to be offended at neighbour's reaction

[SeaBreezeDream]

We aren't the kind of street where neighbours are all friends, we just nod the occasional hello etc. but a few days ago I had a small car smash pulling out of my drive and a lady a couple of doors along came out to see if I was ok. She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there.

I went round yesterday with a bunch of flowers to say thank you, plus a gift for her new grandchild as we had been chatting about the new baby and she was very excited about that. Her husband answered as she was out and I just handed them over and we exchanged pleasantries. All fine.

A little later I got a message from her saying thanks for the flowers and gift but I thought she was incredibly rude. She said

Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A.

Is that not a really crass message? Or am I being over sensitive?

(It cost £70 so wasn't exactly cheap shit either)

That is incredibly cheeky and ungrateful.

If the cost didn't bother you, why mention it in your post?

I am also really surprised you see that as rude. She simply shared an anecdote, normal human interaction.

I am stunned you bought her a 70 quid gift and then got all upset about a nice sharing message.

@FaintlyInglorious I totally agree with you but it seems we are in the minority. I would have taken that message as saying we know their products well but still don't buy them, can't believe you did. I understand that she probably didn't mean it that way, but the message is definitely offensive and I would have felt embarrassed and belittled if I received it.

OMG this message made me laugh (but not in a rude way)

We are in Kent

I am a middle aged wannabe hippy / slightly frazzled middle-ages mess. Neighbour is a bit older than me and has that subtle understated rich look about her.

Great thread for causing us all to reflect that not everybody reacts as we ourselves do to things.

I’d focus on the kindness she did you a couple of days ago. Let that inform you of her character, not a text which you are uncomfortable about…but also acknowledge you might be misinterpreting or being overly-sensitive about.

You can return to purely nodding relations as that’s what you clearly want.

Very good summary!

Sorry you’ve had a hard time in here OP. Really no need for that at all.

I think your reply to her is perfect. I read her message as it being a funny coincidence and that they never buy the products because they are a luxury.

Lovely to have helpful and kind neighbours.

Married with two children who are at university.

Not rude I would find it quite funny as well if I'd spent half my life for a company and someone bought a present from them for me.

Is that why you spent so much money? Even the very wealthy would not spend so much for someghing so minor. It does feel like you were trying to impress, failed, and took it badly. That it was all very important to you.

No filter. Of course it's rude but more importantly it's passive aggressive i.e. 'we don't tend to buy them' in other words, it's a shit gift and we are all going to have a jolly good laugh at your expense.

TBF I think its odd and rude to say 'we don't buy there products' and we are all laughing about it.

I think saying something like:

'Thank you for the gift, we opened it and couldn't believe it, DH and DD happened to work for that company for years, what a funny coincidence. I'm sure they will love it'

Is an anecdote/friendly message but instead laughing at the gift and saying 'we wouldn't buy this and the receiver will find it hilarious' is just rude.

Sounds from what you said about her chatting away to distract you after the accident that she's one of those people who says what's going through her head, not someone who thinks before speaking. Which is what her text to you demonstrated: she texted the first thing that came into her head, didn't stop and think how it might read to you, and sent it. That's who she is, no malice but possibly no tact, either.

I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel if someone I'd only known by sight gave me a £70 gift. I think it would seem really inappropriate. Flowers or a bottle of wine, fine. But the best part of £100? So perhaps it was her vague discomfort that informed her text response.

Well done for responding. I hope you get to know them a bit better and don't take umbrage. Good neighbours are valuable.

Clearly not. The daughter is a buyer for them, her husband was on the board. So they are very unlikely to think their stuff is shit.

To be honest I'm more shocked at the sheer number of responders who seemingly can't for the life of the figure out how its rude to laugh directly in a persons face about the gift they just gave you and then say 'ha, we wouldn't buy this'.

If you cannot see how thats rude you need some basic social training.

It was a clumsy and rather rude response due to the statement about not tending to buy said product.

No, not rude at all. Nothing wrong with honesty. Perhaps if more people were honest there'd be fewer misunderstandings and people would rub along better.

I think it was a really cute message! Didn't appear to be any bad language or anything. It was very kind of you to spend £70.00 on someone you basically don't know but I don't see anything offensive in their reply, it was quite cheery!

Not really rude, she was trying to point out the coincidence and was a bit clumsy with her wording.

Don't take offence, it's not offence worthy.

She could be your 'street' friend who opens the door to knowing other neighbors.

I think this is spot on.

Fundamentally she seemed very kind and friendly and was generous with her time when I was upset. She was so nice in person that I was stunned to get what seemed a rude and snippy message.

Perhaps we might swap our distant nods for cheery waves in future.

The cost of the gift - I can't win with this, I've already been accused of humble bragging, showing off etc but i can only reiterate that £70 didn't feel excessive to me and I'm perfectly confident that she wouldn't have blinked about it either.

Well the only thing is… she knows the mark up on that £70!

It's not rude - it's just acknowledging the coincidence in my humble opinion.

It wasn’t * its rude to laugh directly in a persons face*.

@SeaBreezeDream All’s well that ends well!