to be offended at neighbour's reaction

[SeaBreezeDream]

We aren't the kind of street where neighbours are all friends, we just nod the occasional hello etc. but a few days ago I had a small car smash pulling out of my drive and a lady a couple of doors along came out to see if I was ok. She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there.

I went round yesterday with a bunch of flowers to say thank you, plus a gift for her new grandchild as we had been chatting about the new baby and she was very excited about that. Her husband answered as she was out and I just handed them over and we exchanged pleasantries. All fine.

A little later I got a message from her saying thanks for the flowers and gift but I thought she was incredibly rude. She said

Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A.

Is that not a really crass message? Or am I being over sensitive?

(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)

I think your thanks we're a bit OTT for someone who just stood and chatted with you for a while.
But she wasn't rude. Probably a bit taken aback by your generosity.

* and then say 'ha, we wouldn't buy this'.*

nor did she say this

You have just made up an entire scenario that would be rude. But it is not this scenario! @housethatbuiltme

@Cosywintertime

I'm pretty comfortable in my sloppy hippy mess style, and at a stage in life where I don't really care about impressing anyone.

A gift and flowers for a neighbour were about good manners and showing appreciation for a very kind deed. I like to think I behave well towards other people and wanted this lady to know I appreciated her actions.

Not to make things worse, I don't imagine a £70 gift would have impressed her even if it was from a different store. She was so excited about the new baby that rather than just flowers (which would have been my normal reaction) I thought I'd acknowledge this happy arrival.

And when you told your husband - what was his view?

Rude.
What ever happened to just saying Thank You? No need for the 'we all laughed at your gift because my husband was on the board!'.

Maybe because it was ironic.

How are you "confident that she wouldn't have blinked about it either"?

You've spoken to her once.

Honestly I think most people would "blink" at this. I'm sure it was kindly meant but it is a bit odd.

His exact words were

"Snotty cow. You shouldn't have wasted your money"

Of course she was nice to you when you were upset after an accident, she was responding as one human being to another in their moment of need. Her honest unfiltered reaction.
Her response to the gift was also her honest reaction. Neither showed malice. Pretty consistent.

Terry's Neapolitan I agree.

I think it's a crass response. But I am appalled by you spending £70 for a present for the grandchild of someone you haven't even spoken to properly before, on top of buying a bunch of flowers as a thank you. Flowers fine. £70 present for unknown daughter and grandchild is completely over the top and not good manners.

i think it was very rude, she should just have said thank you.

You keep saying £70 is something you though nothing of

Which feels a lot like bragging tbh

£70 would be excessive for most people to spend on a child they didn't know

A bunch of flowers as a thank you and a new grandchild card would have achieved the same

See the more you post the more you come across as the amount of money they have is a big thing for you.

YAB incredibly U.

Focus on the point that in an actual crisis this woman was with you, kind to you, helped you. Fussing on about whether or not her message after a gift was to your taste is so incredibly unreasonable I can't believe it. Perhaps she said the wrong thing. Or maybe she was just making a light-hearted (friendly) joke. But my goodness, I'd far rather someone like her around who helps when it really counts and is kind and looked out for you, than someone who is going to make massive mountains out of molehills and bitch about some who did them a good turn on internet forums. What kind of person are you to be so unbending and to totally miss the big picture here? The others backing you up...what kind of world if everyone was like that, key-board warriors picking over text messages for social faux pas, rather than like this woman who actually helps and is genuine, warm and kind in a crisis? Give me a world full of people like her any day.

it makes no sense...people usually dont go buy expensive things (even though you keep saying it was nothing but then say it wasnt cheap shit) for people they just met and spoke to once...either there is something you are not telling us or there is some other motivation behind this.

you need to evaluate why you felt compelled to buy this disproportionate 'thank you' present, posted about it and made yourself out to be a victim of an innocuous remark...there were not laughing at you clearly...

are you ok, OP? why so insecure? do you have enough emotional support in your life?

Not rude at all, charming

So your husband is overly sensitive and misses social cues just like you then? Must be miserable in your house.

Yeah I'd think wtaf if I read that message. I don't think she was deliberately trying to be rude, from what you say OP, but this is definitely not a lovely anecdote. There's nothing at all funny about it either, why does she keep mentioning how much they all laughed and are going to keep laughing about it? Weird.

The money is important to you, you mentioned the amount. If the amount is meaningless why mention it?

I have plenty of wealthy close friends, people who live in huge houses in Surrey and none of them have ever spent £70 on gifts for each other.

Another not rude.

She may also have been a little embarrassed. I would be if someone I barely knew spent that much on my grandchild.

Yes she’s rude

the way she says about not buying the products insinuates that they somehow don’t think they’re good enough for them

all she had to say was thank you

@SeaBreezeDream

im not sure why you think we would be interested in your husbands view?

@LuckySantangelo35 Because someone asked her what he thought!

To be fair to @SeaBreezeDream someone asked her what her DH had said about it...