

She’s not being rude at all. Not sure how you could get that from the message, just joking with you about knowing the brand and having ties.

however there’s every chance her daughter might be on mumsnet though!

I am sure it wasn't intended to be rude, text messages don't always read as intended. Definitely reply, maybe say something like "what a funny coincidence, if your daughter would prefer to exchange for something else I have the receipt"

The suggested replies are ghastly, horribly passive aggressive, far worse than the original rude message.

That’s the problem with messages - they can be misread !! I think if she had said that to you face to face with facial expressions etc you’d have found it quite ironic and amusing too.

Lovely thought to buy their dgc a present. So many posters getting their knickers in knot about price.

She sounds a bit of a show offy Hyacinth Bucket to me. Nothing 'funny anecdote' about it. Who says that 'oh we all worked there we'd never buy from it' .

The no need is fine. The rest is a little condescending as she clearly wants to show off the connection to the firm and that the gift is not in any way special for her family. A polite thank you would have done the trick.

Yes I was thinking this.

Those messages are not passive aggressive. They are very direct forms of communication. That said, I don't think it's remotely necessary to escalate things this far.

People are strange animals. They'll take offence at all sorts. Who can know the reason the neighbour sent the message she did, or what she intended by it? I have to say the message doesn't make her come across well at all, but matching like for like with a variation on the messages above will achieve precisely nothing.

Some battles - not many but some - are worth fighting. The rest is static: small stuff. I'd simply keep my own counsel and my own money in future, and would retreat with lesson learned.

Who has the time for this crap?

Was it from a very small company? If so, yes, huge coincidence and I can see why she would be laughing and mentioning it.

If from a larger / more common retailer, I don't think there would have been much need to mention it

Either way I think your response was the best way to go (although no reply would have been fine as well).

how can you interpret that as rude? I think its a very friendly share.